DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl, and I'm pretty popular in my high school. I'm blessed to have several close friends, and we always have a great time together. My grades are good, and I get along well with my mom, dad and little brother. So what's the problem, you're probably wondering.

I had an argument with my girlfriend "Amber" recently. It was over a "guy issue." I won't go into details because we did end up working it out, but Amber said something during the blowup that has me worried. She said that sometimes my anger gets out of control and concerns her. Two other girls who were with us at the time agreed with her. That floored me.

Abby, this is the first time I've heard about this. I mean, Mom sometimes calls me "Tammy Temper" -- and has accused me of "throwing fits." But my friends never called me on it. In the fight with Amber, she said my fists were clenched and she was afraid I might hit her. (I didn't think so.)

I don't want to scare people. I value my friends. I look forward to going to college and making new friends and having new experiences. I don't want to have a reputation as a hothead. Can you help me? -- "TAMMY TEMPER" IN HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR "TAMMY": Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone experiences anger at one time or another. When primitive humans encountered a threat, they would react instinctively with either fear or anger, which gave them a jolt of adrenaline enabling them to fight or escape. It was a survival mechanism.

Infants show frustration by beating their heads against the side of their cribs, screaming or holding their breath until they turn red. Young children throw tantrums, yelling, kicking or hitting. But as we grow older, we learn to recognize what is upsetting us BEFORE we react, and learn to handle the emotion in acceptable ways.

My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" contains techniques for handling anger effectively and constructively. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in this price.

Anger is an important subject. While many people have been taught from early childhood to suppress it, it is also important to learn how to express it appropriately. Admitting our anger verbally is one way. It's like releasing steam from a pressure cooker, which is both appropriate and healthy. Mature adults express emotions without "throwing fits" or making bullying gestures. Because your mother calls you "Tammy Temper" and your friends are voicing concern, the time has come for you to take control.

DEAR ABBY: When saying the Pledge of Allegiance, should you put your left hand at your side or behind your back? -- WONDERING IN NEW YORK

DEAR WONDERING: I was taught that your left hand should be at your side.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and future son-in-law are being married this summer. They are both vegans, and are planning a vegan dinner for their reception. I thought it was a very cool way of showing what different types of vegan dishes could be planned, but I'm getting grief from my husband. He thinks it is "selfish" of them not to offer a meat dish. I couldn't disagree more.

I told him I think they are right, but that I'd write to you and ask your opinion. It will have no effect on their reception, but I'd like to quiet things down on the home front. -- FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE M-I-L: This will be your daughter's day, not your husband's. I'm sure the food they offer will be not only delicious, but also sufficient to satisfy the guests, who may not even realize they aren't being offered meat.

If your husband is concerned about what will be served, he should eat before going to the wedding. Please tell him I said so, and let him chew on that.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and really like three boys. I enjoy being with each of them because they are all great guys. The problem is, each one believes that I like just him and has no idea about the others. I don't want to break any of their hearts because they have all told me they like me.

I also don't want to be thought of as a player or anyone saying I'm using them because I really do have feelings for each of them. Any advice? -- LOVES BOYS IN UTAH

DEAR LOVES BOYS: Where did each of those boys get the impression that you liked "only him"? My advice is to set the record straight now, before you DO get a reputation. Just say, "I think you're great, but I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship with anyone right now." It may not be music to their ears, but it's honest.

DEAR ABBY: I will graduate from college in June, and I plan to move back in with my parents. I have a steady job and can afford an apartment if I want, but I'd rather live with my parents because we have always had a close relationship. When I told a few friends my plans, they laughed at me.

Abby, I love my parents and have no problem living with them instead of living alone. What do I say to the "friends" who think I'm silly and stupid? -- DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL: Had you signed your letter with any other name than the one you did, I'd have advised you to tell your friends to mind their own business.

However, because this is the way you identified yourself, allow me to comment. Have you discussed your plans with your parents, and will they welcome you living with them indefinitely? Because you are an adult and self-supporting, will you be contributing financially to the household? Will you have a curfew?

An important part of growing up is leaving the nest and flying solo for a while. My concern is that by living at home and clinging to the role of "Daddy's Little Girl," you won't be able to fully mature as an individual.

DEAR READERS: Today we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. -- the great American civil rights leader, martyred in 1968, who dedicated his life to furthering equal rights for all Americans.

When Dr. King was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964, he said: "Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

With bloodshed and violence still such destructive forces in this world, there is much to be learned from his insight, his wisdom and his example. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine and his wife divorced several years ago. When their son turned 18, he changed his name to his mother's maiden name. I personally think it's a slap in the father's face. Have you heard of this before, and don't you think it's mean? -- CURIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR CURIOUS: I have heard of it in the case of a child who, for whatever reason, has become alienated from his or her parent. Is it mean? It certainly isn't a compliment, because it indicates the child does not want to be identified with the father, nor to be reminded that the man ever existed. Before you judge the young man, you should remember that there is always a reason.

DEAR ABBY: "Weary Elves in Tennessee" asked you whether a Christmas tree should be taken down before or after the New Year.

Christmas trees are a matter of personal taste and were not part of the Christian practice until fairly recently in our history. The Christmas feast itself lasts for 12 days, until Twelfth Night, Jan. 5, the eve of the Feast of the Epiphany, which falls on Jan. 6, a more ancient feast than Christmas. (Many of your readers may have grown up in households where gifts were exchanged on Jan. 6, recalling the gifts of the Magi.)

Lately, more and more Christians are trying to keep the season of Advent: the four weeks preceding the feast of Christmas. If one wants to honor the quiet anticipation of Advent, a simple wreath or an undecorated tree makes a wonderful December home addition. The household can gradually adorn the tree in the last week before Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, when darkness falls, the tree is lit for the first time. It is lit every night through Epiphany, which is also called the Feast of Lights. Jan. 7 might be a good time to take down the tree, though many Christians wait until the following Sunday evening (an extension of the Epiphany feast), or on or about the 20th day after Christmas.

As Episcopalian Christians, we usually strive for "via media" -- the middle way -- avoiding extremes. I would go for the 12 days of Christmas, a solid and rich historical and spiritual tradition of celebrating the feast. But as a former volunteer fireman, I loved your advice to "Weary Elves," Abby. By all means, DO take the tree down when the needles are overly dry and get it to the recycling lot. -- THE REV. MARK STANGER, CANON PRECENTOR, GRACE CATHEDRAL, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FR. STANGER: Thank you for chiming in on this one. In this case, the "epiphany" was mine.