DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter from "Once a Mechanic ... in Arizona" (Dec. 24), who still dreams about his job even though he is now retired. I once worked in the customer service department of a major retailer. During one Christmas season, a recurring dream would interrupt my sleep each night. In my dream, my bedroom door would open and a stream of customers would file in and line up next to my bed, their arms loaded down with purchases or returns.

After many frustrating nights of restless sleep, I finally figured out a solution. I envisioned a flashing neon sign on my headboard that read: "Lane Closed." The following night when the customers began filing in, I took control. I sat up and pointed to the flashing sign above my bed. The customers turned around, walked out the door, and my sleep wasn't disturbed again.

"Mechanic" needs to acknowledge that it is only a dream and direct it on a different path, as you suggested, by thinking about his hobbies or his family. Dreams are a part of our subconscious, but that doesn't mean we can't control their content. -- DREAM WEAVER IN MANITOWOC, WIS.

DEAR DREAM WEAVER: Thank you for sharing your solution for achieving peaceful slumber. Allow me to offer another: Each night before I fall asleep, I say my prayers and count my blessings, one by one. "Sweet dreams are made of these ..." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: A rich and blessed retirement sounds wonderful. If the dreams of "Mechanic's" lifelong trade persist and he finds he really misses working, there is a way to honor that gift while still enjoying his retirement. He should check around to see if there are any mentoring programs in his area offered through social services. I'm sure many teens and young men would appreciate knowing someone with his skills. -- JAN IN SPRING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I have a master's degree in physics and have been known to solve calculus problems in my dreams. "Mechanic" should understand he is not alone, and probably was very good at his job. -- A.J. IN LITTLETON, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: I used to work in several demanding areas at a manufacturing plant, and I would often dream about being unable to keep up with production. Finally, I learned to relax and say, "Let the night shift do it!" Then I would be able to move on to a better dream. Now that I'm retired, I still dream occasionally about going back -- but only to visit, never to work. -- DAYDREAMER, OLIVET, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Because "Mechanic" enjoys doing transmission repairs even though he is retired, perhaps he could make some sort of arrangement to offer his expertise to low-income families who have cars in need of repairs. It would be a way of helping people with a need while doing what he did for so long and misses. -- A FELLOW ARIZONAN

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man I'll call "George" for the past 14 months. We have never had an argument or even a disagreement. We both have good jobs, like doing the same things, and we see each other every weekend. Our co-workers and family members have commented that we seem remarkably happy as a couple.

Don't get me wrong. George and I know what we like and dislike in life. We talk about things, have serious discussions and deal with whatever comes our way. But for some reason, my sister insists that by now my boyfriend and I should have had at least one good argument. She thinks it's weird that we haven't, and says we are "trying too hard" to make each other happy. She says George and I are ignoring things that could cause unhappiness.

My sister is younger, married, works full-time and has three kids. I think she may be secretly jealous of our relationship. So I ask you, Abby, DO all couples have to argue or have disagreements? -- "MISS BLISS" in N.Y.C.

Dear "MISS BLISS": No, they do not. Some couples have a higher compatibility quotient than others. Intelligent, mature people do not necessarily agree on everything. However, they respect each other's right to disagree without it degenerating into an argument.

It appears that you and George recognize how lucky you are to have found each other. Whether your sister is jealous is beside the point. When you are ready to take the next step, premarital counseling -- which I think is a good idea for all couples -- can ensure that you and George are on the same page about the things you both think are important.

DEAR ABBY: Our 10-year-old son, "Harry," is a sore loser. If we play a sport or a board game with him, he ends up in tears if he doesn't win. Sometimes he will cheat if he thinks it will help him win. He even becomes upset when his favorite NHL hockey team loses a game.

We have told Harry repeatedly that games are supposed to be fun, but he seems unable to grasp the concept. We do not know what else to do. Can you help? -- HAVING NO FUN IN CANADA

DEAR HAVING NO FUN: Learning to handle and channel frustration is part of growing up. Nobody likes to lose, yet winning and losing are a part of every competition. If you catch Harry cheating, there should be a penalty, and you should let him know you are disappointed in him.

