DEAR ABBY: I am a foreign exchange student studying in the U.S. Other exchange students and I have been debating two questions.

The first: Is it OK to buy a movie ticket and watch two or three movies? Some say "yes" because theaters tolerate it in the hope that customers will buy snacks and drinks in the process. Others say it goes against the honor system.

The second is: Is it wrong to return merchandise you never intended to buy in the first place? Example: to buy a novel and return it after reading it. My friends say bookstores expect a certain number of returns and build it into the cost of the books. As long as the book is kept in good condition, it's OK. Other friends stress, however, that this, again, is taking advantage of the honor system.

What is your opinion? -- CURIOUS STUDENT IN HOUSTON

DEAR CURIOUS: Both of the examples you have given are forms of cheating and theft. I cannot think of a single country where this kind of behavior is sanctioned. If enough customers behaved that way, it could put the business owner out of business.

And one more thing -- you and your fellow exchange students represent your countries, and what you do while you're here reflects not only on yourselves personally, but also the country that sent you.

DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys.

Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it.

DEAR ABBY: I have developed a weird habit. I'll remember something that happened in the past, think of what I should have said and then burst out loud with a remark. Other times I'll chuckle or say something like, "Oh, no!"

Sometimes my husband hears me and asks if something is wrong. How can I explain this without seeming like I'm totally losing it? Or am I? I'm only 50, and I'm afraid I'm turning into a dotty old lady. -- CRAZY? LADY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LADY: What you're doing isn't that unusual, so try to be less hard on yourself. You're not crazy, and you're no dottier than the rest of us. Explain to your husband that when you do this, it is an attempt to "repair" the past.

P.S. If you train yourself to stay in the moment rather than dwelling on things in the past, you will find yourself talking to yourself less often.

DEAR ABBY: Now that the year-end holidays are here, I find myself once again in the sometimes difficult position of having to explain to acquaintances and co-workers why I don't celebrate them.

I am single. My parents died many years ago, and I have no family. My only surviving sibling and his wife are both alcoholics who drink to excess over the holidays and cause tension in their family. I have attended Al-Anon meetings, and because I refused to look the other way while they were drinking, I was cut off.

Co-workers take time off at Christmas, but I take mine at other times of the year. Over time, I have found that I would rather spend a so-called holiday catching up on correspondence, taking a walk, reading a good book or sewing. Outside of work or professional organizations, I do not do anything about the year-end holidays. I understand the religious and historical significance of these celebrations and keep them in my heart, but do not observe them in a visible manner. This is my choice.

When people ask me what I'm doing for the holidays, it is an awkward moment. How can I gracefully explain that I choose to keep the holidays in my heart only and enjoy the day as a small vacation for myself? -- LONG BEACH LONER

DEAR LONER: You need no advice from me. Your last sentence expresses your sentiments beautifully.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 6 feet 2 inches, weigh 240 pounds and can bench-press 400 pounds. I practice martial arts and shoot firearms for recreation and competition on weekends. I generally keep my social life to myself unless I am specifically asked because people have made jokes at my expense in the past.

I have worked for the same company for 10 years, and have not only mastered every aspect of my job but also trained most of my co-workers and their supervisors.

Recently, a supervisor's position opened up, and many thought I was going to get it. A friend was hired instead. He apologized to me, then told me about things that had been said about me behind my back. Apparently, I'll never become a supervisor because "people don't respect me; they fear me." Also, they are "afraid I'll lose it and kill everyone."

I have no idea what to say or do with this information. I can't change who I am, and I can't change the way others see me after all this time. What would you suggest I do to get myself promoted? -- GENTLE GIANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR GENTLE GIANT: It is important that you find out whether what your friend told you is true. While your physique may be imposing, after 10 years at the company your co-workers should be familiar enough with your temperament to know that you do not pose a threat of "losing it."

Ask your employer why you were passed up for the promotion and if it's true that you have advanced as far as you can with the company. If the answer is yes, then you should look for a job with more opportunity for advancement elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just found out that his daughter and her boyfriend duped everyone -- including us -- with a formal, traditional wedding ceremony, but the "marriage" is not legal. They had no intention of being legally wed, but felt that because they are having a baby, they were entitled to a formal wedding.

We paid a large amount of money to attend this wedding, Abby, including gifts and a bridal shower. When confronted, they showed no remorse for their deception. In fact, they are extremely arrogant about it. They say it's their personal business and consider themselves "married in the eyes of God."

I am furious over this scam, which affects more than 100 family members and friends. Please advise. -- DECEIVED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DECEIVED: Usually when couples are married in a "formal, traditional" wedding ceremony, the clergyperson or other officiant asks the couple -- and their witnesses -- to sign a marriage certificate. How could this not have happened?

"Marriages in the eyes of God" usually involve special circumstances such as seniors who are in danger of losing pension benefits if they marry in a civil ceremony. I don't blame you for being furious at the deception, which was nothing more than a gift grab. And, embarrassing as it may be, you should inform the others who were also "taken" -- better they hear it from you than think you were part of the deception.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I share a joint checking account with both checks and debit cards. When she makes purchases or writes checks, she doesn't record her purchases in the check ledger that we keep at the home computer.

I am the one who does the family finances, and if I don't check the activity online daily, it comes as a big surprise to me when her checks are cashed by the payee, sometimes weeks later.

When I confront her about recording her purchases, she turns it around and gets mad at me. It's extremely frustrating. I'm trying hard to avoid bounced checks and insufficient funds fees, but I can't do it alone. I need her help, and she won't listen. How can I get her to cooperate? – FRUSTRATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your wife's behavior is childish and irresponsible. If she can't remember to enter her checks into her check register or your ledger, then she should save her receipts and give them to you on a regular basis.

It is well-known that arguments about money and finances frequently cause marriages to fail. If your wife won't listen to you, perhaps she will listen to a marriage counselor and/or financial adviser. And if that doesn't do the trick, close the joint account and have her open one of her own so she can experience firsthand the pain of paying penalty fees.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a very special skill that is creating a problem with our friends. He can repair almost any electronic device and has done so for our friends on numerous occasions. However, it has reached the point that now they expect him to fix their devices and offer no thanks -- monetary or otherwise. How can we get the point across that his time is valuable and should be respected as such? -- HANDYMAN'S WIFE, NEWPORT, ORE.

DEAR HANDYMAN'S WIFE: Your husband should tell these people -- with a smile -- that he does not have the time to fix the item and that it should be taken to a professional repair shop or to the store from which it was purchased.