DEAR ABBY: Once a month, a trade representative I'll call "Bob" visits our office and flirts with me. I try to keep him at a distance, but he always tries to move close to me and changes his voice to be soft and seductive. Last month he told me I "smelled good," although I wasn't wearing anything fragrant. I assured him it was the eucalyptus incense behind him.

Abby, Bob comes on so strong it scares me. I had my chair backed up all the way against my computer desk. I decided that the next time he came in I would make sure I had a co-worker close by. But when I did, he didn't act the same way. I have a feeling he won't act up again until we're alone.

I loathe the idea of being alone with him in a room. I hesitate to ask a male co-worker to step in because I don't want to appear weak. What should I do to get Bob to back off? -- HAD IT IN BEAUFORT, S.C.

DEAR HAD IT: If you haven't already done so, document what has gone on each time Bob has come into your office. Frankly, he sounds more than a little bit creepy.

When he comes on to you again, tell him directly and clearly (and loudly) that he is making you uncomfortable, and if he doesn't stop immediately, you will report him to your boss. And if he tries anything again, follow through.

It is your boss's responsibility to provide you with a harassment-free work environment, and if that doesn't happen, your state labor board or the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission should be notified.

DEAR ABBY: One of my longtime friends, "Lena," sends e-mail constantly telling me to "check out the baby Web page." She's a grandmother and I can't seem to engage her in any other topic of conversation anymore. There is rarely any news from her except baby news.

I no longer open her e-mails because I know they will be only one more mass generic urging to check the latest baby update on the Web site. Lena is now on grandchild No. 2, so this has been going on for three years.

I'm ready to drift away from our friendship because we no longer communicate and I feel she's stuck in "babyland." Any advice? -- OVERLOADED IN GEORGIA

DEAR OVERLOADED: Level with Lena. Ask her to remove you from her mass e-mail list and to e-mail you only if she has a personal message to convey. When you talk with her, ask about common interests that have nothing to do with her grandchild, although you should expect to listen to some news about her major preoccupation.

If this is still more than you can tolerate, remember that friendships can have a life of their own and vary in intensity over time. You may become closer again a few years down the line when she's less preoccupied with the little ones. Because you have a circle of friends, concentrate more on them and less on Lena for now.

DEAR ABBY: For years I have seen you print letters at holiday time that offer gift suggestions for seniors.

Last year my daughter gave me the best gift I could have gotten. She and my granddaughters completely unpacked my boxes of Christmas decorations and decorated my whole house. They even cleaned up!

I am 76, and when I walked in, I felt like I was living in a fairy tale. All I had to do was sit down and enjoy it. -- GENE IN NEW CUMBERLAND, PA.

DEAR GENE: Thank you for sharing the idea. I am often asked for gift ideas for the person who already has everything. By giving a "gift of self," as your daughter and granddaughters did, a person can never go wrong because it is always welcome.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Our best friends, "Bill and Melinda," are financially well-off. My husband and I make just enough to get by. We have been friends for a long time, are extremely close and always have a good time together.

Bill and Melinda are always inviting us to go with them on expensive trips. When we say we can't afford it, they insist on paying. Abby, we don't WANT them to pay for it! We don't want to be indebted and are afraid they'll end up holding it over our heads.

Even when they pay for airfare and lodging, it still costs us a lot in meals and "fun" money. We try to pay for everything we can so we don't feel like freeloaders. Bill and Melinda don't seem to understand the financial strain these "vacations" put on us. They even offered to buy us a membership to their country club. When we explain that we're uncomfortable with them paying for everything, they tell us they don't want to go on these trips without us and that the money is no big deal.

How can we make them understand that we appreciate their generosity but are uncomfortable accepting their charity? We love them and our friendship but fear the money issue may drive a wedge between us. -- MRS. MIDDLE CLASS

DEAR MRS. MIDDLE CLASS: While the disparity in your financial means is a sensitive issue for you, please consider this: Your friends have been blessed with financial success. But while money can buy company, it isn't the basis for true friendship. You and your husband and Bill and Melinda share a lot of history and a special relationship, and they want to share their good fortune.

So accept some of their invitations. Repay their hospitality in thoughtful ways you can afford -- a meal at your home, a cookout or a picnic. But I see no reason why you should not accept their generosity in the spirit in which it's intended.

DEAR ABBY: Whatever happened to the idea of keeping to the right? Most drivers observe this rule in their cars, but as soon as their feet hit the pavement, all memory of it vanishes. Our sidewalks, airports, grocery stores and shopping malls have become free-for-alls.

I was taught in school that keeping to the right prevents accidents. People have crashed into me with their grocery carts as I made a right turn from one aisle to the next and they are making a left turn along the left side. Then they look at me as if I'm in the wrong place.

Rules like this are designed to make life easier. It seems a growing number of people don't realize this is common courtesy or just don't care. I hope that by mentioning this in your column that it will remind people so our sidewalks, stores and malls will be safer for all who are walking.

If people will remember to stay to the right and pass on the left, they will see that these important rules of the road make all traffic move more smoothly. -- TIRED OF THE DO-SI-DO IN ATLANTA

DEAR TIRED: I'm pleased to print your reminder that there would be fewer collisions -- of every kind -- if we practiced good manners more of the time. And speaking as someone who has sashayed up my share of the center of supermarket aisles, I promise to be more careful in the future. Good manners are a manifestation of the respect and concern we have for others.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my brother, "Frank," donated a kidney to me. Of course I'm grateful and have told him so many times.

The problem? Frank talks about it every time I see him. If we attend a funeral, he will say that the person in the coffin would have been me if not for him. He will tell complete strangers in a store, "Ask her what I gave her!" He even took me to a school reunion picnic so he could show his former teachers what a wonderful person he is.

I'm glad I received the kidney. It has added quality to my life. But how can I let my brother know that while I am appreciative, I am also really tired of hearing him remind me every day? -- GRATEFUL SISTER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SISTER: You may not be able to. Your brother is proud of the fact that he was able to help you. However, if he was truly convinced that he is a good person, he wouldn't feel the need to constantly point it out to strangers, acquaintances and to you.

Tempting as it may be, resist the urge to tell him you're tiring of carrying the burden of gratitude. Continue to reinforce what a good brother he was for literally giving you the gift of self, and return the favor by continuing to pump up his fragile ego. It's a fair exchange.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a busy, full-time doctoral student and live in a large apartment complex where there are only four washing machines for tenants to use.

The last time I went to do laundry, three of the washers were filled with wet clothes. I waited a half-hour and no one came to claim the clothes, so I took the items out and put them in dryers so I could start my own loads. (I didn't have any more time to wait and three loads to do.)

Was it reasonable of me to move someone else's clothes? -- ON A SCHEDULE, AZUSA, CALIF.

DEAR ON A SCHEDULE: Rather than putting the clothes into the dryers where they would take up space, you should have placed the items on top of the dryer or on a folding table where they would be easily seen by the person who left them in the washer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for nine years, married for five. I know without a doubt that he loves me very much and would never do anything to harm our relationship, but I can't get over the fact that he has called me by his first wife's name several times. It makes me feel sad and angry when it happens.

He says he means no harm by it and points out that it has happened with other names, too, which is true. He always apologizes, but that doesn't help. Do you think he is still thinking about her after all these years, or is it an honest mistake? -- WIFE NO. 2 IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WIFE NO. 2: It's an honest mistake, and if you are smart you won't make a big deal about it or brood over it -- particularly because it has happened with other names, too. The best way to handle it is to turn it into a joke and let it go. It is in no way a reflection on you or an indication that your marriage is threatened. In fact, this kind of lapse is very common.