DEAR ABBY: I have been depressed for years, and at times I cut myself. My mother sent me to counseling, but it didn't help much.

For a while, I was more or less happy. I had my boyfriend, school wasn't too much of a problem, and I was having fun. But lately, I've felt really stressed and depressed, and I got back into my old habits.

Unfortunately, I cut myself in front of my boyfriend. He got mad and left. He said: "You act like a crazy person. You apologize, but you never change. You never mean anything you say. To heck with this!"

I seriously considered suicide. The urge was so strong it scared me, so I took my razors and threw them away. Then I called a friend who's having similar problems, and we talked. She helped me realize that maybe I hurt myself for attention or pity, and I can control acting like that. She said my boyfriend really loves me, and if I cut myself I'm cutting him -- and her. Later it occurred to me that I was a little mad at him, and maybe I do this to myself to get back at other people, too.

I don't want to lose anyone (myself included) over this stupid drama. I want to stop hurting everyone and deal with my feelings, whatever they are, in a healthier way. Psychologists haven't helped, but I need something to keep my head on straight. How can I change for good? How do I change my whole way of thinking? I know I need to -- I just don't know how. -- WANTS TO STOP IN DENVER

DEAR WANTS TO STOP: You are asking intelligent questions. To me, they indicate that you are ready to be completely honest and accept the help you so desperately need. When people hurt so badly inside that they inflict pain upon themselves to distract themselves, they need more help than a layperson can give them. It's time to consult a licensed medical professional.

I don't know why your sessions with the psychologist weren't helpful. Perhaps you weren't seeing the right person or you weren't ready. Now that you are, ask your doctor for a referral -- preferably to someone with experience with cutters. You may need medication to help maintain your chemical balance, but it's important to talk out your need to hurt others by turning your anger on yourself. Once you fully understand it, you'll have a better chance of controlling the impulse.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman who needs advice on how to find female friends. My family moved a lot when I was a child. By the time we settled down, I was in high school and realized to my dismay that it was too late. The other girls already had friends and social groups and weren't looking for more.

The same was true when I went to college and met my roommates. I'm out of school now and haven't had a female friend in years. It can be very lonely. Where can I meet women my age who still want to make new friends? -- FRIEND-CHALLENGED IN GLENDALE, CALIF.

DEAR FRIEND-CHALLENGED: Select an activity you enjoy -- or think you would like to learn about -- and pursue that interest. Some suggestions that come to mind would be to join a gym where you'll meet other young women, or special-interest groups such as cooking, sewing, knitting, quilting or scrapbooking. And, of course, there is always that old standby: volunteering for a charity or cause. You will always find interesting women involved in volunteer work. Give it a try.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A close friend I'll call "Millie" recently confided that she is being sexually harassed at work. The person is a major client of hers, and she could lose her job if this is brought to light.

I would like to help Millie, but I don't know what to do. Please help me. This is eating away at me. -- HURTING FOR MY FRIEND IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR HURTING: It is important that Millie report what has been happening to her boss. It is her employer's responsibility to see that she is not bothered.

I have long thought that people who use their position of power to sexually harass are either so pathologically narcissistic they can't believe everyone isn't bowled over by their charm (which, of course, is delusional thinking), or so pitifully unattractive and insecure they must bully their target into submission.

Whatever is driving your friend's harasser, it is vital for Millie's emotional well-being that the person is stopped. Laws protect people in the workplace, but only if the harassment is reported.

DEAR ABBY: I would appreciate your perspective on something that has been going on for about five years. When my granddaughter, "Allie," receives a gift, she takes it to her room to open. Allie is no longer a child, Abby. She's an intelligent, attractive college graduate. Later on, she will say thank you for the gift.

When I asked why she won't open the gift when I give it to her, her response was, "I don't like to be watched while I open gifts." This leaves me unable to witness her pleasure and makes me wonder why I spend my time purchasing anything for her. Please give me your reaction. -- GIFT-GIVING GRANDMA, CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA.

DEAR GRANDMA: You are operating under the assumption that your granddaughter likes the gifts you have chosen. Has it occurred to you that she may take the gifts to open in private because she knows you are waiting for her reaction and finds it intimidating?

