DEAR ABBY: "Jack" and I have been married 15 years. We have a 10-year-old son, "Cody," who has special needs. Since we first began exploring a diagnosis for our son, I have encouraged Jack to educate himself on the condition. At one point, Jack told me he wasn't interested.

He seldom accompanies us to therapy, although he has taken Cody when I have been sick. We recently had a medical emergency because Jack didn't know what medication Cody was supposed to take. I keep the information written on a list close to the supply cabinet, but he ignored it.

I have long been frustrated by Jack's lack of interest in our son's care. He accepts no responsibility when it comes to discipline, therapy or even personal care tasks.

I will soon be starting a new career, and I'm afraid about Cody's care in my absence. If I broach the subject with Jack, he says I don't give him credit for what he does do. (That's his usual response for anything I try to discuss with him.) We have tried family counseling, which helped only temporarily. Should we go back? I am really at a loss. -- DESPAIRING IN OHIO

DEAR DESPAIRING: Your husband does not appear to have fully accepted that his son is different from other children. That would explain his lack of desire to learn about Cody's condition and his refusal to help with discipline, therapy, personal care or medications. You have my sympathy because you not only have your son to deal with, you have also had to compensate for your husband's retreat into denial.

A return to family counseling might be helpful. However, because you have reason to question the quality of care your son will receive in your absence, the funds might be better spent in finding responsible day care for your boy.

DEAR ABBY: My stepsister, "Maya," and I became best friends during the four years that my mom and her dad were married. We shared a room during visitations and confided in each other about things we couldn't tell anyone else. We were as close as real sisters.

Mom and Maya's dad are now going through a bitter divorce because my stepdad had an affair. They communicate only through their lawyers, and Mom says we can have nothing more to do with "them." I think it's unfair to have the rug pulled out from under us over something that has nothing to do with Maya or me.

Against Mom's orders, I have been keeping in touch with my sister (and I mean that) through text messages and e-mails. If Mom finds out, I'll be in big trouble.

I know Mom has every reason to be angry with my stepdad, but I don't know why Maya and I should have to suffer. Please help. -- MISSING MY BEST FRIEND

DEAR MISSING: I agree that it's unfair that you and Maya should be punished because of the nasty divorce. But right now your mother is hurt and angry, and she's not thinking rationally. Your mother may also be concerned that you might tell Maya something that she doesn't want Maya's father to know.

It might help if you explain your feelings to one of your mother's close friends or another family member who can help you make her understand the situation from your point of view. She may need to be reminded that the world doesn't revolve completely around her, and she's not the only person hurting in this divorce.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a vegetarian, but I am not. We agreed to raise our children as vegetarians until they could make that decision for themselves.

My children are now 6 and 10 and have indicated that they no longer want to be vegetarians. The older child is particularly frustrated that she's not allowed to eat such things as pasta sauce or soup that contains beef or chicken stock.

However, my wife is now reneging on our agreement. She says the kids aren't old enough to make such a decision, and she's refusing to set an age when they can do so.

I don't think we, as parents, should impose our preferences on our kids and deny them what they want. Am I wrong? -- MASSACHUSETTS CARNIVORE

DEAR CARNIVORE: Are you kidding? Parents impose their preferences on their children all the time, and for as long as they can.

Your wife may be right that the kids should refrain from eating meat and meat products, but she is being heavy-handed and going about it in the wrong way. Unless she is prepared to stand over them 24/7, there is no way she can prevent them from eating meat if they are determined to do so.

What she can do is make sure they understand why she is a staunch vegetarian and why she would prefer that they remain that way. But there's no guarantee that they will -- particularly if she permits this to become a power struggle.

DEAR ABBY: You have always encouraged your readers to stay informed and be prepared. That's why we are writing you on behalf of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration's Office of Women's Health (OWH) and WomenHeart to share with you and your readers our new, free Heart Health Kit for women and their families.

Heart disease is the leading cause of death among American women, but we can all take steps to protect ourselves. That's why the OWH and WomenHeart have teamed up to create this must-have kit. It features information on major topics that are essential to keeping your heart healthy -- including high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes and stroke. It also includes tips for women on recognizing the warning signs of a heart attack, which can be different from those experienced by men.

Abby, thank you for informing your readers about this serious issue, and please alert them to place their orders now because supplies are limited. -- KATHLEEN UHL, M.D., ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH, FDA; LISA TATE, CEO, NATIONAL COALITION FOR WOMEN WITH HEART DISEASE

DEAR KATHLEEN AND LISA: My readers' well-being is important to me, and I'm pleased to help get the word out.

In today's stressful environment, reliable health information is something we can never have too much of -- and in this case it is being offered absolutely free of charge. So when you order your Heart Health Kit, don't forget your mothers, sisters, aunts and close friends, and order one for them, too.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a secondary school teacher and would like to comment on the letter from "Sports Dad Down South" (Feb. 9) about his teenaged, athletic star son.

That boy has an ego problem that is out of control. I see it in the classroom every day. Many successful athletes think that only the "little" people have to do class work, be on time to class and complete homework. They have the best relationships with their coaches who "intervene" on the athlete's behalf, regardless of behavior and effort -- soliciting "help" for a student who often does not deserve it.

I have watched an athlete's arrogance fed daily by those who attach the kid's value as a person to the level of his performance at that evening's game. Abby, I hope that "Sports Dad's" stellar-performing son eventually will recognize that other influences are shallow and lack the depth of his father's love. -- TEXAS TEACHER WHO KNOWS

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for writing. I heard from many other teachers, administrators and parents -- all eager to share what they have learned in dealing with teens who are high achievers in sports. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am also the parent of a talented athlete. He was popular in high school, great in football and basketball, and was wooed to university with a scholarship in hand. The problem was, in spite of our urging to buckle down and study, he admitted to us on high school graduation night that he had cheated the whole way through. Now at 21, he has thrown away his scholarship, quit the university, and is wandering around wondering why he was never picked up by the NFL.

Somewhere in high school, amid all the accolades, our son lost touch with reality. Please advise "Sports Dad" to not give up on his son while he still has a chance, and to impress upon him how important hard work and discipline are. -- MOM IN MOURNING

DEAR ABBY: We have stressed to our college baseball star son that no matter how successful any athlete is, there will come a time when he or she retires from their beloved sport. Not everyone makes it to the pros, and not all those who do have longevity or stunning success in the sport.

Questions the youngster must consider are: (1) What will he do when he is not playing anymore? (2) How is he going to help his community and society with his talent? And most important (3) what will he do if, God forbid, he is injured?

Having an idea of what he loves besides sports is very helpful. That will help "Dad" steer him into a college and major that fit. -- BASEBALL MAMA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR ABBY: To "Sports Dad": The fact that a 17-year-old finds your limits a problem can be a good thing, depending on how unrealistic his attitude is. His dislike of your parental positions can mean you are doing a good job. Kids really do not respect a doormat. He can have many friends, but he has only one dad. -- KATHY IN METAIRIE, LA.

DEAR ABBY: Has it occurred to "Sports Dad" to investigate the possibility that his son's behavior might be caused by steroids? -- KATE IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: That father and son remind me of a saying I heard years ago: "When they are 5 years old, they have all the questions. When they are 17, they have all the answers." I've found out through the years that this isn't far from reality. -- BURL IN DALLAS, N.C.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)