DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Solo in Florida" (Dec. 26) saddened me. The writer, a confirmed bachelor, wrote about not wanting to be a role model for a 14-year-old boy, "Kyle," who became attached to him at church.

While I agree that the boy's parents have placed an unfair burden on this man, I'm sorry you didn't remind him how few people have the chance to positively impact the lives of others, particularly the lives of young children. Although "Solo" does not intend to have children of his own, he does have a chance to pass on something of equal value -- his wisdom and life experience.

Please remind "Solo" a bachelor is still a member of a community, and it takes a village to raise a child. -- HUMANIST IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR HUMANIST: Your point is well stated, and many readers agreed with you. However, "Solo in Florida" said he loves his freedom, has no desire to be a mentor, and may not possess the temperament to be one. While it is clear that "Kyle" is lacking something in his life, it is not Solo's responsibility to provide it. And Kyle's parents should not be pressing him into service. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My son fits "Kyle's" description. He is intelligent, articulate, has few friends and looks to adults in our community for conversation and friendship. I'm sure he has annoyed more than one person at church, school or in other activities.

My son has Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. As a rule, individuals with Asperger's are very literal and lack the ability to read vocal inflections, body language and gestures. They frequently misinterpret conversations and situations.

If a diagnosis proves my hunch, Kyle's family should look to someone who works with individuals with autism who can teach him the tools he needs to communicate with others -- including "Solo" -- without violating social boundaries. Everyone will be happier for the effort. -- MOM OF ASPIES IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: It is possible that Kyle may be dealing with gay issues. Quite often, and especially in families involved in church, there are few if any role models for a teen who thinks he (or she) is gay. It may be that this man's kindness and the fact that he is unattached would make him the closest candidate for a role model. -- CURTIS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Because Kyle's mother is asking "Solo" to share meals with them in an effort to "control" the boy, she seems to feel that this approach has merit. Solo could tell her that while he is honored her son has chosen him as a mentor, he does not wish to take on that commitment, and suggest that she contact Big Brothers to find someone who does. -- JANE IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps "Solo in Florida" should become a little less "solo" at church a few times. If he arranged to arrive with and sit between or among some other adults there, he might be able to put a little distance between himself and the boy. -- GRAMMY IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: Male teens who behave like Kyle often suffer from depression, undiagnosed ADD/ADHD and may be at risk for drug abuse or suicide. Involving the spiritual adviser is a good first step in helping the boy. Kyle needs a psychiatric evaluation, the family needs counseling, and his parents could benefit from some parenting classes. -- ADVOCATE IN GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Just a few words and a friendly smile can often do far more than one can ever imagine for a person who seems starved for attention. Even if "Solo" doesn't do anything to help that boy, I hope he at least will NOT do anything to offend or hurt him. -- DELAWARE READER

DEAR ABBY: My father recently began treatment for cancer. He has radiation daily and chemo once a week. Mom and Dad spend many hours sitting in the hospital for these treatments.

Several families from church have asked what they can do to make my parents' lives easier at this time. I have asked that instead of offering to make meals (Mom and Dad are both on restricted diets), donating puzzle books, meditation books and crossword puzzles to be enjoyed at the hospital would be a better idea.

I also plan to assemble some "boredom-buster bags" for my parents each week, so they won't get antsy waiting around for the procedures to be finished. -- TRISHA IN MOORESVILLE, IND.

DEAR TRISHA: That's a terrific idea. However, if the church members would like to become more involved, ask them to consider saving their fashion, sports and political magazines and deliver them on a regular basis to the chemotherapy center. That way they will not only help your parents, but also other patients who are undergoing treatment there. I'm sure the donations would be greatly appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college, but aside from that, I can't seem to finish anything I start. I am a creative and talented designer, but because I no longer have deadlines, I don't see any of my projects through to completion.

I have tried giving myself personal deadlines to no avail, because I know there will be no consequences. Then I become angry and frustrated with myself, and the piles of uncompleted work get larger and larger. It seems like I am easily bored or stressed -- that's when I stop working. I long for a sense of accomplishment and pride in my abilities. Could I have a disorder? -- NEEDS HELP FINISHING TH ...

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Not unless being disorganized and not a self-starter is a disorder. Your inability to abide by personal deadlines will have serious "consequences" if you plan to have a career in design, because if you can't complete a project, you will have nothing to show potential clients. If you have nothing to show, you reduce the chances of being hired. So stop the self-indulgence and get moving!

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband and I had beautiful wood floors installed in our home. My problem is my two sons, ages 20 and 21, who constantly track dirt through the house. I have asked many times that they please wipe their feet or remove their shoes. They do it only if I am in the living room and can see them when they walk in.

I would like to tack a sign on the front door that says, "Wipe your feet or remove your shoes before entering." My husband thinks it would be rude, but he's not the one who has to constantly clean the floor.

Would it be rude to put up a sign? Or must I just continue to sweep and mop daily? -- TIRED OF MOPPING IN DENHAM SPRINGS, LA.

DEAR TIRED OF MOPPING: If your sons are the only offenders, hanging a sign should not be necessary. In your absence your husband should enforce the rules. And if he doesn't, then HE should do the mopping.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband "William" and I have been married 32 years. I love him dearly, but his health is poor. William is only 55, has had five heart attacks and has three stents in his heart. His last visit to the ER included being hit with paddles because his heart had stopped. In spite of this, my husband continues to smoke, eat whatever he wants and so on. I feel as if I am just waiting for him to die.

I think about this all the time. When I try to call my husband and he doesn't answer, I envision him at home dead on the floor. We have made all the arrangements necessary for when the time comes.

We recently moved into a new home. William works constantly around the house and then complains to me about how tired he gets. When I encourage him to take it easy and rest, he says, "I have to get everything done before I die." It's driving my crazy.

How do I end these obsessive thoughts of my husband dying? It scares me to think of life without him. We have been together since I was a teenager. Other times I feel as if his death will actually set me free. William is a good man, and I'm troubled by these constant nagging thoughts. Any advice would be a blessing. -- WAITING IN TEXAS

DEAR WAITING: Considering the circumstances, your concern is normal. If my husband had had five heart attacks and didn't take care of himself, I would be worried sick, too.

It is very important that you understand and accept that your husband is living his life on his own terms, exactly the way he wants to -- smoking, eating, fixing up the house so it will be "perfect" for the woman he loves. Enjoy him to the fullest and be thankful for every day you have with him, because the more you obsess about losing him, the less you will be able to enjoy the present. If you think about it -- the present is all that anybody is guaranteed. A talk with a therapist or a member of the clergy -- so you'll have someone to lean on when the time comes -- may help you make your way through the process of acceptance.

DEAR ABBY: I am a responsible adult, age 28. I have a college degree and a good job. I pay my bills on time and own my own home. My situation is I had a child when I was a teenager.

Often when people find out that I am his mother, they'll make a comment such as, "Oh, you're too young to have a 12-year-old child." That statement is absolutely correct. However, I don't feel I should have to go into detail about how old I was when my son was born.

Can you please provide me with a response that will not be rude but will end the conversation? While I understand where the generalizations about teenage mothers come from, they do not apply in all situations. -- YOUNG MOTHER IN CHESAPEAKE BAY, VA.

DEAR YOUNG MOTHER: Just smile at the person, say, "Thank you for the compliment," and change the subject. You are under no obligation to reveal any further details.