DEAR ABBY: Four months ago, a guy I know from work asked if he could stay with me for a few weeks until he finished saving for his own apartment. Two weeks later he was fired from his job. When I told him he could stay, I said I wouldn't charge him rent, but that he would need to buy his own food, toiletries, etc. He did at first, but has since started helping himself to mine.

I have a 7-year-old son who lives with me, and I was recently laid off from my job. I am now living off savings and unemployment, and things are tight.

Abby, this guy isn't even looking for work. All he does is sleep all day and watch TV. Not only that, he tries to dictate what shows I watch and even turns the channel in the middle of a show when I go to the bathroom. How can I get this freeloader out of here? -- AT MY LIMIT IN GRAND HAVEN, MICH.

DEAR AT YOUR LIMIT: This man will not leave until you insist upon it. Remind your "houseguest" that he was supposed to stay with you for only a few weeks, the "visit" is now over, and it's time for him to relocate. Do not expect gratitude for the hospitality you have extended, and you will not be disappointed.

If he is not out by the date you set, get some friends together to pack his things for him and put them outside. And if he gives you any trouble, call the police.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school, and my friends and I are all looking at different colleges. I have one friend whose parents are all about deciding what is right for him and won't let him make the final decision as to where he should go. They believe that choosing a college is all about connections and what careers make the most money.

Shouldn't my friend be able to pursue his dream of becoming a writer and attend the college of his choice? Should his parents be able to make the decision about where he should go? -- FRYEBURG, MAINE, SENIOR

DEAR SENIOR: Theoretically, your friend should be able to make his own choice about what career he will pursue and what college he will attend. However, if his parents are paying for his education, he will have to abide by their rules.

The question is, what is your friend willing to sacrifice in order to pursue his dream? If he's willing to work and take out loans for his education, there is nothing stopping him.

DEAR ABBY: My sister has two grandchildren, whom I adore. I would like to take them places and do things with them, but my sister, who has a severe weight problem and is unable to walk, won't let me unless I'm willing to push her around in her wheelchair and take her, too.

I feel bad for the kids because they rarely get to do anything. I have thought about going around my sister to their mother, but it would probably make my sister mad. The children's mother has little money, and the father is not in the picture. Do you think I can justify putting the kids before my sister? -- GREAT-AUNT WHO CARES IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR GREAT-AUNT: Your mistake was in allowing your sister to make those children part of a package deal in the first place. You should not exclude her permanently, but there is no reason why she must be included on every excursion. By all means talk to their mother.

DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, my sons -- ages 10 and 11 -- met a 10-year-old boy named "Adam" and have played with him often since. During this time, Adam's mother and I have cultivated a warm friendship that I don't want to lose.

The problem? My sons don't like to play with Adam anymore. They say he cries and storms out when he doesn't get his way. I have observed this behavior myself. His mom has commented on it to me, but doesn't know what to do about it.

How can I tell my good friend that my kids don't want to play with her son anymore? CAN I tell her? My sons have "sucked it up" several times now so I could visit with her, but I don't think it's fair to keep asking them to do that. My boys get along nicely with their other friends and would rather play with them. Is there any way to solve this? -- BAFFLED IN CHARLOTTE

DEAR BAFFLED: It would be a kindness to tell Adam's mother that it's time to do something she should have done years ago -- better late than never: explain to her son the effect his behavior has on other kids, and that if it continues he will have no friends to play with.

The boy is old enough to understand plain English, and also cause and effect. If there is a father anywhere in the picture, he should also talk to his son.

Adam should also be warned by his mother that if he pulls that nonsense again with your boys, he won't be invited back. Then he should be given one more chance to participate at an appropriate age level and not a 2-year-old's.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Iris," has suffered from depression for years, partly due to the success I have achieved in my life. I have traveled internationally, received scholarships, and now at 26, have a well-paying job and a loving husband.

Iris dropped out of college twice, works a minimum-wage job and has never had a boyfriend. I never brag about any of my achievements, but we talk on the phone often and she knows everything that's going on in my life.

My sister has never openly displayed any jealousy or resentment, but our mother has confided to me that Iris has been taking antidepressants for years and feels that she has never accomplished anything "great."

I have now learned that I'm expecting my first child. I'm afraid that when Iris finds out, she may be devastated. How can I tell her without sending her into a deeper depression, and how can I enjoy the good things that happen to me without feeling guilty about my sister? -- GUILTY ACHIEVER IN CANADA

DEAR GUILTY ACHIEVER: A step in the right direction would be for you to do some reading about chronic depression, so you can understand that your achievements did not cause your sister's problem. She is taking antidepressants to help her regulate a chemical imbalance in her brain that, apparently, she has been trying to cope with for many years -- which would explain why she had difficulty with personal relationships and her studies. If she's not already receiving it, psychotherapy -- in addition to her medications -- could help her.

The time has come to stop feeling guilty for your blessings. Tell your sister about the baby and let her share your happiness until she's well enough to find it on her own. It could help with her healing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old man who has never been in a serious relationship until now. I have been seeing "Stephie" for eight months and think I may be in love with her.

I have successfully managed to evade Stephie's questions about my past and got away with it until recently. She keeps asking me about the scars on my body. (I was physically abused by my parents when I was a child.) Regrettably, I lied to her about the nature of the scars.

Stephie wants to be married and start a family, and so do I. She wants her kids to have a great dad, and I think I can be a very good parent. I would never do to my kids what was done to me.

On the one hand, I want an open, honest relationship with her. On the other, I'm afraid if I tell her the truth she will leave me, and I'll spiral into another five-year depression I may not be able to escape from.

My parents are both dead now, so I could continue to lie without Stephie ever knowing. But I get the feeling she doesn't entirely believe what I've been telling her. What should I do? -- SURVIVOR IN OHIO

DEAR SURVIVOR: Because you are discussing a future together, it's time to level with Stephie about everything. That you would not want to discuss this painful subject at the beginning of a relationship is understandable. But please do not continue the deception.

You should also explain to Stephie about your period of clinical depression. If she's going to marry you, she has a right to know your medical history.

Yes, telling her may be risky. However, if she loves you, she will accept you just the way you are. And if she isn't up to the challenge, it's better to find out now before becoming any more involved.

P.S. If you feel that a breakup could trigger another round of depression, it is important that you talk to a psychotherapist NOW. The abuse you suffered in childhood may have left emotional scars as lasting as the physical ones, but with therapy you may be able to heal.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how to react to something a friend of mine recently told me. We have known "Lois" and her husband for more than 30 years. They no longer live in this city, but visit occasionally. When they do, we always invite them to stay in our home.

On their last visit, Lois was talking about her only child, "Deidre," whom I have always liked. Lois, out of the blue, began chuckling and then told me that Deidre does a good imitation of me. Lois sat there giggling for a few minutes, then said that Deidre sounded almost as much like me as I do. I made no comment.

Frankly, I was taken aback that someone would do an imitation of me. I got the impression that Deidre has been doing my "act" for a while, and I found it disturbing. My husband says it's a form of flattery, but I think it's demeaning. I also think impersonating someone for the amusement of others -- especially if the person is not around -- is rude. What do you think? -- JOKE'S ON ME IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR J.O.M.: I think you should have asked your friend Lois to clarify her remark at the time she made it. But because you didn't, bring it up the next time you talk to her and let her explain what was so funny.

Personally, I think such imitations are often a form of ridicule and are unkind.