DEAR ABBY: My friend dated someone I'll call "Joel" a few times. She said he was nice, but she couldn't get past the fact that he's 27 and still lives at home with his mom. He is also rather shy.

I ran into Joel a couple of months ago. We started chatting and I ended up asking him out. Abby, he's a great guy. He's good-looking, has a steady job, drives a new truck and has money in the bank. He calls when he says he will and never "forgets" his wallet at home. He always insists on paying for dates, and he's a good cook. And to top it off –- his mom is amazing!

I have never been happier, but now my so-called friend is angry with me. Now she is telling people that I "took" Joel away from her. (She had already told him she wasn't interested in him when I asked him out.) I'm losing a friend, but there is no way I'm giving him up. Maybe this will serve as a warning to other women. Don't count a man out because one or two things bother you. Look carefully at the whole picture before you judge someone. -– HAPPY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HAPPY: Amen! Many a jewel has gone undiscovered until it was spotted by someone who recognized the "real thing" when she -– or he -– saw it. In this case, it was you. Enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a nice person and we usually get along fine, but there are things that my husband and I feel we should have in our possession that she won't hand over. I'm talking about pictures of him when he was growing up, and a few of his favorite toys to pass on -– but mostly, his birth certificate.

I'm trying my best to stay on her good side because her relationship with my husband is not very good. How can I get her to hand over the things we would like to have for our family without making it a big issue? You must know that she is super-sensitive, so this is a delicate thing. Please help. -– WANTING FOR OUR FAMILY

DEAR WANTING: Not knowing your mother-in-law, it's hard to know whether her unwillingness to share the items is because of her difficult relationship with your husband, because she is sentimental or, perhaps, because she needs to feel she's "in control." You might have better luck if you ask her if you can have copies made of the childhood photographs. That way, her family albums won't be depleted, and you can start some of your own.

As for the birth certificate, contact the department of records in the county in which your husband was born and request a copy. It's done all the time, and I'm sure they'll be pleased to oblige.

Your husband's toys are another matter. While they probably do belong with him, there may be a reason why she can't let them go. Continue to tread carefully.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about the social acceptability of brushing one's teeth in a public restroom? I'm sure it makes no difference what type of place the restroom is in, but I'm thinking of an informal restaurant –- one where you order food at the counter and carry it on a tray.

I'm concerned about oral health, and I'd like to brush after eating out, but I don't want to offend anyone. -- WONDERING IN ST. PAUL

DEAR WONDERING: Wonder no more. Brushing your teeth in a public restroom is acceptable as long as you make certain that the sink you were using is rinsed perfectly clean afterward.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My women friends and I are having a disagreement about whether we should put our children in the car first, or load our groceries first. One friend says that she starts her car to cool it off, buckles her children in and then loads her groceries. Another friend insists that you should put your kids in last, so if your car gets hijacked your children won't be in the car.

However, I had my baby sitting in the front of the cart while I unloaded my groceries when another car backed up so fast that she came within an inch of hitting my baby in the cart. I let out a blood-curdling scream, and she stopped her car just in time.

Wouldn't it be easier to buckle my older child and baby in the car before unloading my groceries? -– PAM IN HOUSTON

DEAR PAM: The rule of thumb should be to load your most precious cargo first. Once the children are secured, the groceries can be placed inside. The odds of your car being hijacked are far less than, say, the grocery cart with the child in it rolling away while your hands are occupied with a grocery bag, or, as you have already experienced, an inattentive driver hitting it.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter took me to a large shopping center to buy some things I needed. While she finished her shopping, I waited in the food court, watching the crowd.

All of a sudden, a woman who had just walked by turned back, put her arms around me, gave me a squeeze and said, "You are blessed. You have saved my day." Confused, I asked, "What did I do?"

"You smiled at me," she answered, and walked away.

Abby, I'll be 99 in a few months. I have smiled all my life, but never dreamed it could make such a difference in someone's life -– especially my own.

I promised myself then and there to smile a lot more, and I hope those who read this will resolve to do the same. It takes only 13 muscles to smile, and it's worth the effort. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. See the difference? -– KATHRYN OF A MILLION SMILES, MANSFIELD, OHIO

DEAR KATHRYN: A smile is contagious. It's an acknowledgment of another person's worth, and usually an indication that the smiler feels good about him- or herself. And who's to say –- it might even have something to do with your longevity. Here's hoping you'll be sharing that glow for many years to come.

DEAR ABBY: Now that election time is nearing, I would like to address a question that invariably comes up this time of year. That is, people asking me who I voted for. I think this is a personal subject. I am registered with a party and support it at election time. Who I vote for is my business.

My answer is, "I voted for the person I want to win." Sometimes this is not good enough for some people, and they insist I tell who I voted for. I just repeat my answer and go on. Any advice on this? -– REGISTERED VOTER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR REGISTERED VOTER: I agree that it's nobody's business for whom you voted. What I find interesting is, if I answer the question and my candidate isn't the one my questioner prefers, I then hear a recitation of the other candidate's campaign slogans.

You are handling the situation correctly.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work in a doctor's office where some of our elderly patients are dropped off by a transportation company. These patients often have no one with them or meeting them in the office.

If the person is coherent, it's not a problem. But when the patient isn't, then he or she is unable to fill out the forms or give us insurance information. Sometimes the people may not even know why they are in our office. Of course, this means they are unable to discuss their problem with the doctor. We assist these patients as much as we can, helping them fill out the forms, etc., but this is a busy office, and it causes other patients to be delayed as well as the doctor.

We don't blame the transportation services, but we are asking that someone accompany the patient and be prepared to fill out our forms even if the patient has been there before because the information must be updated every year.

If the patient has a designated power of attorney, then that's who should accompany the patient and be sure to bring the power of attorney papers along.

It's heartbreaking to see this scenario. We can't provide proper care if the patient can't communicate the problem to us and the doctor. I hope nursing homes and loved ones will read this and do what's best for the patient. -- AN OFFICE THAT CARES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OFFICE THAT CARES: You have raised an important issue, and thank you for pointing it out. It would be a good idea for doctors to require that patients who are unable to speak for themselves have an escort.

Ideally, the patient's family should see that their family member has someone in attendance. Some assisted-living facilities do send an escort or an aide. However, if that is not possible, then a case management program should be set up by a social worker, either through the nursing home or the hospital.

DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling with a question of family loyalty. I grew up in a broken home with no father and was subjected to various kinds of abuse. I'm now 21 and have had a serious boyfriend, "Will," for several years. Will's family has always welcomed me with open arms, and I enjoy being with them. They are easy to love, unlike my own family.

Of course I love my mom and sibling. We have been through a lot together. The problem is, I prefer spending holidays and trips home with Will's family rather than my own. His family get-togethers are filled with laughter, games and stimulating conversation. When my family gets together, there is nothing but negative talk about people, jobs, the future –- basically everything. There are often screaming matches and swearing, with me listening with tears in my eyes.

I endured the environment during my entire childhood, and I don't want to go back to it. Am I being disloyal in choosing my boyfriend's family over my own the majority of the time? –- DIVIDED IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR DIVIDED: Considering the circumstances, I don't think you are being disloyal. However, rather that writing your family off entirely, allot a certain amount of time to see them. When the negativity starts, explain that it makes you very uncomfortable when they act that way, and that you're going to Will's house. It will send a pointed message that may be overdue.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)