DEAR ABBY: "Silent Supporter, Benson, N.C." (Aug. 26) cannot say the Pledge of Allegiance because of religious reasons. I support his or her right not to participate. However, I disagree with "Silent's" interpretation that standing is participating.

I work overseas in a U.S. Department of Defense school attended by students from 13 NATO countries. Every morning, the Pledge is recited and the non-American students stand respectfully. By standing, they are not pledging their own allegiance but behaving appropriately while those who choose to participate do so.

I do not believe that standing during the Pledge, or a similar pledge in any other country, implies consent or support. Standing quietly and allowing others to participate shows respect for the citizens, nation and our right to believe as we choose. Remaining seated is, in my opinion, disrespectful on many levels. -- MAUREEN IN MONS, BELGIUM

DEAR MAUREEN: Your point is well-taken, and interestingly enough, many readers agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I think "Silent Supporter" may be confusing the Pledge of Allegiance with the singing of the National Anthem at sporting events. Standing is a sign of respect, not one of commitment. If sitting causes others to react unfavorably, simply show up a few minutes after kickoff or the first pitch. That way, no one will have any problems with you and your beliefs. -- LET'S PLAY BALL IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I am a Quaker. We also find oaths, including the Pledge of Allegiance, contrary to our Quaker faith and practice. However, we still stand silently, considering it to be politeness, not participation. -- TOM IN REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: On Flag Day, June 14, 1943, right in the middle of the greatest patriotic war in history, the U.S. Supreme Court passed a resolution, which is still in effect today, that no man, woman or child shall be required to stand for or salute the flag of this country, or to stand for the singing of the National Anthem. Anyone who berates another for not standing or participating in either is denying that person his legal rights as given by the U.S. Supreme Court. Therefore aliens, visitors, religious believers and dutiful citizens have the right to stand, salute and sing -- or NOT. -- NATIVE AMERICAN CITIZEN AND WWII VETERAN

DEAR ABBY: Remember the saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"? A person who does not stand draws the attention and the ire of the crowd. Far better to arrive after the ceremony and avoid a scene. -- QUIET BYSTANDER IN N.C.

DEAR ABBY: As an educator, I teach all of my students to stand for the Pledge, whether they participate or not. If they are entering a room or a stadium, they should stop walking and remain still as a sign of respect.

I am not a person unto myself but a part of a larger community. "Respect" should cross all boundaries that divide us. Whether one chooses to be respectful or not should not even be questioned. Having said that, however, those who taunted "Silent" should remember that respect goes both ways. -- BEV IN STEILACOOM, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I moved to a small town a few years ago to take a job in a very public position. This is a place where everyone knows everyone else's business, so I try hard to maintain a good reputation.

About a year ago, a childhood friend, "Lindsay," came to visit. She loved the town so much she decided to move here and be my roommate.

At first I was excited at the prospect, but my enthusiasm has waned since finding out that Lindsay is very promiscuous. Since January she has had sex with seven men, sometimes dating more than one at a time.

I worry about her because this behavior is unhealthy. I also worry that associating with her could damage my reputation, not to mention my uneasiness about waking up and finding strange men in my apartment -- some of whom she met only the night before. I think she is compromising both of our safety.

How can I handle this tactfully? Lindsay is an adult; I don't feel I can tell her how to live her personal life. Should I ask her to move out? Aside from this problem, she is an excellent roommate. -- NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL

DEAR NOT THAT KIND: Your letter brings to mind several old sayings. One: People are known by the company they keep. Two: Birds of a feather flock together. Three: People who lie down with dogs usually get up with fleas.

Do not try to tell Lindsay how to live her life. DO remind her that she is now living in a small town where tongues wag. Then explain that although you like her very much, your lifestyles are not compatible and you would like her to move. Your concerns about waking up to find strangers in your apartment are valid, and your choice of roommates is a reflection on you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Justin," and I were in a four-year committed relationship. We agreed to wait on marriage and children. I never really wanted children, but if Justin wanted one, I would have his baby. He is 29, and I am 42.

