DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship, but there is one big problem. I don't like to share blankets at bedtime. The truth is, I like to sleep comfortably with my blankets tucked all around. I have honestly tried sharing, but I can't sleep that way or even get comfortable. My boyfriend thinks I'm weird and that I don't like being close to him at night. Isn't sharing a bed enough? -- CREATURE OF HABIT

DEAR CREATURE: In my opinion it is, but because your boyfriend doesn't agree with you, you DO have a problem. Getting enough sleep is important for maintaining one's health, and studies show that people aren't getting enough of it these days. Try explaining this to him, along with the fact that intimacy is what happens BEFORE you hit the sheets.

However, if he still doesn't get it, then he will have to decide whether your virtues outweigh your "idiosyncrasy." (Believe me, I've heard worse.)

DEAR ABBY: My darling husband, "Darren," and I are soul mates, yet he has asked me for a divorce. He says it's not because he doesn't love me, but because he does.

Abby, we may be facing bankruptcy. Darren doesn't want to drag me and my credit down. He doesn't want to leave, and thinks that after we divorce our life can go on as it has been -- although on paper we'll no longer be husband and wife.

My first thought was, No! We are husband and wife. I MEANT "for richer or poorer." We're in our 50s, and Darren says he is looking out for my future.

I am committed to my marriage and believe we're in this financial situation together. I didn't marry Darren for his money, and I certainly don't want to divorce him over money.

Darren swears this isn't an excuse to get out of our marriage. He says we can be married again as soon as we're back on our feet. Am I wrong about this, Abby? Should I "suspend" our marriage? It's breaking my heart to even consider it. -- IN TEARS IN TUCSON

DEAR IN TEARS: Dry your tears and make an appointment for you and Darren to consult your CPA. Your husband is either misguided, or he MAY be making an excuse to get out of the marriage.

Because the bills were run up during your marriage, divorce may not relieve you from liability. Of course, laws vary from state to state, however, it may be possible for your husband to file bankruptcy on his own. Furthermore, there needs to be a reason for divorce, and there are penalties for making false statements. So I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married this year and have an etiquette question. A close family member was recently arrested and will be in jail at the time my wedding takes place. Because of our close relationship, I would like to invite him, but I'm worried that to do so would be considered more offensive than not inviting him, as he will obviously not be able to attend. What do you think? -- TRYING TO BE KIND IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR TRYING TO BE KIND: Because of the circumstances, write your family member a letter telling him that you are being married, that you love him, and you will be thinking of him on your wedding day. My feeling is sending a formal invitation would make him feel even more isolated and left out than he already does.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I caught my fiance cheating on me. I was devastated. In my heart I don't think he would do it again, but still I find myself looking through his e-mails, checking phone records, etc. I find myself crying hysterically and replaying the moment I found out he was cheating over and over again in my head. It's driving me insane. I want to forgive him, but I don't think I can.

Can you please help me find a way to let go of the past and return to the confident me? -- LIVING IN THE PAST IN PHOENIX

DEAR LIVING IN THE PAST: I wish you had written me sooner. You and your fiance may need couples therapy. His willingness to participate would prove that he's willing to do everything he can to reassure you that he won't cheat again. It may also help you both understand why it happened, and help you to erase the old tapes playing in your head.

However, if this doesn't work, accept that you should break the engagement -- because a marriage without trust is missing the very foundation of the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and know in my heart that I'm gay, even though I'd give anything not to be. So far, I have kept this to myself, but I don't think I can keep it within forever.

Please tell me how you "come out." I am worried sick about what will happen, since my parents belong to a church that believes homosexuality is a terrible sin.

Will my parents still love me? Will my friends reject me? Will my sister, who I've always been close to, be afraid to keep sharing a room with me?

As hard as I have tried, I can't change the feelings I have inside, so I know I have to deal with this, but I don't know what to do. Please help me. -- TORMENTED GIRL IN LOUISIANA

DEAR TORMENTED GIRL: I can only imagine the stress and anxiety you are experiencing. My heart goes out to you.

As you clearly point out in your letter, sexual orientation is not a choice, but something a person is born with. Not knowing your parents or your inner circle of friends, I can't predict how they will react if you tell them you are gay. But if your instincts tell you that your family will react badly, then I advise you to wait to come out until you are out of their house and self-supporting.

In the meantime, allow me to share two helpful resources. The first is PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). This organization has been around since the early 1980s, and from it you will receive specific advice on how to deal with your parents. Its Web site is www.pflag.org, and I highly recommend it.

The second is the Trevor Helpline, a nationwide, 24-hour crisis helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people. Its toll-free number is (866) 488-7386. You can find out more by going to www.thetrevorproject.org.

DEAR ABBY: Six years ago my 16-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. Just the other day I found some thank-you cards I thought I had sent. I also know that at the end I just couldn't write any more thank yous because of my grief. Should I mail the cards after all this time? -- STILL WONDERING IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STILL WONDERING: Yes, you should. But when you do, include a short note explaining exactly what you have said to me. People who love and care about you will understand.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Perplexed in South Dakota" (Oct. 15), who said "terrible things" to her friend in anger. The friend forgave her, but did not wish to continue the friendship.

I have been in that position, but my situation went beyond hurtful words. At the time, I was in a great deal of emotional pain and was devastated because I trusted the people involved. I struggled with forgiving them, and I am happy to say that I recently did.

Through the process, I learned two important lessons: First, forgiveness has everything to do with me and very little to do with the offender. By letting go of the hurt, I freed myself from the emotional bondage I was in.

The second lesson I learned was that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. When you lose trust in someone, it takes time to regain it. Sometimes the damage can never fully be repaired. -- BEEN THERE IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for sharing what you learned. I told "Perplexed" that even though her friend no longer holds a grudge, she may consider "Perplexed" too dangerous to allow back in her life. Readers agreed with my advice that "Perplexed" watch what she says in anger in the future and cited their own experiences. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: One of my best friends and I had a falling-out some time ago due to a misunderstanding (I'll spare you the details). It was very painful for both of us.

She cut off contact with me first, and it was devastating. Despite my efforts, she apparently needed time to gather her thoughts and feelings. After a year and a half she called me, apologized and said she hoped we could pick up where we had left off. The problem is: I can't. I was hurt to the core.

I still stay in touch with her, but my heart is no longer where it was. Although I miss her, I still resent her misjudgment of my loyalty. Forgiveness has many levels, and one level may be that of closure. -- NOT THE SAME IN THE EAST

DEAR ABBY: It is interesting that after saying terrible things to her friend, "Perplexed" did not apologize for several weeks, waited for her ex-friend to contact her, and apologized only after being informed by the friend that she was ending the friendship. The apology was self-serving, given only to convince her friend not to dump her. Why didn't she call immediately after realizing that what she said was awful?

In addition, her apology was in writing, instead of on the phone or in person, to avoid the discomfort of facing her friend. The message this reluctant apology sends is that she was never going to apologize unless and until she stood to lose something.

I see no true remorse -- only indignation that her friend is not "forgiving" her correctly. Some people need to learn what a proper apology is. -- SEEN IT ALL BEFORE IN UPSTATE N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps this example will help "Perplexed" better understand why the friend to whom she said hurtful words couldn't forgive and forget: Take a jar of nails and hammer them into a wooden fence. Imagine that each and every nail is a cruel or unkind word. Now remove each nail one by one, apologizing each time you do. When you are done, stand back and look at the fence. The nails are gone, but the holes remain. Cruel words can leave wounds that no amount of apology can fully erase. -- LIVING BY THAT EXAMPLE IN CALIF.