DEAR ABBY: After 12 years on the West Coast, my husband and I moved back East last year with our 3-year-old son, "Adam." My parents, my husband's mom and our siblings live here, and we wanted Adam to know his family.

The problem is, our son has taken to everyone except my mother. He'll hug and kiss everyone but her. He kisses the others in front of her, but crosses his arms over his chest and says, "No!" or runs away if he's asked to kiss her.

At first, Mom said it was OK because Adam needed time to adjust to her. But it has been a year, and he has barely given her two pecks. She says Adam doesn't like her. But he plays with her and has fun with her. Mom is now hinting that I need to teach him to "respect" her. She has referred to him as a "little brat" to others (in front of me) when he refused to be affectionate. I think she's being childish.

I can't force my son to be affectionate with Grandma, and if I continue to press it, he may never be. What can I do to make Mom feel better? –- ADAM'S MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: The subject of showing affection to Granny should be dropped. The harder you push your son, the more resistant he will become. Nor should your child be told to kiss anyone else. ("Kiss Auntie Abby! Kiss Uncle Walter!") Yech.

You say Adam enjoys playing and having fun with his grandmother. Has it occurred to you that he has turned his refusal to demonstrate affection to her into another game? Don't push. Let it happen. And please tell your mother not to let a 3-year-old ruin her day. He may be acting like a brat, but she's the grown-up, and she should be able to rise above it.

DEAR ABBY: I have fallen in love with "Chris," an amazingly thoughtful, supportive, caring man. We have been dating for seven months. We have many values and interests in common, such as religion, social justice and the great outdoors. However, Chris is visually impaired.

Chris can't drive and has trouble reading regular type or street signs. My parents, whose opinion I respect, are against the relationship because of Chris' genetic disability and his race.

Should I continue this relationship? I know real love is a rare gift, yet I worry that I may be setting myself up for problems in the future. I'm afraid I may end up resenting Chris for what he can't do, and my parents for not accepting him. I would greatly appreciate some advice. Should love be blind? –- INDECISIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR INDECISIVE: Although love is often blind, couples are better off if they go into relationships with their eyes wide open.

People with disabilities often have abilities that enable them to contribute meaningfully to the community, as well as to their families. Do they have obstacles? Certainly. Can they be accommodated? Usually.

You have serious decisions to make about your future. Your parents' unwillingness to accept Chris because of his race will cause a serious rift if you proceed. Is your love for him strong enough to marry him anyway? If the answer is yes, then you and Chris should consult a geneticist to see what the odds are of your children inheriting his disability should you decide to have any.

You are asking all the right questions. However, some of the answers will have to come from within.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please print this as a warning to other teenagers.

A couple from church asked me to baby-sit their three kids from 7:30 until 11 p.m. last weekend. My problems began when they didn't pick me up until 9.

When they didn't return at the time they had promised, I began to worry. When they finally showed up at 1 a.m., they dropped a measly $6 in my hand. Then the husband drove me home. He reeked of booze and swerved all over the road. It was the most terrifying ride of my life. I was shaking all over by the time we arrived.

The next day my dad called the police and told them the man had driven me home drunk. They said that if he had called the previous night, they'd have gone over and taken a Breathalyzer test, but they could do nothing after the fact.

My mom then called the woman, who swore her husband hadn't been drunk. When Mom asked her for my going rate ($3 an hour, plus double time after midnight, which would have been $15 or $19.50, if you count the time I was booked for), the woman hung up on her.

Some important lessons I learned that night:

1. Agree on the wage beforehand.

2. If the driver appears drunk (or stoned), call your parent, a friend or a taxi even if it costs you your wages to get home. NEVER get into a car with someone you think is impaired just to be polite.

3. Don't automatically trust someone because you go to the same church. Always get references and baby-sit only for people you know well. -- WISER NOW IN CANADA

DEAR WISER NOW: That's excellent advice, and I hope my younger readers will take it to heart. Watching children is a heavy responsibility that requires maturity and judgment. It should be planned so that it's fun, fair and safe for everyone concerned.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old brother, "Josh," is obese. He spends more than four hours a day playing video games or watching TV. He doesn't worry about what he eats and has low self-esteem.

