DEAR ABBY: I love dogs, but they're ruining my marriage. "Ivan" and I have been together 12 years, married for five. Six years ago, he had to put his aged, sickly pointer, "Sergeant," to sleep.

Two years ago, I began suggesting that we get another dog. I felt Ivan had mourned Sergeant long enough, and it was time for another. We found a lovely King Charles spaniel that we named Lili. We spent a lot of fun time with her that spring and summer, then thought a playmate might be good company for her during the day while we were at work. We found Branford, another spaniel.

At night we'd put both dogs in the kitchen, tell them goodnight, put up a gate and go to bed. But Branford would cry. I told Ivan he'd stop eventually, but Ivan couldn't just leave him, so he began bringing the two dogs into our bedroom and allowing them to sleep at the foot of our bed. I have pleaded with Ivan to return them downstairs, but he won't consider it.

Guess where they're sleeping today? IN the bed. Guess where I'm sleeping? On the couch downstairs.

We haven't been out on a date since the dogs arrived. We don't go out with friends because we must be back by 10 p.m. -- the dogs' bedtime, and Ivan's, too, of course. He is oblivious to me from the time he goes to bed with the dogs. We haven't had sex in a year.

Everything is about the dogs. He even prepares their meals from scratch each day -- boiled chicken with rice, peas and carrots. He says: "I told you I get attached to dogs. You said you wanted them; this is what you have to deal with." I am at my breaking point. Help! -- ONLY HIS WIFE IN WILMINGTON

DEAR WIFE: I'm sorry to say this, but the dogs aren't your problem; they're only a symptom. Your husband has turned them into a buffer. When a man would rather sleep with his dogs than his wife and "forgets" about sex for a year, something is wrong with the marriage.

You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter. So start looking for a licensed marriage counselor. If your husband won't go with you, go alone. Something tells me you're going to need all the emotional support you can get, because your marriage has gone to the bowwows.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a party at my parents' house. During dinner, one of the guests' cell phone went off, twice! He answered it both times and held lengthy conversations, and all the while my father was "shushing" the rest of us. I think both were remarkably rude.

My father believes that telephone calls take precedence over everything else, and that the guest "had" to answer his phone and that WE would have been rude to continue talking while he was on the phone.

Anything you can say to change his mind? – NOT WILD ABOUT PHONES

DEAR NOT WILD: It depends upon how stubborn a person your father is. Good manners dictate that when someone is attending a dinner party, his/her cell phone be turned off so conversation at the table isn't interrupted. If that's not possible, then rather than imposing on everyone else, the call recipient should leave the table and talk privately with the caller.

For the host to insist that everyone at the table remain silent for the duration of the conversation was rude to the other guests, and must have put a real damper on the party.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My parents recently took my kids for a "day with Grandma and Grandpa." My children are 5 and 3. When they returned home, they were driven by one of my siblings with Grandma in tow. My sibling stated that he was the "designated driver."

My husband and I are extremely upset that my parents chose to drink when they had our children in their care, and so extensively that they needed someone else to get the children home safely. We'd like to discuss this with them and ask them not to consume alcohol when our children are with them. However, we are hesitant because of the conflict this may cause, and are concerned that they will feel that we're attacking them.

How should we approach this -- or is it best not to express our concern? -- VACILLATING IN ARIZONA

DEAR VACILLATING: Vacillate no more and stop worrying about the "conflict" speaking up might cause. As a parent, it is your ultimate responsibility to ensure the safety of your children. Unless you establish firm ground rules and can be absolutely sure that your children are cared for in a sober, responsible environment, your children should not be unsupervised around their grandparents. Anything less is child endangerment.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column since I was in high school. Many of the topics you discuss have been very helpful. Now I have a question and thought you could give me some advice.

When a lady tries on clothes in the dressing room, but does not wish to buy them, should she leave them in the dressing room or put them back on the rack? -- MELANIE FROM OKLAHOMA

DEAR MELANIE: The garments should be left in the dressing room, replaced neatly on the hangers on which they were displayed. Sadly, sometimes customers leave the clothing in a messy pile on the floor, which means the salesperson must then hang them up so they can be displayed again. Such thoughtlessness is tacky.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old female and what you would call a "serial monogamist." I don't understand how I got this way, but I just love being in a relationship.

My curse is that I constantly wish to be back with my exes. I idealize the past and "forget" the negative things that made me cheat on or leave them.

I know that if I leave my current boyfriend, I'll just want to get back with him in the future. It's a weird, vicious cycle that causes me a lot of guilt and regret. How do I get over the past and appreciate the present? -- MIXED UP IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR MIXED UP: You may think you "love" being in a relationship, but it may be time to take a long, hard look at how you really feel about intimacy. It appears that every time you get close to a man you feel compelled to do something to destroy the romance. This boyfriend may -- or may not -- be someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with. But unless you understand what drives you to cheat on a partner or dump him, the pattern will continue to repeat itself. Counseling might give you insight, and I recommend it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, "Elli," for two years. We haven't seen each other for almost six months, and now she has decided she wants time apart.

Our relationship was suffering during my last year of graduate school because I wasn't able to give Elli the time she deserved. Now I have graduated and have a job that gives me more time to dedicate to her.

She decided when I relocated that she would not move to the city with me. She says she wants to keep me in her life, but she "needs space" to find herself. We schedule chats on the phone and try to avoid discussing the status of our relationship, but we usually end up arguing and crying.

I suggested visiting her now that I can afford to, so we can talk through our differences in person, but Elli says it would be too much for her to bear. She says she loves me and that she's doing this for the good of both of us. I miss her terribly. I think about her constantly, but I don't want to smother her and have her resent me. Is there more going on here than meets the eye? -- OUT IN THE COLD IN D.C.

DEAR OUT IN THE COLD: Yes, there probably is. When someone you haven't seen in six months tells you that you need more time apart, it means that she isn't as committed to having a relationship as you are. She may love you, but the question is, is she still IN love with you? The next time you chat, ask her that.

Please realize that when someone says seeing you would be too much to bear, it sends a strong message -- regardless of whether or not it's the one you want to hear.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about a change I have seen in church. I accept the loud guitar music and informal settings, although I do miss the traditional hymns and formal altars.

What I cannot get used to is the forced "friendly" greeting and handshaking. I attend church to meditate and worship with my family. I do not go to shake hands with strangers and give them a greeting dictated by a pastor.

I like people. I am naturally caring, outgoing and friendly. However, I believe that a greeting or handshake should come from my own heart.

I have mentioned this to friends and family from all faiths, ages and walks of life. None of them like this scheduled "greeting" either. Many say they head for the restroom at that time, turn their backs or just shake hands with the people they came with, come to church late to avoid it, or don't come at all. Others feel the practice is unsanitary.

I suggest that church leaders take an anonymous poll and ask how many in their congregations agree with me. What do you think, Abby? -- MINISTER'S DAUGHTER, CAYUCOS, CALIF.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Thank you for asking my opinion. Here it is: Something is wrong in our fragmented society if, for one moment in a house of God, people cannot find it in their hearts to reach out and make sure that everyone feels included and welcome. And for those who fear it is unsanitary -- bring small bottles of hand sanitizer.

DEAR ABBY: What is a polite way to let someone know that reading a book in your company, when you have been invited to visit, is offensive? -- NOT A BOOKWORM

DEAR NOT: Picking up a book and reading in the face of a guest is a not very subtle hint that you have overstayed your welcome. And the appropriate response should be, "Well, I'll get going now," followed by a hasty exit.

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