DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," and I have been married 12 years. One night three years ago, he beat me as I slept in our bed. Bob says he must have been having a nightmare and that he would never beat me.

His fists were clenched as he was hitting my head and body that night. I was pinned by the covers and couldn't defend myself. He has been sleeping in the guest room ever since. I lock my bedroom door every night.

I have gone to counseling, but Bob refuses because he says it's too expensive. I am unemployed and feel trapped financially by him. How long can a middle-aged woman survive in a loveless, passionless and distrustful marriage? -- ALL ABOUT BOB IN ALABAMA

DEAR ALL ABOUT BOB: That depends upon the reason your marriage is loveless, passionless and distrustful. You say your husband says he has no memory of striking you. Has he ever raised a hand to you while he was awake? If the answer is no, then he should be evaluated for a sleep disorder.

People have been known to do unusual things in their sleep -- including sleepwalking, driving a car, eating compulsively and striking out. Once you know the reason for what happened that night, you will then have enough information to decide what to do about your future.

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, my 8-year-old daughter, "Mira," told me that one of her best friends, a girl named "Brittany," was handing out envelopes in class. When Mira asked what Brittany was doing, Brittany told her she was passing out invitations to her birthday party and that my daughter wasn't invited.

I understand that the birthday girl can invite anyone she wants to her party, but this was one of Mira's closest friends. I am also friendly with Brittany's mother. The girl did tell Mira that she is on the "cancellation list" -- and if someone cancels, then she can attend.

My daughter is hurt and confused, and frankly, so am I. This was a huge blow to Mira's self-esteem. I can't understand how Brittany's mother could allow her daughter to do this, knowing full well that the girls are close friends. Mira is the only one in the group who was excluded.

I need your help, Abby. How should I handle this without blowing things out of the water? -- FEELING HER PAIN

DEAR FEELING HER PAIN: It appears that Brittany's mother isn't as much of a friend as you thought she was, or she would not have allowed her daughter to snub your daughter the way she did.

Being put on a cancellation list (a "B" list) is no compliment, and your daughter should not attend that party even if there is a cancellation. My advice is to make a point of doing something special with your daughter on that day so she won't feel so left out. She should also become involved in extracurricular activities where she can meet other children, so she won't be so dependent upon the clique that cliqued her out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, divorced woman who is planning to remarry soon. My ex-husband and I are still friendly and get along well.

Would it be inappropriate to ask him to walk me down the aisle? My father is dead, and my mother feels the task should fall to a significant male. I would like to ask him, but I am not sure how he'll react or if my fiance will approve of the idea. Any suggestions? -- SECOND TIME AROUND

DEAR SECOND TIME: Yes. Before going any further, discuss it with your fiance. While it is admirable that you and your ex are still on friendly terms, your fiance might find it troubling to have his bride "handed-off" to him by her first husband. Then, because you are independent, consider walking yourself down the aisle, or ask your mother if she would like the honor.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and have a friend, "Logan," who is in his early 30s. We go out to dinner every so often to catch up. When the server asks how the check should be split, Logan quickly says to put it all on one check -- and before I know it, he has already paid for both of our meals.

I have told him before that I'd like to pay for some of our meals or, at least, be allowed to pay for my own -- but his response is always that I'm young and in college and he is working.

I appreciate the gesture and his concern, but I feel a little insulted that someone would think I'm unable to take care of myself. It also makes me feel a little guilty when he always grabs the check. Is there something I can do to assuage my conscience without insulting my friend? -- YOUNG, BUT NOT PENNILESS, CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO

DEAR NOT PENNILESS: Before you go out with Logan again, explain that while you appreciate his generosity, you would prefer that he allow you to pick up the check for two reasons: one, because you are financially able to do so, and two, because the situation is making you uncomfortable.

Alternatively, when you and Logan are seated, rather than waiting for the server to ask how the check should be divided, instruct the server that the check is to be given to you.

DEAR ABBY: I have had several recent experiences of needing to grab only a few items and quickly check out of a store, only to find the express lane -- which is supposed to be for shoppers with 10 items or less -- occupied by someone with an entire cartload of items.

What is the proper etiquette in this situation? Should I say nothing and allow my time to be wasted by people who think they are entitled? Should I mention it to the store manager or say something to the cashier in the presence of the offender?

Should I bite my lip or bring it to someone's attention? As a former cashier, I feel it is the responsibility of the cashier working the express lane to regulate who comes into it, but the cashiers seem oblivious or apathetic. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN IDAHO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that it should be the responsibility of the cashier to enforce the rules -- and where I live, many of them do it effectively. However, because those in the store you patronize are unwilling to risk confrontation, mention your frustration to the manager. It is possible that the cashiers need more training.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old with a serious problem. I don't trust my parents. I doubt I ever will. I just can't tell them things. I end up praying to my dead grandpa -- that's OK, but he doesn't give me any answers.

I trust my sister more than I could ever trust Mom or Dad. It feels wrong sometimes. I don't like to be around people. I have no way of knowing whether I can trust them. There is part of my life that only my sister knows about.

I feel bad about not trusting my parents. Is there any solution to this problem? Should I talk to them about it? -- NO TRUST IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR NO TRUST: I am concerned for you, and I hope you will take what I say seriously. Your parents brought you into this world and are there to protect you. Confiding in your sister is a good thing, but if you are in trouble -- and I suspect you may be -- she may not be experienced enough to give you the guidance you need.

If you want things to get better, it is very important that you tell your parents or some other adult who is close to you -- a relative or school counselor -- what has caused you to lose trust in people. That in itself will be a giant first step in solving your problem because you need more help than you can get in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently given a gift that I have reason to believe was made from stolen materials, on company premises, using stolen time. The item is of a religious nature, although the business itself is in the field of manufacturing.

The person who gave me the gift is aware that I value integrity and honesty above all things. I wonder if he is trying to challenge my principles.

At any rate, I'm at a loss as to what to do with the gift. I do not feel comfortable keeping it, but for reasons of family harmony cannot return it. Any suggestions? -- ROLE MODEL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ROLE MODEL: In a non-confrontational way, ask the person who gave you the gift how it was made or acquired. Then, if you feel you have accepted stolen property, return it to the giver and explain why. By doing so you will demonstrate that you don't give in to temptation when presented with an ethical challenge, and it may be an important lesson to someone who may need to hear it.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother moved from the East Coast to Wyoming 20 years ago, which put him in a different time zone -- two hours behind me. He died in June of last year.

I am planning to get a tattoo memorializing the date and time of my brother's passing, but have reached a dilemma. My brother died June 12 at 11 p.m. in Wyoming, but it was 1 a.m. June 13 here in Connecticut.

Which date should I use? I have asked friends who say I should go with what feels right to me, but others have told me to use the date on his death certificate. Which is correct? -- DAY LATE AND TWO HOURS SHORT

DEAR DAY LATE: The date on your brother's death certificate. However, tattoos are very personal, and if you choose to use the time and date in Connecticut of his passing, no one should criticize you for it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)