Last summer I was shocked to learn that Justin and his best friend, "Beth," had had a baby girl together through in vitro. They plan to raise the child together. I still wanted to save our relationship, so I accepted his new life and tried to deal with it.

A month after that, Justin informed me that he is gay! I am devastated. We still love each other, and he wants to continue his relationship with me.

Justin does not have a man in his life -- just the baby and Beth, who live with him. He has no romantic interest in her. I am so sad without him. Should I stay in this relationship? -- CONFUSED AND HEARTBROKEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFUSED: Whatever Justin's true sexual orientation may be, he has not been honest with you from the beginning. Please do not accept his word for it that Beth is only a friend, that their child was not conceived the old-fashioned way, or that he is gay.

My advice is to cut your losses NOW. This man has a child and a live-in who will take priority over you. Accept that if Justin cared at all about your feelings, you would have been told about the baby long before its birth. So end this charade and spare yourself even more grief.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved to the South and enrolled our son in a private Christian school. Many times when meeting other parents I am asked, "What service do you attend?" The truth is, my husband and I are not particularly religious, and we don't attend church.

How should I respond without feeling like a bad person or a bad parent? -- MEMBER OF NO CHURCH, IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NON-MEMBER: You live in a free country, not a theocracy. If you are not particularly religious, nothing compels you to go to church.

My advice is to be frank and say you are not affiliated with a church, and that you enrolled your son in that school because you felt he would receive a good education there. It's the truth, and it doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I received an invitation from a family member to attend their daughter "Heidi's" wedding on Father's Day weekend. We canceled our existing plans in order to attend, and gave "Heidi and Dave" an appropriate gift. As the ceremony progressed, the minister asked, "Do you, Steve, take Heidi" ... at which point the guests began whispering to themselves, "STEVE?"

We were embarrassed, thinking we had made a horrible mistake in addressing the gift card -- and we weren't the only ones. Finally, after much discussion among the guests, someone approached the bride's mother to ask if we had made a mistake. "Oh, no," she replied. "Dave backed out two weeks ago. Heidi asked Steve if he would marry her, and he said he wasn't doing anything else this weekend, so why not?"

I was flabbergasted. Predictably, in less than three weeks, this sham of a marriage was over. Heidi, of course, retained all the gifts.

My wife says it's no big deal. I say the bride's parents should have called the guests and explained the circumstances so they could make an informed decision about attending. I was also raised to believe that in cases such as this, where the commitment to marriage was so obviously missing, that the gifts should be returned. Am I wrong? This has caused a rift in the family. -- JILTED GUEST

DEAR GUEST: It appears that Heidi and her parents became so involved in the details of the "production" that they forgot the real meaning of the wedding celebration -- the joining of two people together in a lifetime commitment to each other. Frankly, I am shocked and disappointed that a minister would go along with such a farce, much less "bless" it. (Could the clergyman also have been a stand-in for the real thing?)

Yes, the wedding should have been called off when the groom backed out. Yes, the guests should have been notified. Yes, any unopened or unused gifts should have been promptly returned. And no, you're not wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I'm looking for a socially acceptable alternative to mailing out 150 Christmas cards to all my husband's co-workers. He is a VP at the company.

I thought about making up a large platter of home-baked cookies and a platter of cheese, crackers and fruit. I would like him to bring them to work and put them in the kitchen with a note that says, "Happy Holidays from (us). This would be in lieu of Christmas cards ... Enjoy!"

I think it's a good idea, but my husband doesn't agree. What do you think? -- CHRISTMAS ELF, FOGELSVILLE, PA.

DEAR CHRISTMAS ELF: I think signing and addressing the cards might be less time-consuming. If you allow two to three cookies per person, you will be baking for days. Are you sure you know what you would be letting yourself in for?

Also, I don't know the "culture" at your husband's company and whether they are open to change. If I were you, I'd follow my husband's lead even though it is a chore. Perhaps he should address half of them.