DEAR ABBY: I am 16 but will be 17 in a few months. I have known my boyfriend, "Gabriel," for two years. He is my first boyfriend.

After four months of dating, Gabriel has asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He had been hinting about an engagement, and I didn't have the heart to say otherwise. Gabriel is very dear to me, but I keep hearing people say, "Keep your options open." I told Gabriel that I am young (he's 18), and I want to take it slowly, but he says if I break up with him to date other guys, he will never date me again.

Abby, I want to make sure Gabriel is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes I wish I hadn't started dating him because I feel too young to be engaged or married. I love Gabriel dearly. I don't want to break his heart or mine. I am also scared I might mess up this relationship. What should I do to make myself believe that I have found my true love? -- STUCK IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STUCK: You should have been absolutely honest with Gabriel from the beginning. When you have found your own true love, you won't have to "make yourself" believe it. You will KNOW it.

Gabriel is pressuring you because he is afraid if you start dating others he won't measure up. For both your sakes, tell him that you are not ready to make the kind of commitment he is demanding. He may not like hearing it, but it is the truth. You won't break his heart, and once you have done it, you will feel a sense of relief.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married almost five years. Our wedding present from his sister and her husband -- who owns a video production company -- was supposed to be our wedding video.

Abby, we still have not received it or seen it. We have asked for it many times, and his answer is always, "I'm working on it." It's really sad. I now have two children, and this has become a sore subject. What can I do to get it without causing any more drama in the family? -- YEARNING TO SEE IT IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR YEARNING: What can you do to get it? FORget it! Either the video was lost or something went wrong with the camera during your wedding, and your brother-in-law didn't have the courage to fess up. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: I am confused. What is the rule of etiquette for buying drinks these days? I feel as though I am required to buy drinks for women whenever I am out, but I can't afford to keep this up. I'm afraid if I don't offer, I will be regarded as cheap.

I'm not dating anyone, but I still feel like it is my "macho duty" whenever I'm out with female friends or meeting women. What is the acceptable social protocol? -- J.G. IN COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS

DEAR J.G.: Things have changed a lot over the last 20 years or so. Many women prefer to buy their own drinks these days. While it is sweet of you to offer, you are under no social obligation to do so. My advice to you is to be less quick on the draw.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my husband of 25 years, "Glen," discovered that I'd had an affair 10 years earlier. After he found out, he couldn't sleep or eat, had recurring nightmares about the affair and was suicidal. He says it is still the first thing that pops into his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep. Neither of us thinks he will ever be able to get over it.

Glen doesn't want to be married to someone who would lie and cheat, and I don't want to be married to someone who can't love me. Actually, I don't think I love him, either. We have discussed divorce many times but it always comes down to our kids.

They are all on their own, but they would be devastated if we divorced -- especially if they knew what caused it. We don't want them to go through the pain that Glen has gone through. We love them and cherish the times we still have together as a family. If we were to divorce, it would never be the same.

Are we crazy to stay together for the kids? -- GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOING: I am not the person who should answer that question. Only you and Glen can do that. I can, however, advise you that you and your husband are two years overdue for couples therapy.

Infidelity is painful, but it is possible to recover from it, heal a marriage and emerge stronger than ever as a couple. However, if it is not possible to do that, then divorce is a preferable alternative to the marriage you have described.

DEAR ABBY: I have a simple answer for "Frustrated in Pennsylvania" (Nov. 30), whose wife forgets to enter her check amounts into her check register. I had the same problem when I was first married.

My smart wife went to the bank and asked for advice. The checks I've used ever since make a carbon copy. The date, to whom the check is written and the amount are all automatically recorded on the copy. The checks come in a wide selection of designs -- and the peace of mind is really nice. -- BOB B., LE CENTER, MINN.

DEAR BOB: Many readers wrote, as you did, that duplicate checks are the solution to this common problem, which, by the way, affects both men and women. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Here's what I did with my husband. We got duplicate checks. Having a copy of the check simplifies balancing the checkbook.

After first complaining he was being treated like a child about money, he got hit with multiple overdraft fees, and we were unable to attend an event he was dying to go to because we didn't have the money. He is much better now, but it took a lot of convincing to get him to use them. -- LORRAINE H., SIERRA VISTA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I could never resolve our conflicts over finances. We have more arguments about money than any other subject. We finally resolved it by getting three separate accounts: hers, mine and "household," to which we both contribute equally. -- GERALD IN LA QUINTA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have tried to have cordial relations with my neighbors, but do not have particularly close friendships with any of them.

A little over a year ago, a young man started coming to my home on a regular basis whenever my wife was out of town. After a while, he began spending the night with me when she was away.

Evidently, some of my neighbors noticed these visits and started gossiping about it, spreading the rumor that I am gay and that this young guy is my lover. More recently, however, he has spent the night when my wife is present, so now my neighbors think something kinky is going on.

At times I am puzzled by this. At other times I am angry at their arrogance and gall. The explanation is simple: The young man is my son from a previous relationship. Because we were prevented from having contact when he was a child, we are now trying to establish a relationship -- and we are making progress. My wife and other children have been wonderfully supportive in all this.

I really don't want to tell my neighbors what's going on because it will inevitably lead to a disclosure of some things that are really none of their business. But I am troubled by the rumor that I have a young male lover. What do you think I should do? -- I'M HIS DAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DAD: If you don't want to let your neighbors know the truth, then you will have to tolerate the fact that they have active imaginations and have drawn their own (mistaken) conclusions. If I were in your shoes, however, I think I'd come "out of the closet" on the paternity issue and put the gossip to rest by having your wife introduce your son around as exactly who he is.

DEAR ABBY: I started working in a medical office a year ago. I handle the financial end of the practice and, because of that, I have a private office. I have six co-workers who assume that I am antisocial because I stay in my office most of the time.

When I come out to socialize, they ignore me and have given me unpleasant vibes. I tried recently to transfer to another medical office, but my boss counter-offered so that I would stay. Out of loyalty to him, I stayed.

Now I have to continue going to lunch alone and sitting in my office all day without anyone saying a word to me. What can I do to feel more accepted? -- EXCLUDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR EXCLUDED: Try a little harder to integrate into the group by bringing some treats to the office for "the gang" and offering to share, or inviting them all out to lunch.

However, if that doesn't melt some ice, have a talk with the office manager because you have described a hostile work environment. If you are the office manager, then let the doctor know what's going on. There are steps your boss can take to rectify the situation. And if it doesn't happen, take the other job and let the doctor know why.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a "debate," and I hope you can help. When dining out in a restaurant, is it proper etiquette to ask for a taste from another person's plate? -- WHAT'S MINE IS MINE IN MAINE

DEAR W.M.I.M.: I have never heard of any rule of etiquette that forbids asking for a bite. If you're afraid your husband will take too much, place a small portion on your bread plate and pass it to him.