DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, attractive, recently divorced attorney and single mother. My problem is I become extremely threatened when I'm romantically rejected, and I need to know how to gain a healthier approach to rejection.

I have dated occasionally, but nothing has developed into anything serious because I have yet to find someone with whom I feel completely compatible. However, when I start dating someone and he doesn't feel the same, it negatively affects my self-esteem. I feel and act depressed, and then I begin feeling insecure, anxious and irrational.

I recently drove someone away because when he didn't call me one night, I went wild with anger and anxiety. I realize this heightened response is not normal. It is also quite painful. Frankly, the intensity of my feelings frightened me, and I'm at a loss about how to handle it.

How can I get over feeling so insecure in relationships so rejection won't damage and disrupt my sense of self? -- DISCOMBOBULATED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR DISCOMBOBULATED: May I remind you that the process of dating is like sifting for gold for everyone involved. It can take a lot of effort and sifting before you finally strike the mother lode. When it comes to dating, I know of few things that are more of a turn-off than a woman -- or a man -- who has the word "needy" stamped on her (or his) forehead.

If you felt good about yourself, you would not be so dependent upon these men for validation. Your intense, angry and anxious reactions when a man doesn't call may be related to your divorce -- or they may stem from earlier insecurities you brought into your marriage. Unless you develop confidence about your self-worth, your relationships with men won't change.

Please give this some thought -- and if you agree that I'm on the right track, consider consulting a psychologist who can help you develop some tools for emotional independence. Once you have achieved it, your odds of meeting "Mr. Right" will be much better.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to defer right-of-way to an ambulance or other emergency vehicle? I drive on a two-lane highway to and from work every day, and have had a couple of close calls recently with drivers in front of me slamming on their brakes and stopping in the roadway while waiting for an emergency vehicle to go by.

I was always taught that if an emergency vehicle is behind you, to pull as far to the right side of the road as possible and allow the vehicle to pass on your left. But what do you do when it's going in the other direction? Surely stopping in the road is not the answer. Please set me and my fellow commuters straight. In the meantime, I'll be ... SLAMMING ON THE BRAKES IN ALABAMA

DEAR SLAMMING: I, too, was taught that when an emergency vehicle with a flashing light and a siren approaches from either direction that all drivers should move as far to the right as possible. This will allow the emergency vehicle access to the middle of the road, if necessary. Simply slamming on one's brakes is not enough. It can cause gridlock and bring the emergency vehicle to a stop, resulting in loss of property or even someone's life.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband, "Wyatt," and I first started dating, we both had jobs. Because I am a teacher, my workday ended about two hours before his, allowing me some much-needed time alone before he came home.

Just before our wedding three months ago, Wyatt was laid off, and he has not been able to find another job. Although he is in school part-time, he is always in the house when I return from work.

Abby, I have no time for myself! All day I work with my students, and all evening I am with Wyatt. I have tried to explain to him that I need a little time to unwind when I first get home, but he always finds some reason to stick his head in and chat while I'm reading or taking a bath. I desperately need some alone time. I love my husband dearly, but how can I tell him I need an hour away from him? -- PRIVACY PLEASE IN N.C.

DEAR P.P.: You are not the only spouse -- of either sex -- who needs some alone time to quietly transition from workday to home life. Explain this again to your husband, and do it just the way you have explained it to me. Unless you speak up, one of these days he will interrupt you, and you will erupt -- which isn't fair to him.

If he STILL doesn't get the message, start jogging after work -- for about an hour.

DEAR ABBY: I am co-hosting a baby shower for a friend. I do not know the other hostess well. She is insisting on serving alcohol at the shower because many of the mommy-to-be's friends like to drink, and she says "it will provide some 'class' to the shower." I disagree.

I'm not a prude, and I do drink occasionally, but I think it is inappropriate to serve alcohol at a baby shower -- especially when the guest of honor can't partake. Am I justified in stating my disapproval? And would it be OK for me to decline to contribute financially toward that shower expense? -- NOT A PRUDE IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR NOT A PRUDE: Nowhere have I seen it written that in order for a baby shower to be "classy," alcohol must be served. You are certainly within your rights to air your feelings on this subject. The point you are making is a valid one. And if your co-hostess wants to go ahead and serve alcohol at the shower, you are under no obligation to help her foot the bill.