My feeling is that you and she should have a frank talk about this, and you should take your cue from the outcome. It'll clear the air.

DEAR ABBY: Am I doomed to be a "jack of all trades"? I'm 21 and can never stick with a job longer than six months. I get bored and start looking for another one.

I have noticed my inability to find satisfaction in anything I do. I pick up and drop hobbies in the span of weeks. I'm currently in college and have switched majors six times. Women drop me because I can't decide on what my "life's work" should be.

I know I'm young, but it feels like the years are going fast. What can I do to find my niche? -- A GUY NAMED MIKE IN OHIO

DEAR GUY NAMED MIKE: The first thing to do should be to head to the student health center, explain your problem and ask for an evaluation. Next, stop berating yourself for being indecisive about your career path.

Generations ago, people trained for one career that was supposed to last until retirement. Today, however, workers can expect to change jobs several times over the span of their careers. And that's why a liberal arts education can be helpful, because it exposes students to a wide variety of subjects that can be helpful in the future.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Paw-Paw and Maw-Maw in Alabama" (May 13), whose son has cut off contact with their 5-year-old grandson to "protect" the boy from Grandpa's eventual death, left me feeling intense sorrow for all concerned.

In 1996, my grandfather was ecstatic that I was pregnant and anxiously awaited the arrival of his triplet great-grandchildren. At age 102, he was with us at the hospital when they were born, and remained an integral part of their lives until his death five years later.

We believe Grandpa's loving involvement with the children extended the quality and length of his life. In exchange, the kids' first years were blessed with the special love and adoration of a great-grandparent.

Abby, the day "Paw-Paw's" letter was published, I picked up my now-12-year-olds from school. They told me their writing assignment that day was an essay relating a favorite memory. Be it serendipity, providence or coincidence, two of the triplets had written about "G.G." (Great-Grandfather). One of the stories ended with "although G.G. is no longer with us, he will always be in my heart." -- JAN IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR JAN: Thank you for sharing that story. Response to "Paw-Paw's" letter was huge. Many readers wrote to describe the importance of grandparent memories in their lives. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: We lost my father 16 months ago after a long illness. My small children spent two days a week with him and my mother, and were a significant part of the joy in his life.

We never hid his illness from them. We did just the opposite. My son was a great help to his Nana and Pop-Pop, bringing him lunch and helping to move the medical equipment back and forth across the house.

I am convinced that allowing the children to be a part of their grandfather's life through the end of it has given them a sense of compassion and a life skill that all of us will need at some point in our lives. Children grieve, too, and it is our job as parents to help them learn to cope with life's disappointments, not to shelter them from the realities they will face as adults. -- NANCY IN ALLENTOWN, PA.

DEAR ABBY: As a hospice chaplain, I have worked with many children and many levels of maturity. In my experience, it is important to listen carefully to children and let them "self-select." If they seem comfortable or choose to be with a family member who is passing, it is best to let them be there. If it appears to be traumatic or they verbalize that they don't wish to be there, honor that as well and perhaps find a parallel way in which they can share in the transition. And bear in mind that the age of the child does not necessarily indicate his/her preparedness for confronting end-of-life issues. --- ARTHUR IN DERRY, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: Months after my granddaughter Kacie was born in 2000, I found out I have a rare cancer. As long as the medicine I take works, I am fine except for occasional pain. We see Kacie every day, before and after school. I really don't think I would still be here if I couldn't see her. Kacie is the light of our lives and gives me something special to live for. -- GRANDMOTHER IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: When our grandfather died, my sisters and I were upset that we didn't get more time with him. Years later, we found out that our parents had decided to shelter us from his last few weeks of life. This form of "protection" wound up "killing" Grandpa for us, before he was dead.

Please don't do this. Allow them to spend every moment they have left. If you have had love and laughter to the end, you will grieve but with the knowledge that you did all you could to honor Grandpa and preserve his memory. Regret perpetuates itself -- and my parents now realize they did the wrong thing. -- SHEILA IN MANHASSET, N.Y.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)