Continue to impress upon your son that the most important aspect of sportsmanship (or gamesmanship) is learning not only to be a gracious winner but also to be gracious in defeat. Tiger Woods is a glowing example of sportsmanship at its best. A cheat may win a game, but when the deed is discovered, no one respects the person. It's sad to say, but we have seen examples of that, too, in professional sports in recent years.

DEAR ABBY: Why is it that men, no matter their ages, are jerks? I am a single mom and have been divorced for two years. I date occasionally, and when I do, I try to date good guys who could possibly become more.

Abby, I never get a second date! I am sweet and can carry on a conversation. I go out with them or cook for them. I just don't understand why they never give me a second chance. -- HURT IN ROSWELL, N.M.

DEAR HURT: Not all men are "jerks." Because you are consistently getting the same reaction from every man you date, it is time to seriously consider what you might be doing to chase them away. A good place to start would be by having a frank talk with some of your male relatives and/or platonic friends.

DEAR ABBY: My new boyfriend, "Paul," and I seem to discover good qualities in each other every time we get together. I think he's wonderful. Recently, though, he said he has noticed something about me that he considers rude.

At the mall, I have always been irritated by kiosk salespeople who practically block your way to sample their product. I ignore these pushy merchants because they usually won't take no for an answer, even if I attempt to say, "No, thank you."

Paul thinks I'm being impolite, so he's the one who ends up being detained, trying to be kind, while I wait for him to finish apologizing for not wanting their product.

I don't feel my way of handling this is rude. I have told Paul he doesn't have to please everyone, act interested or waste his time at the kiosk. Who do you think is right? -- NOT RUDE IN HOUSTON

DEAR NOT RUDE: I agree with your boyfriend that to ignore someone is rude. However, rather than ignore these salespeople, a firm "Not interested" should be sufficient. And if the person persists, keep walking.

DEAR ABBY: It takes a lot for me to write, but I felt your response to "Quarters From Heaven" (Dec. 20) was unfeeling. I would imagine the smoke odor from her now-dead friend was fleeting. She didn't need a new room. The quarters, too, were a special reminder. After my father died, I kept finding pennies and nickels for several months.

My late husband, Jim, used the smell of coffee to let us know his spirit was close. I have been awakened twice at 2 or 3 a.m., and the third time it was 6 a.m. I was visiting friends at a lake house he loved and awoke to the strong smell of coffee. I went downstairs and said, "I had to get up. I could smell the coffee." My hostess replied, "I haven't started it yet." I said, "Oh, that Jim -- he's doing it to me again."

My son has a shed in the backyard that Jim helped build. He and his 8-year-old son were going out there and the boy said, "I smell coffee." My son said, "I do, too." They went back inside to tell his wife, and she said, "Don't you know your dad always had a cup of coffee he bought on the way here when he came to work on the shed?" When they went back out, the smell was gone.

There has also been a distinct scent of lavender a few times in our bedroom -- and this morning I smelled oatmeal for a few minutes. He liked to cook it, and I never do. Jim has been gone almost three years, and these reminders are on an occasional basis. It is their way of communicating. -- BARBARA IN WHITESBORO, N.Y.

DEAR BARBARA: I heard from quite a few readers who were unhappy about my answer to that letter. I should have stopped at offering my sympathy -- and if my reply caused hurt feelings, I sincerely apologize. We all have our own way of coping with loss, and if pennies from heaven, quarters -- even seeing butterflies -- brings comfort, I should not have discouraged it.

DEAR ABBY: Please help my husband and me settle an argument. He hates when I step out of the shower onto the bath mat to dry off, leaving it wet. I think that's what the bath mat is for. Who's right? -- LISA IN LEXINGTON, S.C.

DEAR LISA: You are. The alternative would be to step out of the shower onto a tile floor -- which could cause a slip and fall, or onto carpet, which would become moldy. After you have finished drying off, however, the bath mat should be hung up to dry.