DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, my sons -- ages 10 and 11 -- met a 10-year-old boy named "Adam" and have played with him often since. During this time, Adam's mother and I have cultivated a warm friendship that I don't want to lose.

The problem? My sons don't like to play with Adam anymore. They say he cries and storms out when he doesn't get his way. I have observed this behavior myself. His mom has commented on it to me, but doesn't know what to do about it.

How can I tell my good friend that my kids don't want to play with her son anymore? CAN I tell her? My sons have "sucked it up" several times now so I could visit with her, but I don't think it's fair to keep asking them to do that. My boys get along nicely with their other friends and would rather play with them. Is there any way to solve this? -- BAFFLED IN CHARLOTTE

DEAR BAFFLED: It would be a kindness to tell Adam's mother that it's time to do something she should have done years ago -- better late than never: explain to her son the effect his behavior has on other kids, and that if it continues he will have no friends to play with.

The boy is old enough to understand plain English, and also cause and effect. If there is a father anywhere in the picture, he should also talk to his son.

Adam should also be warned by his mother that if he pulls that nonsense again with your boys, he won't be invited back. Then he should be given one more chance to participate at an appropriate age level and not a 2-year-old's.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Iris," has suffered from depression for years, partly due to the success I have achieved in my life. I have traveled internationally, received scholarships, and now at 26, have a well-paying job and a loving husband.

Iris dropped out of college twice, works a minimum-wage job and has never had a boyfriend. I never brag about any of my achievements, but we talk on the phone often and she knows everything that's going on in my life.

My sister has never openly displayed any jealousy or resentment, but our mother has confided to me that Iris has been taking antidepressants for years and feels that she has never accomplished anything "great."

I have now learned that I'm expecting my first child. I'm afraid that when Iris finds out, she may be devastated. How can I tell her without sending her into a deeper depression, and how can I enjoy the good things that happen to me without feeling guilty about my sister? -- GUILTY ACHIEVER IN CANADA

DEAR GUILTY ACHIEVER: A step in the right direction would be for you to do some reading about chronic depression, so you can understand that your achievements did not cause your sister's problem. She is taking antidepressants to help her regulate a chemical imbalance in her brain that, apparently, she has been trying to cope with for many years -- which would explain why she had difficulty with personal relationships and her studies. If she's not already receiving it, psychotherapy -- in addition to her medications -- could help her.

The time has come to stop feeling guilty for your blessings. Tell your sister about the baby and let her share your happiness until she's well enough to find it on her own. It could help with her healing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old man who has never been in a serious relationship until now. I have been seeing "Stephie" for eight months and think I may be in love with her.

I have successfully managed to evade Stephie's questions about my past and got away with it until recently. She keeps asking me about the scars on my body. (I was physically abused by my parents when I was a child.) Regrettably, I lied to her about the nature of the scars.

Stephie wants to be married and start a family, and so do I. She wants her kids to have a great dad, and I think I can be a very good parent. I would never do to my kids what was done to me.

On the one hand, I want an open, honest relationship with her. On the other, I'm afraid if I tell her the truth she will leave me, and I'll spiral into another five-year depression I may not be able to escape from.

My parents are both dead now, so I could continue to lie without Stephie ever knowing. But I get the feeling she doesn't entirely believe what I've been telling her. What should I do? -- SURVIVOR IN OHIO

DEAR SURVIVOR: Because you are discussing a future together, it's time to level with Stephie about everything. That you would not want to discuss this painful subject at the beginning of a relationship is understandable. But please do not continue the deception.

You should also explain to Stephie about your period of clinical depression. If she's going to marry you, she has a right to know your medical history.

Yes, telling her may be risky. However, if she loves you, she will accept you just the way you are. And if she isn't up to the challenge, it's better to find out now before becoming any more involved.

P.S. If you feel that a breakup could trigger another round of depression, it is important that you talk to a psychotherapist NOW. The abuse you suffered in childhood may have left emotional scars as lasting as the physical ones, but with therapy you may be able to heal.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how to react to something a friend of mine recently told me. We have known "Lois" and her husband for more than 30 years. They no longer live in this city, but visit occasionally. When they do, we always invite them to stay in our home.

On their last visit, Lois was talking about her only child, "Deidre," whom I have always liked. Lois, out of the blue, began chuckling and then told me that Deidre does a good imitation of me. Lois sat there giggling for a few minutes, then said that Deidre sounded almost as much like me as I do. I made no comment.

Frankly, I was taken aback that someone would do an imitation of me. I got the impression that Deidre has been doing my "act" for a while, and I found it disturbing. My husband says it's a form of flattery, but I think it's demeaning. I also think impersonating someone for the amusement of others -- especially if the person is not around -- is rude. What do you think? -- JOKE'S ON ME IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR J.O.M.: I think you should have asked your friend Lois to clarify her remark at the time she made it. But because you didn't, bring it up the next time you talk to her and let her explain what was so funny.

Personally, I think such imitations are often a form of ridicule and are unkind.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old, happily married girl, but I have a problem. My 15-year-old cousin "Rayleen" likes my husband. She calls his cell phone at all hours of the night, and last week she sent him a letter telling him that I was cheating on him (a lie!) and that when he decides to get a divorce from me, if he wants a "real woman" to give her a call.

Rayleen has always had a thing for older men, but this time she has just gone too far. I know my husband loves me and would never believe her, but I'm not sure how to tell my cousin to stop. I don't want to be mean, but she can't have him. -- FURIOUS IN ALABAMA

DEAR FURIOUS: It appears that no one ever taught your hormonal cousin that there are boundaries that should not be crossed. You should not be the person telling Rayleen to cool off and face reality. That message should come from your husband, as he tells her to stop calling and stop writing nasty letters because he already has a real woman -- his wife.

P.S. And the letter should be turned over to Rayleen's mother because right now your cousin needs some parenting a lot worse than she needs a man.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old guy who, due to money problems, credit card bills and student loans, recently moved back with my parents. Before I moved in they made me agree to a written contract that included no drinking, no smoking of any kind, a midnight curfew, getting a job and stating that once I move out I can't move back in again.

I get what they're trying to do, but I feel like they are treating me like a child. I only agreed to the terms because I was desperate.

I have abided by all the rules, but they still are suspicious of me breaking the contract after five months under their roof. I want to move out, but I am still unable to do so. What can I do to make this situation better? -- DESPERATE IN ARIZONA

DEAR DESPERATE: Your parents may have insisted on the stipulations of the contract because of something that happened before you first moved out on your own. Because they feel strongly about drinking, smoking and the curfew, the best advice I can offer is to obey the rules, avoid arguments and save your money until you can earn enough to become independent again.

DEAR ABBY: With the economic problems so many people are having, I thought I'd share a holiday gift suggestion with you.

Years ago, I realized my nephew was receiving more toys than he could ever enjoy, so I gave him a Christmas ornament instead. He was only 5 or 6 at the time, so I'm not sure he really appreciated it then. However, as more nieces and nephews came along, I continued the tradition of giving them ornaments.

They all grew to treasure their personal ornaments and took great delight in having something of their own to hang on the tree each year. -- DAVID S. IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR DAVID S.: Thank you for sharing a wonderful idea. I'm sure that now your nieces and nephews are grown, hanging those ornaments on their own trees has special significance.

I knew a woman years ago who used to craft gorgeous Christmas tree ornaments using Styrofoam balls decorated with ribbons, sequins and beads. They were special not only because of the love and work she put into them, but also because they were entirely unique.

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