I am active, and I changed my eating and exercise habits not only to benefit my health but also to be a role model for my younger siblings. When I offer to do fun activities with Josh -– like playing football, basketball or taking our dog for a walk around the block -- he tells me to go away and quit talking to him.

My parents say it isn't my problem and I should worry about my own life. Abby, I don't ever tell Josh he is heavy. I never tease him, and I don't nag him. I know it isn't my problem, but my parents don't give my brother any motivation, discipline or limit his TV time.

I want my brother to be happy. I don't want him to suffer. What should I do to help him? I have told him –- and my parents –- how I feel, but they don't seem to care. –- HEALTHIER SIS IN HONOLULU

DEAR SIS: Part of the problem you're having getting through to your brother may be because you are so close to him, his tuning you out is reflexive. A better solution might be to talk to someone at his school about your concerns -- a counselor or the school nurse.

It's not unheard of for a child who spends four hours a day alone, watching TV, playing video games and seeking comfort in food to have issues that go beyond the physical. Perhaps, if someone from the school talks to your parents, they might become more proactive in helping their son.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Jill," and I are going through a divorce. I lied to her about money, spent money we didn't have and generally put her and my kids in danger of losing everything. I am doing everything I can to be accountable, but since we separated six weeks ago, Jill has slept with at least one person and is developing a "friendship" with my sister's husband. (I'll call him "Jack.")

I understand that this isn't my business, but Jack is spending more time with my children (ages 1 and 3) than I can because I'm working two jobs.

I told him he's not welcome at my wife's house as I pay the rent. I said the same thing to Jill, and they agreed that it's not a good idea for him to be there. It's still happening, though, and I'm very hurt by it and nearing the end of my capacity to deal with it.

My sister's marriage is destroyed. My marriage is over. While my sister and I do our best to cope, Jack and Jill are having the time of their lives playing house while I pay for it. My relationship with my children is being undermined, and I don't know what to do. -– BESIDE MYSELF IN NORFOLK

DEAR BESIDE YOURSELF: I understand your frustration, but your ability to dictate who comes to the house and spends time with your wife -– and by extension, your children -– ended when you moved out. For your own sake, I strongly recommend you schedule a meeting with the legal counsel who is representing you in your divorce and set up a regular schedule of visitation with your children. But the sooner you understand that you can't stop Jill from entertaining whomever she pleases in her dwelling, the better off you will be.

P.S. Your sister also has my sympathy, but what's going on now should be a clue that she'll be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: My life has been a continuous learning experience. My mother-in-law used to give me gifts that were either cracked or broken. I was offended, but never said anything except "thank you." After her death we had to go through her things, and it was then that I realized that just about everything she owned was chipped or broken.

When one of my children had a falling-out with a friend, I, too, would be upset. But when I would see my child and the offending friend back together the next day, I learned to hold my tongue.

Most recently, a man ran a stop sign, rammed my car and left me with a broken back. From that I learned what a dim view insurance companies have of homemakers. When asked if I was losing time at work, I answered with an honest "yes." Then came the question, "What do you do?" When I replied that I am a housewife, I learned there was no coverage because what I do isn't considered "work." Thanks for listening. -– STILL LEARNING IN CAMP HILL, PA.

DEAR STILL LEARNING: Thank you for sharing some of the lessons you have learned at the University of Life. You might be interested to know that in 2006, Al Neuharth -– the esteemed founder of USA Today -– wrote a Mother's Day column on the value of stay-at-home moms. In it, he quoted job analysts at Salary.com, who said, "... the lowest-paying parts of a mom's job are housekeeper, laundry machine operator and janitor. Higher-paying categories include computer operator, facilities manager, psychologist and family CEO." He concluded by saying that stay-at-home moms work "an average of 91.6 hours a week ... worth $143,121 annually."

Of course, that was in 2006 –- when everything was cheaper.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)