DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is "over 21." I have always been a tomboy. I love to wrestle with my 200-pound boyfriend. Our struggles are vigorous, but never violent, and always end with a kiss or more.

My friends are horrified. They say I could be injured and that any man who would physically "fight" a woman is a potential wife-beater or worse.

So many people have warned me to "watch out" that now I'm beginning to wonder. To me, it's a good way to have fun and burn off calories. What's your take on this, Abby? -- LOVES TO TUSSLE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOVES TO TUSSLE: If you are the one initiating these "fights," then I doubt that your boyfriend is a potential wife-beater or worse. (If it were the other way around, I might be concerned.) What you have described sounds more like foreplay than abuse. As long as you both enjoy it and no one becomes injured, what the two of you do is nobody's business, so keep it private.

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever received an invitation for a baby shower that states, "There will be a raffle. All proceeds will go to the family to help with the cost of raising another baby"?

Abby, this is the couple's third girl in less than four years and her third baby shower. These are planned pregnancies. The woman's husband earns $75,000 a year. Prospective guests are also instructed to go online where the baby gift registry is posted.

I am completely at a loss for words after receiving this invite. Any thoughts? -- TAKEN ABACK IN WYOMING

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: You have been fairly warned about the intent of the event. Because you are turned off, the word I am suggesting is "Regrets."

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like I hate everything, but I don't think I'm depressed.

I hate working, but love my salary. I hate my co-workers, but realize they're probably no worse than any other workplace. Nothing excites me, nothing motivates me. I don't like anything in particular and have never known what I wanted to do with my life. I don't want to be married or have children. I often wonder what the point of living is. I feel like I'm living every day just to get to the end of life.

I'm sure I'm not alone. Please help me and others out there who seem to have lost hope. -- NOT HAPPY IN CANADA

DEAR NOT HAPPY: Whether you recognize it or not, you may be depressed. As anyone who has read this column knows, there is medical and psychiatric help for depression, which sometimes has a physical cause.

However, as I have read and re-read your letter, I am struck by the listlessness and boredom it conveys. Perhaps you would be happier if you dwelt less on yourself and the emptiness you feel, and spent some time helping people who are less fortunate than you. Leo Rosten once wrote that the purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make a difference that you lived at all -- using the talents that God has given you for the betterment of others.

Please consider what I have said because you are spending far too much time thinking about what you're missing, and frankly may need a verbal kick in the fanny.

DEAR ABBY: You're in a position to do young people a great service by educating a generation that has grown up in a casual-dress world that there's a line between how one dresses in one's personal life and how one dresses for work. Cross it, and it could negatively affect your career.

I work for a large multinational company, and I am often shocked at the way people dress. Although there are clear business/casual guidelines, these lines are crossed by men and women alike. Talks behind closed doors have no effect. Sending out the corporate dress code to the staff has yielded no change in behavior.

I finally consulted the HR department and came up with an approved solution. The dress code was again sent out to all employees in my department, with the warning that the next violation would mean being sent home and deducting the time as a vacation day.

Sure enough, "Disco Dolly" showed up in a sheer, low-cut, sleeveless blouse with a micro-mini skirt and strappy sandals. When I sent her home, she complained that she was saving her vacation days. I told her she had violated the company's dress code -- again.

I also pointed out that her chances of promotion were now compromised thanks to the demonstration she had given that following simple instructions was beyond her capabilities. If you want to be regarded as a serious professional, dress like one! Some "suggestions":

1. DRESS FOR SUCCESS, not sex. Women should not dress like streetwalkers. Leave the sexy, short, filmy dresses, cleavage-baring blouses and spaghetti straps for your personal life. This is an office, not a cocktail party.

2. COVER UP. No sandals or designer flip-flops. We don't want to see your pedicure, your toe rings, the crust on your heels, or smell your feet.

3. MAKE IT FIT. Anything that hugs the body too tightly is not right for the office. We have a woman working here who looks like a sausage stuffed in a floral polyester casing. It's hard to take her seriously. The same goes for a man whose pants are so tight that you can tell his religion. Ditto for pants that are so loose and low-slung you can see his underwear or her thong.

4. DON'T POLLUTE. By this I mean go easy on the fragrance. Some people have breathing problems and allergies. Do not pollute the office with a scent that arrives 10 minutes before you do and lingers hours after you've gone. This applies to men as well as women.

5. BATHE. There seems to be a new "natural" cult popping up whose adherents believe that washing removes vital oils from the skin and should be avoided. This phenomenon is more often, but not always, a male habit. Anyone in close contact with others should bathe or shower DAILY. -- TRYING TO RUN A BUSINESS IN FLORIDA

DEAR TRYING: I'm willing to wager that your letter will be posted on millions of bulletin boards in the business world. Your "suggestions" make good sense. While many companies allow employees to dress down on "casual Fridays," any business that wants the people it hires to be taken seriously should impress upon them that they must present themselves in a professional manner. Some companies do this in the form of an employee manual that lays it out in black and white. Because your directive was ignored, you were right to let "Disco Dolly" know there would be a penalty for noncompliance.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After many years of being single, I met a woman I'll call "Trish" on a blind date. We're both in our late 40s, and we hit it off. We have many things in common.

One night I was at her place when she received a phone call. Trish made it short and sweet and hung up. A few minutes later, I asked who it was, and she told me it was her boss. Abby, I know how she answers the phone when it's her boss -- and it wasn't him. When I said, "That was NOT your boss," she admitted it was one of her boss's clients, but said nothing was going on between them.

When I first met Trish, she mentioned that a client had come in one day, had wine and cheese, then leaned over and kissed her. It's the same guy that called -- and he's married.

I am very hurt. We have both been cheated on. I don't think she has cheated, but she lied to my face. My first instinct is to dump her, but I love her. What should I do? -- HURT IN VERMONT

DEAR HURT: Are you and Trish in a committed relationship? If not, you had no right to question her about who was calling.

That said, a person who would lie to you once would lie to you twice. Listen to your gut. She may not be having a physical affair, but something is going on or she wouldn't have tried to mislead you about who was on the phone.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since I was a child, when my mother gave me a gift, as I opened it she would always say that she had bought a bigger, better or prettier gift for me -- but liked it so much she decided to keep it for herself.

Once she told me that she had purchased a jacket for me, but kept it even though she is several sizes smaller than I am. After wearing it a few times, she offered it to me because it was "too big for her."

My mother was the oldest of six children, and I am her only child. Why do you think she behaves as she does? -- WOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WOUNDED: That your mother feels the need on every special occasion to tell you that she comes first indicates that something within herself is missing. As the oldest of six children, was her childhood deprived in some way? Is this her only eccentricity, and is she an ideal mother the rest of the year? I find it sad that your mother is unable to give with a generous heart. If she's this way with a gift, it follows that she must be this way about other things, too.

DEAR ABBY: The other night, some friends and I were visiting and telling stories. In one story, I used the word "sneaked," and everyone corrected my grammar saying that "snuck" is the correct form and "sneaked" is not a word. I disagree.

I hear people use the word "snuck," but I don't think "snuck" is a word. Who is right? -- SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: "Sneaked" and "snuck" are both words, according to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th Edition. "Sneaked," however, is more generally accepted among fussy grammarians like me.

DEAR ABBY: Is it proper for a married woman to go out to eat alone when her husband refuses to take her? -- SOLO IN SHERMAN, TEXAS

DEAR SOLO: Absolutely, if she can afford to pay for it and there is enough pet food in the doghouse.