DEAR ABBY: I am the "other woman." I never in a million years thought I'd be in this position. I had been divorced for several years. I should have run the other way once I learned that my lover was married, but I was lonely. I wanted to feel like a woman again -- someone a man found attractive and would like to spend time with.

Some things I have come to understand as the other woman: If husbands and wives treated each other as well as they do their best friends, there would be fewer affairs and cheating spouses. I don't consider myself a "mistress." There is no exchange of money, cars, jewels, furs and no condo or apartment for my use. Nor am I a home wrecker -- my lover's marriage is still intact. What do I get? A wonderful lover, best friend and someone who helps me out around my home.

We give each other our undivided attention when we're together. We make the most of every opportunity we have to enjoy each other's company. I can't imagine life without him. We please and give to each other during our lovemaking. I believe we came into each other's lives for a reason.

Please advise men and women to love each other even when it hurts. Don't let issues fester into sores. Make love with your spouse even if it's not your cup of tea. Sex is a glue that can keep your marriage together. This connection brings a closeness words cannot describe. Don't lose that with your spouse. You'll long to have it back one day.

The other woman is not evil, a tramp or a whore. You could be her one day. She's just someone who is as lonely as the man is. Tell wives to protect their marriage, to swallow their pride, admit there are issues that need resolving and work through them. And one more thing: Don't think you will never be in my shoes. -- THE OTHER WOMAN, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: That's good advice. Now allow me to offer some to you. I, too, believe your lover came into your life for a reason. He was bored, you were needy and both of you were vulnerable.

The times your lover steals to be with you are hours he should be spending with his family. The passion he devotes to you guarantees that his energies won't be spent working on his marital problems.

You may be "best friends," but when the chips are down where do you think your lover will be? With his wife, his family and his money, Honey. If you need a handyman, hire one. And now that you know what mistakes NOT to make in a relationship, find a man who can be 100 percent yours and pray he has more character than your lover does.

DEAR ABBY: How do I decline my girlfriend's request to be in the delivery room with her and her husband when she has her baby? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I will go with her to the hospital and wait in the waiting room, but I really don't want to see the show. -- SQUEAMISH IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR SQUEAMISH: Tell her the truth -- that you are honored to have been asked, but that you can't handle the sight of blood, and it would be better for all concerned if you stayed in the waiting room. And don't let her talk you out of it. At a special moment like this, the mother and baby should be the center of attention -- not the friend who fainted, hit the floor and needed medical attention.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: How do you convince co-workers to stay on topic and on track in business meetings? Each week I am required to attend a mandatory meeting, and each week the people in that meeting drag in personal issues or start talking about the news.

I have tried suggesting that we stay on track and keep the meetings brief, but it's not working -- especially since management is one of the worst offenders. Please respond! -- ON TRACK IN LAWTON, OKLA.

DEAR ON TRACK: Some companies have eliminated meetings for exactly the reason you have described and found that productivity increased. Those who schedule regular meetings keep them on track by listing the subjects to be discussed on an agenda and sticking to it. However, someone must control the meeting and ensure that the agenda is adhered to.

Because your boss is causing the problem, there is nothing you or I can do about it. If it was another employee, "someone" could suggest that the topic of conversation wasn't on the agenda and a better time for discussing it would be during a break or at lunch.

DEAR ABBY: A dear cousin let me know that she'll be coming to visit for two weeks. My problem is, she's allergic to everything and has asked me to purchase special foods for her and to board my cats for the duration of her stay.

The food and boarding fees are very expensive, and I don't earn that much. Also, my cats are my children. They won't be happy to be away from me, nor will I be happy to have them away. My cousin asked me to do these things after she informed me that she had already purchased her airline tickets. What should I do? -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

DEAR BETWEEN: If your presumptuous "dear" cousin is "allergic to everything," then surely she must be aware that her allergies will be triggered if she is exposed not only to your cats, but also the dander that they have shed on the furniture, carpets and possibly the window treatments in your home. In other words, boarding your "children" may not be enough to prevent an allergic reaction.

For her sake and yours, before she arrives give her a list of reasonably priced, pet-free hotels and motels close by. Her health could depend on it.

P.S. Room service should be able to cater to her dietary needs.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 35-year-old recovering addict currently 23 months clean and sober. I have worked hard to get to where I am today.

My problem concerns my sister. She constantly brings my addiction up to other people around me. I almost feel like she's trying to make a spectacle of me. I know I'm an addict, and I am dealing with it. I work my steps, my program and my recovery every day. I have learned much about this terrible disease, and I am tired of feeling like a sideshow freak when my sister brings it up. Any suggestions on how to handle this? -- RECOVERING BIG SIS

DEAR BIG SIS: First, ask your sister why she feels compelled to bring up such a private matter with others. Then explain that when she talks about it, it makes you uncomfortable, and ask her to please stop. If she doesn't comply, limit your time with her.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20. My father, who recently turned 50, is dating a girl, "Amber," who is only 19. I went to high school with Amber, and I know for a fact there isn't a lot she has to offer him unless it's trouble.

Our parents divorced 16 years ago, and Dad hasn't had another woman in his life who he really liked. He has dated casually, but this is turning into something serious. They have been seeing each other only a few weeks, and they are now talking about an engagement.

Abby, Amber has a 6-month-old son. The child's father will have nothing to do with her or the baby. I think she's after Dad for the money, and I do not approve of their relationship. What should I do? -- UPSET IN FLORIDA

DEAR UPSET: Calm down and bide your time. Their relationship is fresh and new, and many people mistake passion for love in the beginning. Rather than saying you don't approve, if you are given the opportunity, suggest to your father that he and Amber "get to know each other better" before rushing into anything. If the engagement happens, let your father's attorney in on what's happening. That way he can suggest to your dad the wisdom of having a prenuptial agreement, so he and Amber will both be protected.

P.S. Give the girl a chance. She may not be in it for the money. What she may be looking for is a stable husband and father for her son, and in return she could make your father happy.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Jasper," is a part-time student living at home and working with me in our family business. He was not at home and ready to work this morning. This isn't the first time it has happened.

I have told my son that I enjoy working with him and consider him an asset to the business, but he needs to be more reliable. I have suspended him for one week without pay.

My wife feels I'm being harsh, but any other employer would do the same or worse. I feel Jasper needs to learn the facts of life in the working world. Do you agree with my decision? -- JOE IN SACO, MAINE

DEAR JOE: I certainly do. One of the most important elements in achieving success in any career is showing up for the job. If your son can't accept that, then perhaps he would learn the truth of it by working in something other than the family business for a year.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and have been in love with "Caleb" for four years. He never noticed me until recently, when he started sitting next to me and talking to me. We are good friends now, and I have been told he likes me, too.

I am happy about it, except that when we sit together, Caleb sometimes touches me in inappropriate places. If I tell him to stop, I'm afraid it will end our friendship. What should I do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Speak up. If telling Caleb to stop touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable ends your friendship, then face it -- it wasn't much of a friendship to begin with.