DEAR ABBY: My first serious relationship lasted a year and ended more than eight years ago. "Stacy" was terrific, but we were very different, and our relationship came to an amicable end.

Several months later, I heard that Stacy had begun dating a close friend of mine, "Alex," soon after our breakup. Needless to say, I was devastated. Alex's betrayal was as painful or more so than that of Stacy. I broke off all contact with them in an attempt to salvage my dignity. I haven't spoken to either one since.

All these years later, I am happily married to a wonderful woman. I hear through the grapevine occasionally that Stacy and Alex are still together. Whenever I do, I feel unaccountably upset. It's not that I'm pining for an old flame, because I wouldn't trade my wife for any woman on Earth. I have thought a lot about it and believe I am clinging to the naive belief -- or hope -- that people who do unkind, deceitful things always come to regret it in the end.

I am grappling with the guilt of wishing unhappiness for two people who are obviously happy together. I can't help it, but I know I'd be glad if I learned they'd broken up. I am confused and embarrassed about why I even still care. Your thoughts, please? -- LACKING CLOSURE IN SAN JOSE

DEAR LACKING CLOSURE: Frankly, after reading your letter, I am a little confused, too. You say your relationship with Stacy came to an "amicable" end because you were very different. And yet, you view the idea that a friend could be interested in her as a "betrayal," "unkind, deceitful" and an assault on your dignity. It appears that after all this time, you still have not grown up.

That a happily married adult would spend his time looking back eight years to a relationship that came to an "amicable" end, and harbor the feelings that you do, is a petty waste of time. What did you expect the girl to do? Enter a convent? Stamp "taboo" on her forehead?

You say you believe in and hope for the concept of karma. Be careful what you wish for because it can rebound and affect what happens to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old woman who gained some weight after I recently quit smoking. Now my co-workers and people I hardly know keep asking me if I'm pregnant.

All the weight I've gained is in my stomach. I do look pregnant. (I have two daughters, so obviously, I have seen myself in that state.)

How should I respond to these people without coming off as mean and angry? -- UN-EXPECTING IN SCHENECTADY

DEAR UN-EXPECTING: Sometimes the best way to put thoughtless people in their place is to simply tell them the truth. In your case, smile and say, "I'm NOT pregnant." I'll bet the responses you get to that statement will be interesting.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree on many things, one of which I think you can help us with. When an appointment or event is changed to a later date or time, what is the correct term? My husband says the time has been "pushed back," and I say it has been "pushed ahead." Nothing is riding on this except maybe bragging rights! What do you say? -- M.W. IN NEW WINDSOR, N.Y.

DEAR M.W.: I say it has been "postponed."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 15 years to the sweetest man in the world. We love each other, we like each other, and I feel truly fortunate.

I was recently involved in a conversation with some co-workers who were discussing marriage, and they asked me what I would do if my husband left me. I told them I trust my husband completely, and I know he would never leave me.

I was then informed that I am living in a fairy tale! The rest of the conversation was spent trying to convince me that my husband will eventually leave me, even though none of these people has ever met him. He has never cheated on me. I tried to explain that there are still some decent men in the world, but they refused to accept it.

Abby, I prefer not to live my life looking for negative things because I believe it taints relationships. I believe that if I continue to view my marriage as blessed and wonderful, it will be. Why can't people allow others to be happy? What prevents these people from seeing good instead of bad and, more important, why can't they see that there are couples in good marriages who are committed to making them work? -- HAPPILY MARRIED IN CORPUS CHRISTI

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: Have you never heard the expression "misery loves company"? Some people are so dysfunctional that the only way they can make themselves feel better is to make others feel worse. When they see a happily married couple, it reminds them that in some way they failed or chose someone who failed them.

You have a healthy, optimistic attitude and a successful marriage. Please do not allow your co-workers to continue to spread their negativity, or sooner or later it may affect you. Avoid them, live your life, continue to appreciate what you have, and let them wallow in their suspicion and discontent.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I host Christmas at our home. We have always served the meals buffet-style. Please tell me how to address the problem of relatives who move down the serving line constantly licking their fingers and then touching the utensils of all the other dishes. This may not be a concern to everyone, but to us it is unsanitary and unappetizing.

While we're on the subject, whatever happened to people washing their hands before they eat? Please hurry with your answer. The holidays are almost here, and I need a solution. -- PICKY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PICKY: While it's advisable for people to wash their hands before eating, not everyone does -- and unless you want to assume the role of "Mommy" and pass out anti-bacterial hand wipes as people get in line, you may have to accept that some of your guests won't do it.

As to how to handle the "contaminated" utensils, consider serving the food cafeteria-style, with you and your spouse doling it out to each of your guests. This should eliminate the "ick" factor.

DEAR ABBY: I know this issue has been addressed before in your column, but now it has happened to me. My adult son died a year ago. It was very sudden. I try not to constantly talk about him, but when I meet people for the first time and I am asked if I have children, how should I respond? I have one other child, an adult daughter. -- WONDERING IN OHIO

DEAR WONDERING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your son. When someone asks if you have children, it is perfectly acceptable to tell the questioner that you have two -- a daughter and a son in heaven.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I consider myself to be a nice, normal person. I know how to make interesting, intelligent conversation that can engage just about anyone. When I go out socially, I often meet people and we hit it off.

Typically, by the end of the conversation, there comes a point where it is decided -- usually by the other person -- that we exchange information, which includes phone numbers and e-mail addresses. I generally wait a few days before calling, or until an occasion arises to invite the person to participate with me.

When I call or e-mail, I always leave a message, but I almost never get a response back. Sometimes I wait to see if the person I just met calls me first, but it never happens.

Do people just pretend to be interested in me, or am I fooling myself? Or are they just too busy to make the effort to have another friend? I don't understand it. Am I missing something? -- BLOWN OFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR BLOWN OFF: What you have described happens frequently -- usually when someone wants to end a conversation on a positive note. The failure to follow through can be for a variety of reasons -- busy schedule, lack of interest, met someone else, changed their mind.

But if this is happening more than 90 percent of the time, it's time to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you come on too strong, or keep the people you meet involved in "interesting, intelligent conversation" so long they feel the need to get away. My advice is to ask someone you trust whether this could be a possibility.

DEAR ABBY: Is there such a thing as a "quarter life" crisis? Ever since I completed my undergraduate degree, I feel like I have lost something great and can't seem to find my way. My professors were the only family I had.

I have moved to a new school and started a new job, and I feel extremely unsure about what I'm doing. I feel lost without the support of my professors. How do people make it through this transition without the assistance of family and friends? Is this normal, or am I the only one who feels this way? -- SEARCHING FOR MY PATH

DEAR SEARCHING: Your feelings are normal. You are a fledgling who has left a protective nest. You are now learning to fly on your own power.

Join some of the clubs at your new school, and spend some time getting to know your co-workers. New relationships take time to cultivate, but in a few months you will feel more at home in your new surroundings.

DEAR ABBY: Is there something wrong with the fact that I don't like to entertain? I don't even like having people over at my house. My husband likes to barbecue and invite others to come over. Am I wrong -- or am I a snob? -- ENOUGH ON MY PLATE

DEAR ENOUGH: Neither one. You may be socially recessive or an introvert. But because you married someone who is an extrovert, you will have to learn to compromise. If this is too difficult for you, please consider counseling to help you work through your social anxieties.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)