DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old man in college. I am training for a profession I will love, and I know my future will be very bright.

I would like to volunteer at a soup kitchen or do something for the poor. I have done turkey drives and food drives before, but never worked directly with the people I'm trying to help. My problem is I tend to become very sad or feel helpless when I'm around disadvantaged people. I identify too strongly with their suffering.

Abby, I want to help as many people as I can during my short time on this planet, but I'm paralyzed by their pain. Is something wrong with me? Have you any suggestions? -- WANTS TO HELP IN EDEN, N.Y.

DEAR WANTS TO HELP: My grandfather used to say that a thin line separates those who have from those who don't, and it is the responsibility of those who have to reach out and do something to help the less fortunate. In your case, donating your time would be enormously helpful, and frankly, seeing you personally offering your assistance would go a long way to lifting the spirits of some needy people.

Because you are nervous about it, consider transitioning to the "front lines" by starting with food prep in the kitchen of the shelter and working your way forward as you gain more confidence. Yes, the clients are people in trouble. But they depend on the kindness of people like you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been joking recently about being a "closet case." There has always been somewhat of a question about that in the back of my mind. Another ingredient to throw in is the fact that he is very controlling about everything, including sex -- which he withholds unless it's his idea. So, is he a closet case or is he just a controlling person? -- UNSURE IN IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: While many a truth is spoken in jest, having never met your husband, I cannot decide for you whether or not he is gay or bisexual. He does, from your description, however, appear to be an unsatisfying life partner on at least two levels. So my question to you is, do you think you're better off with him or without him -- and is this the way you plan to live the rest of your life?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I watch our 2-year-old granddaughter almost every weekend. She and her parents live about 60 miles from us.

The problem is, we agreed when we started taking her that we would meet halfway. But for reasons unknown to me, we always have to drive a lot more than halfway. I have checked the mileage and pointed it out to my daughter and son-in-law, and they ignore it.

This may seem petty, but I'm sick of it. They both work and earn more than we do. Don't you think free baby-sitting is reason enough to get your child to the baby sitter? -- GRAND "MA" IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR GRAND "MA": Yes, I do. But as long as you tolerate this arrangement, it will continue. Instead of letting your daughter and son-in-law tell you where they are going to meet you, tell THEM where you will meet them.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship, but there is one big problem. I don't like to share blankets at bedtime. The truth is, I like to sleep comfortably with my blankets tucked all around. I have honestly tried sharing, but I can't sleep that way or even get comfortable. My boyfriend thinks I'm weird and that I don't like being close to him at night. Isn't sharing a bed enough? -- CREATURE OF HABIT

DEAR CREATURE: In my opinion it is, but because your boyfriend doesn't agree with you, you DO have a problem. Getting enough sleep is important for maintaining one's health, and studies show that people aren't getting enough of it these days. Try explaining this to him, along with the fact that intimacy is what happens BEFORE you hit the sheets.

However, if he still doesn't get it, then he will have to decide whether your virtues outweigh your "idiosyncrasy." (Believe me, I've heard worse.)

DEAR ABBY: My darling husband, "Darren," and I are soul mates, yet he has asked me for a divorce. He says it's not because he doesn't love me, but because he does.

Abby, we may be facing bankruptcy. Darren doesn't want to drag me and my credit down. He doesn't want to leave, and thinks that after we divorce our life can go on as it has been -- although on paper we'll no longer be husband and wife.

My first thought was, No! We are husband and wife. I MEANT "for richer or poorer." We're in our 50s, and Darren says he is looking out for my future.

I am committed to my marriage and believe we're in this financial situation together. I didn't marry Darren for his money, and I certainly don't want to divorce him over money.

Darren swears this isn't an excuse to get out of our marriage. He says we can be married again as soon as we're back on our feet. Am I wrong about this, Abby? Should I "suspend" our marriage? It's breaking my heart to even consider it. -- IN TEARS IN TUCSON

DEAR IN TEARS: Dry your tears and make an appointment for you and Darren to consult your CPA. Your husband is either misguided, or he MAY be making an excuse to get out of the marriage.

Because the bills were run up during your marriage, divorce may not relieve you from liability. Of course, laws vary from state to state, however, it may be possible for your husband to file bankruptcy on his own. Furthermore, there needs to be a reason for divorce, and there are penalties for making false statements. So I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married this year and have an etiquette question. A close family member was recently arrested and will be in jail at the time my wedding takes place. Because of our close relationship, I would like to invite him, but I'm worried that to do so would be considered more offensive than not inviting him, as he will obviously not be able to attend. What do you think? -- TRYING TO BE KIND IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR TRYING TO BE KIND: Because of the circumstances, write your family member a letter telling him that you are being married, that you love him, and you will be thinking of him on your wedding day. My feeling is sending a formal invitation would make him feel even more isolated and left out than he already does.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I caught my fiance cheating on me. I was devastated. In my heart I don't think he would do it again, but still I find myself looking through his e-mails, checking phone records, etc. I find myself crying hysterically and replaying the moment I found out he was cheating over and over again in my head. It's driving me insane. I want to forgive him, but I don't think I can.

Can you please help me find a way to let go of the past and return to the confident me? -- LIVING IN THE PAST IN PHOENIX

DEAR LIVING IN THE PAST: I wish you had written me sooner. You and your fiance may need couples therapy. His willingness to participate would prove that he's willing to do everything he can to reassure you that he won't cheat again. It may also help you both understand why it happened, and help you to erase the old tapes playing in your head.

However, if this doesn't work, accept that you should break the engagement -- because a marriage without trust is missing the very foundation of the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and know in my heart that I'm gay, even though I'd give anything not to be. So far, I have kept this to myself, but I don't think I can keep it within forever.

Please tell me how you "come out." I am worried sick about what will happen, since my parents belong to a church that believes homosexuality is a terrible sin.

Will my parents still love me? Will my friends reject me? Will my sister, who I've always been close to, be afraid to keep sharing a room with me?

As hard as I have tried, I can't change the feelings I have inside, so I know I have to deal with this, but I don't know what to do. Please help me. -- TORMENTED GIRL IN LOUISIANA

DEAR TORMENTED GIRL: I can only imagine the stress and anxiety you are experiencing. My heart goes out to you.

As you clearly point out in your letter, sexual orientation is not a choice, but something a person is born with. Not knowing your parents or your inner circle of friends, I can't predict how they will react if you tell them you are gay. But if your instincts tell you that your family will react badly, then I advise you to wait to come out until you are out of their house and self-supporting.

In the meantime, allow me to share two helpful resources. The first is PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). This organization has been around since the early 1980s, and from it you will receive specific advice on how to deal with your parents. Its Web site is www.pflag.org, and I highly recommend it.

The second is the Trevor Helpline, a nationwide, 24-hour crisis helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people. Its toll-free number is (866) 488-7386. You can find out more by going to www.thetrevorproject.org.

DEAR ABBY: Six years ago my 16-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. Just the other day I found some thank-you cards I thought I had sent. I also know that at the end I just couldn't write any more thank yous because of my grief. Should I mail the cards after all this time? -- STILL WONDERING IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STILL WONDERING: Yes, you should. But when you do, include a short note explaining exactly what you have said to me. People who love and care about you will understand.