DEAR ABBY: I was able to retire while I was in my mid-50s, after teaching for 33 years. Since then, I have been traveling as often as possible and volunteering on a regular basis.

Sometimes in these situations I find myself with a group of people older than I am. When I am asked my age, which I don't mind, the response I get is, "Oh, you're just a pup!" Because I am chronologically younger than most of the group shouldn't automatically discount or invalidate me.

How can I respond to these comments nicely, yet make the point that I also have something to offer regardless of my age? -- AGELESS PUP IN ARVADA, COLO.

DEAR AGELESS PUP: First of all, stop being so defensive. When someone calls you a "young pup," just laugh and say, "If you think I'm a young pup, you're barking up the wrong tree!"

DEAR READERS: Among the questions I am frequently asked is, "Do you ever get letters that have been made up, and can you tell when someone has indulged in 'creative writing'?" The answer is yes, and today, in honor of April Fools' Day, I'll share a few. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My beloved mother used to sleep in the nude, rest her soul. Well, one night we were woken up by relatives at our front door. Needless to say, it gave her a massive heart attack. She thought it was OK to be nude at 81, but after getting caught that way, it was too much for her to handle, and she croaked!

I, however, still sleep in the nude and practice witchcraft in my birthday suit, too. While I was out in the woods one night, I ran smack dab into a deer. He stared me down as if he was looking at headlights. I was so embarrassed getting caught that I quickly climbed a tree.

Luckily, I had my cell phone with me, so I dialed 911, and the entire police department came to my rescue. To top it off, my picture was on the front page of the newspaper with a nice story line to go with it. Talk about embarrassing ... I'll probably never go nude again. -- NAKED WITCH IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NAKED WITCH: What did the headline read -- "Deer Trees Em-bare-assed Witch"? Please write back and let me know. And when you do, be sure to mention where you were carrying that cell phone and whether you have recovered from the trauma.

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted by Elizabeth Taylor before she became famous. It was in the early '60s. I was 3 when I was kidnapped from her and taken to Washington, D.C., then to New York and Texas.

Now, 39 years later, while incarcerated for DUI, I recall the events of my life before I came to Texas. Now I ask to be reunited with my adopted mother, Ms. Elizabeth Taylor. I had her address years ago -- she gave it to me -- but I received a head injury and forgot about it. Please see if you can reunite us so that I can relocate to California. -- WANTS TO MOVE WEST FROM TEXAS

DEAR WANTS TO MOVE: Elizabeth Taylor has had a storied career since becoming an international star at age 12, after appearing in the film "National Velvet" in 1944. Her life has been filled with many triumphs and tragedies -- none too minute to be overlooked by the world media.

I am sure she'll be as shocked as I am to learn that she had an adopted son who was spirited away at age 3. If she is interested in learning more, she is welcome to contact me, and I will give her your information. Until then, I'm afraid you will have to pay your OWN way to California.

DEAR ABBY: I want you to know I enjoy reading your column daily. It's the only thing my cellmates and I look forward to besides the bread pudding.

My question: I'm a middle-aged, penniless federal prisoner. I am also fat and bald. What are my chances of finding true love in the "real" world?

I subscribe to all the relevant magazines to better myself -- i.e. People, US, GQ and stuff. I know I'd make a great companion because I have read how to make quiche and sew. I have also learned not to ask a woman for sex until the third date (the August 2007 edition of Bizarre magazine).

I promise not to drink every day, and I'd take Sundays off -- besides, it's NASCAR day. I promise to keep the toilet seat down and listen to a woman's needs as long as she's standing in front of the stove.

I think that once I'm released, I will make a great companion. What do you think? -- OUT IN 24 MONTHS

DEAR STILL SERVING: I'll be waiting at the gate. In the meantime, I'm signing you up for a two-year subscription to Ms. magazine -- April Fool!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)