DEAR ABBY: I am 19, female, smart, responsible and friendly. I also have a terrible fear of driving. I have read driving manuals, but I'm scared to be in control of a big vehicle with so many other vehicles on the road.

I always found an excuse not to sign up for driver's ed in high school, and have refused countless offers from friends and family to teach me. My response was always, "No, I'm not ready."

All my younger relatives have driver's licenses, and I do feel I am missing out on things. How do I overcome this fear? Do I just say yes to my friends or family when they offer again? Please tell me what to do. -- NON-DRIVER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR NON-DRIVER: Having the fear of driving that you do, you should not get behind the wheel of a car until you have first consulted a professional counselor who specializes in helping people with phobias. My concern is that you might overreact out of fear and cause an accident.

Once you have mastered your fear, then who should teach you is up to you. However, I am recommending you learn from a professional driving instructor. It will be safer for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to have a relationship with my granddaughter, "Zoe," who is 10. My son refuses to have anything to do with her. He was 16 when he got his girlfriend pregnant. He is now 26 and married, with a 9-month-old child. His wife won't have any part of his little girl.

Should I step in and be a grandmother, even if my son and daughter-in-law may never talk to me again? Zoe doesn't even know her father. Why can't I give her the love she deserves? She's the innocent one. Am I wrong? -- YEARNING TO KNOW HER IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR YEARNING TO KNOW HER: No, you are right. You can give Zoe the love and attention she deserves if you refuse to allow your son and daughter-in-law to blackmail you. I'm sure the girl would appreciate knowing that someone from her father's side of the family thinks she's worth getting to know.

It's shameful that your son blames her for an incident that he'd rather forget, and frankly, it reflects poorly on him. However, while you can't control his behavior, you can control the way you react to it. Do what you think is right.

DEAR ABBY: Please say something to the clueless herd who have never been taught not to ask personal questions.

I have been asked everything -- my age, weight, height, income, religion and what I paid for everything I own. I was once even asked if I had ever had serious marital problems.

Are people not taught common manners anymore? Everyone who asked me was well over 21 and should have known better. Please tell people how ignorant they sound, and how dumbfounded polite people can be when this situation comes up.

Oh! And while you're at it, please tell them to keep the details of their sex lives to themselves. -- HORRIFIED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HORRIFIED: To get to the heart of your letter -- your question about whether people are taught common manners anymore -- the answer, sadly, is no, very often they are not.

For anyone who is not aware, the questions listed in paragraph two of "Horrified's" letter are all off-limits as being overly personal. And unless someone is confiding in a trusted friend, to describe the details of one's sex life can be extremely embarrassing to the listener.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married eight years. Six months before we met, he had a one-night stand with his brother's girlfriend -- now his brother's wife. His brother was present and involved, if you know what I mean. I am no saint by any means, but this is information I wish he had never told me because now I can't stand the sight of either of them.

My husband has never cheated on me or asked me to have a threesome or anything like that. He worships the ground I walk on and is the perfect mate, very sensitive about my feelings. He has told me he wishes it had never happened, and he feels ashamed.

We live in a small town. I see his brother and his wife all the time and, of course, at all the family gatherings. I have to get over this somehow. I know it's in the past and it was before me, but I get so upset every time I see either one of them that I just want to go off. Please help me. -- NOT OVER IT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NOT OVER IT: No one can blame you for finding these people repulsive, and what happened so long ago was no one's brightest moment -- including your husband's. However, because you must have regular contact with them, I do have a suggestion for you. Forgive them. If you do, it will cause less wear and tear on your soul than what you have been putting yourself through.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with jealousy. I lash out at my boyfriend over minor things, like not coming home within an hour or so of when he says he will, not giving me the passwords to his e-mail accounts, etc.

Is this a real problem I should get help for? He hasn't given me any reason to think he would be unfaithful. I just have these uncontrollable urges. It's tearing apart our relationship, and I don't know how to overcome these feelings. Any help would be so appreciated. -- GREEN-EYED MONSTER IN TEXAS

DEAR GREEN-EYED: Your problem isn't jealousy, it is insecurity, and if it's destroying your relationship, then you must figure out the reason for it. If you really need to check your boyfriend's e-mail and have him account for every moment he is away from you, something is wrong with the romance and its days are numbered. Because he has given you no reason to think he has been unfaithful, you are right to start looking in the mirror for the source of the problem. Some sessions with a psychologist will help you get to the bottom of it. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is being married for the first time at the age of 69. His fiancee is 69, and it's also her first marriage.

They have been dating each other since the early '80s and maintained separate residences until seven years ago, when they moved in together. What kind of gift do I get them for their wedding? -- PERPLEXED IN POMONA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Ask the happy couple where they are registered for wedding gifts. But don't be surprised if they tell you that all they want are your blessings and good wishes, and that your presence at their nuptials is the only "present" for which they are asking.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Future Skin Artist, Port Huron, Mich." (Aug. 7), the 18-year-old male who wants to be a tattoo and piercing artist and who sports 20 piercings and a tattoo. He was complaining about the stares and cruel remarks he got from people.

I am a devoted 33-year-old mom of an 8-year-old son. I have a degree in computer forensics, a successful career, 34 piercings and 20 tattoos.

I started by getting my tongue and eyebrow pierced when I was 18. I have had to deal with all the same issues, and it used to frustrate me. Over the years, I have learned a few things about dealing with people.

Most people are not trying to be rude or offensive -- they're just curious. It is essential to not be rude to them, but to smile and answer, "Of course it hurt, but it's not so bad."

I worked with a lady who was shocked when she saw me with my jewelry in. She said she could not believe that a nice person like me could have "those ugly things that criminals wear." After a discussion, she told me that she realized her stereotypes were wrong and would never judge a person that way again. It was one of the proudest days of my life. -- GINGER IN MARYLAND

DEAR GINGER: Thank you for your input. I was impressed by the upbeat nature of the responses to that young man's letter. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: To the 18-year-old aspiring piercer/tattoo artist in Port Huron: If this is your future career, don't you realize that YOU are the best advertising you can get for your future business? You can't pay for the type of promotion you can give yourself.

If you really are as "nice" and "respectable" a human being as you say you are, answer people's questions with a smile and hand them your business card. Start a Web site and explain why you want to be a body modification artist. Keep people updated on how far along you are on your project.

You are in charge of how you will be perceived. Leave folks with a good impression and become the best tattoo artist in the Thumb! (That's a part of Michigan, for you outsiders.) -- MICHIGAN RICK IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: Advising "Future Skin Artist" to move to Los Angeles was highly impractical. There is an overabundance of piercing/tattoo artists in California, particularly in L.A. He would be far better off to find a well-known, respected person in the field and approach that individual about an apprenticeship to learn the craft. -- PROUD PAINTED LADY IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: Tell that guy to move to Pittsburgh. In my neighborhood, piercings, body art and fluorescent hair are as common as business people in suits. He wouldn't get a second glance here. Plus, Pittsburgh's a heck of a lot closer to his hometown than L.A. -- TATTOOED BANKER

DEAR ABBY: When people gawk or ask questions, he should respond, "We must all suffer for our art." -- MOM WHO UNDERSTANDS

DEAR ABBY: Congratulations to "Future Skin Artist." You have a passion and know what you want to do in life. Some 40-year-olds still have no clue what they want to be when they grow up.

You'll hear comments about your appearance all your life. When someone asks about a piercing or tat, offer them your business card. You are a walking billboard. I wish you the best of luck! -- MIDWEST MARY

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)