DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Felix" for six years. He moved in with me a year ago. We decided to do it because it made sense economically, and also to find out if our lifestyles meshed. We now know that we are compatible, and I feel that I am living with the man I would like to marry soon.

My problem is although I have a stable, high-paying job and am ready for marriage and children, Felix is not. He has given me the distinct impression that he has no plans to marry me for at least two years -- until he finds a higher-paying job and can support himself instead of depending on me.

I feel awkward not knowing when -- or if -- Felix will propose. I now realize that I acted too soon in encouraging us to live together. I don't know if I should just accept our living situation or ask him to move out until he's ready for marriage. How should I approach this without making him think I no longer love him? -- TOO QUICK IN SAN JOSE

DEAR TOO QUICK: You and Felix need to have a loving -- but frank -- conversation. I respect the fact that he doesn't want to be married until he is in a stronger financial position. And I also respect the fact that you don't want to just live together indefinitely.

A lot can happen in two years. People's goals can change, they can meet others and their careers can separate them. It appears that you and Felix may suffer from a case of bad timing. It is important that both of you be free to grow in your own ways.

While this might seem sad, it does not mean that you do not care for each other, or that you won't wind up together. But for now, some separation would be the healthiest thing for both of you. If your relationship is meant to be, his moving out won't kill it.

DEAR ABBY: Our neighbors are taking advantage of us. They go on five vacations a year and expect us to watch their cat and house -- for no pay. This includes shoveling snow, watering plants and flowers, mowing their lawn, getting their mail and feeding their cat, along with litter box duty. They insist that "Princess" be checked on twice a day.

My husband and I work full-time and have three small children. We have told our neighbors how busy we are, but they still expect it of us. They don't even ask nicely. They'll say, "We're going to be gone for a week and will need you to take care of our place."

They're an older couple and generally good neighbors, but we feel that if they can afford to take all these trips, they can also afford to pay us. They do bring us trinkets from their travels, but we could really use the money. They have no children or other close neighbors.

What should we do? Please hurry because they have another trip coming up. -- POOPED-OUT PET SITTERS

DEAR POOPED OUT: Start checking around to see what professional house and pet sitters are charging for their services in your area. Then have a frank chat with these neighbors and inform them what the going rate is, and that rather than trinkets you could use the money. If they're smart, they'll compensate you because you have already proven that you are honest and reliable as well as close by.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have built and begun using a second home. We have entertained some wonderful houseguests here.

Last weekend, a couple of longtime friends, "Shirley" and "Arnold," came to stay for three days. They were the most miserable three days I can remember, mostly because of Arnold.

He dominated all conversation, expected all his food to be served to him -- even though the dessert course was explicitly buffet-style -- made noises while eating and never once offered to prepare any food.

The final straw came during the last night of their stay. Arnold came into the living room in his pajamas, lay down on the couch and, when he saw what we were already watching on TV, said, "I prefer the History Channel." I was so dumbfounded I could only laugh.

Needless to say, we are not planning to invite Arnold and Shirley back (which creates some other problems). What, if anything, should I say to this couple? And are there any books or other resources on "how to be a good houseguest" that I can send him anonymously? -- DISTURBED IN THE DESERT

DEAR DISTURBED: Because Arnold and Shirley are "longtime friends," it is surprising that you hadn't noticed the husband's boorish behavior before. But sometimes you don't get to really know a person until after you have lived with him.

I do not recommend trying to educate this man on good manners at this late date. It is amazing how thin-skinned people with Arnold's lack of sensitivity for others can be. Nor should you send him any anonymous literature. He and his wife would know where it came from, so please don't sink to that level.

Sometimes silence speaks the loudest. Do not invite them again, and that will convey your message.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree about when to take down the Christmas decorations. I know there are some superstitions associated with leaving them up too long or taking them down too soon. Also, should the tree be taken down before or after the New Year? -- WEARY ELVES IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WEARY ELVES: I am unaware of any superstitions concerning Christmas decorations. Many people leave their decorations (and trees) up if they are entertaining for New Year's Eve. However, common sense dictates that when the needles start falling and the tree shows signs of drying out, it should be disposed of so it doesn't become a fire hazard.

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter, "Marsha," lives at home and will walk in and start a conversation or tell me something while I'm watching the news or some other show I'm interested in. Marsha never seems to arrive during commercials, which I'd gladly skip.

If I don't stop what I'm doing and pay full attention to her, she becomes offended. I feel she is interrupting. Who's right? -- JAMES IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JAMES: You are. However, a compromise might be to invest in a digital video recorder. That way you can "pause" whatever you're watching and return to it when interrupted. (It's also a godsend if you need to grab a snack or go to the bathroom.)

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Brandy," and I have been living together for about six months. Whenever she has any free time, she's out with her sister or one of her friends.

I am not a needy person, but I yearn for a little affection. Brandy quit her job, and I pay all the bills. I have been paying the bills for three months now, and it hurts me to the bone that she doesn't want to spend time with me. I see no reason why she wouldn't say thanks once in a while or show me some affection.

I must admit that I messed up with her a while ago, before she moved in. When we first started living together, Brandy would sit on my lap while we watched TV and hold my hand every once in a while. But now she says the mess-up is the reason she's not affectionate with me. It almost sounds like an excuse.

I am considering moving back home, but I love her very much. I'd like to work this out. I don't know what to do because every time I think about breaking up, I break down and cry. Help me! -- HURTING IN CORONA, N.Y.

DEAR HURTING: Grab another hankie, because you may need one. Brandy may have been in love with you when you first began living together, but it appears the passion has cooled. While there is an ebb and flow to most relationships, the fact that Brandy prefers to spend her free time with others sends a strong message -- especially when it is coupled with the fact that she no longer wants to be close or show affection.

You must ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want to be involved in for the long term. From my perspective, it appears to lack some important qualities. Repairing the relationship will take some effort on Brandy's part. But if the romance is over, painful or not, you should face it and go home.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has a habit that initially family members thought was funny but now is making us anxious and concerned. When we eat in a restaurant, she insists on having a tablecloth or placemat where she is seated.

If the restaurant is "family oriented," she will ask for napkins and create her own placemat before she is served her meal. If the restaurant is more formal, she will call ahead and inquire about a tablecloth. If they don't have linen tablecloths on each table, she will request that they provide one for her.

She seems to be getting more obsessive and demanding about this "quirk" as time goes on. Should we be concerned? -- ANXIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR ANXIOUS: Ask your mother-in-law why she seems to be concerned about this, and if her answer is that she is germ-phobic, ask her to explain why her concern is escalating. She may be concerned that the table may not have been properly sanitized after a previous patron coughed, sneezed, etc., and that she'll pick up a virus.

Should you be concerned? Yes, if her behavior is becoming bizarre about other things, too. Any abrupt change in an older person's behavior should be mentioned to her (or his) health care professional.