DEAR ABBY: I went through a bitter divorce a few years ago after my wife, "Cassie," had an affair. During the divorce I confided a lot in Cassie's sister, "Lisa." We had always been close friends, but one thing led to another.

I started seeing a lot of Lisa, and some people got wind of it. Lisa has two kids and I have a son who is older. I was very much in love with Lisa and she felt the same, but everyone said it was wrong so we parted ways. It was more my idea than hers. She didn't care what anyone thought.

Lisa and I are now involved with other people, but I talked to her a month ago and now I can't get her out of my mind. I told my son about it. He thinks I should be with her. He wants us to be happy. I have dated several other women, but none of them makes me feel the way she does. What do you think we should do? -- UNDECIDED IN DELAWARE

DEAR UNDECIDED: Who, exactly, are these "people" whom you have allowed to dictate the way you live your life? It's time to stop being an advice collector.

Because you and Lisa are involved with others, the first thing you'll have to do is explain to them that you have "unfinished business." Better they hear it now than after they have invested more time in either of you. Also, understand that nothing comes without a price, and the "price" for a life together could be a permanent estrangement between Lisa and her sister.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have a "blended family." He has a 13-year-old son named "Ryan." I have a 5-year-old son, "James." And we have a daughter together, "Samantha," who is 2.

James and Ryan got along great before Sami was born. But now Ryan treats James like a stepchild. He constantly yells at James and says things like, "Just wait until Sami is big enough to beat you up!"

What I see going on between James and Sami is typical childhood rivalry, and I take it with a grain of salt. I have urged my boyfriend many times to talk to Ryan and tell him James is only 5 and doesn't fully understand when he takes toys from Sami, and for Ryan to stay out of it. I have also tried to tell that to Ryan.

I don't want my son to feel like the stepchild he is being treated like. Some advice would be greatly appreciated. -- GOT THE BLUES IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GOT THE BLUES: There is a lot going on under your roof, and you should take none of it "with a grain of salt." Ryan may be treating your son like a stepchild because that is how he perceives him -- after all, Ryan is related by blood to Samantha and not to James. He should not be allowed to get away with it.

Also, when Sami was born, James was the baby in the family. He could be resentful about losing his place and be trying to punish Sami by taking her toys. At age 5, your son knows the difference between right and wrong, and you should not ignore that fact. Tell James that unless he wants both his big brother and his little sister to be mad at him, he will have to learn to look out for Sami and treat her like a loving brother.

Also, be sure to carve out some extra time devoted just to James, so he will know he hasn't been "lost in the middle." Praise him when he's good to Samantha and let him know there's a penalty when he isn't. Do this, and I predict the problem will subside.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are going through a financial situation which many families seem to face these days, where the wife has to take care of the family's finances.

Yesterday my husband asked me to give him some money. Of course I told him I would give it to him, but I wanted to know what he needed it for because I had given him enough a week ago that should have gotten him through a minimum of three weeks.

My husband became angry and told me to "forget the money," that he would manage one way or another. I tried explaining to him that if the situation was the other way around, he would have wanted to know what I needed the money for and that I was only concerned, but he's still mad at me. I apologized, but he's still hurt.

Was it wrong to ask him what he needed the money for?

-- WORRIED WIFE IN NIGERIA

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Your question was probably spontaneous, and certainly to the point. More than what happened to the money, your husband's defensive reaction is cause for concern. If he was proud of where the money went, he would have answered the question.

However, please consider that another reason he may have overreacted is that he feels it should be his place to be the breadwinner -- and the fact that you are is a blow to his ego.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in college and having one of the best times of my life. I have made a lot of good friends. My only problem is I don't have a boyfriend. It's not that I feel I can't exist without one. I have been perfectly content as a single girl. But I'm 18 now, and still haven't kissed a guy.

One by one, each of my friends has found someone. I know a lot of guys through activities I'm involved in, or my classes, but I am terrified of initiating something. I really need them to make the first move. I'm worried that no one will be interested in me because I'm a bit overweight and I'm self-conscious about it.

Abby, can you think of anything I could do to change my situation? -- WANTING A GUY AT CORNELL

DEAR WANTING A GUY: Perhaps. May I suggest an extra-curricular activity for you? It's one that will give you a chance to meet and mingle with new people. Join a gym. It's healthy, it's fun, and it's a non-threatening way to meet all sorts of people with different interests. It's also an effective way to lose weight, tone up and gain self-confidence. Give it a try and let me hear from you in six months. I'll bet by then your problem will have resolved itself.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl with a problem. My mom is dating a really cool guy. He's nice and remembers our birthdays and stuff like that, but I don't like him that much. I have talked to my mom and my school counselor about it. What do you suppose I should do now? -- ISSUES WITH MOM'S B.F.

DEAR ISSUES: Just because your mother likes him does not mean that you have to like him "that much." He is your mother's friend. Therefore, you should treat him with the same respect and consideration that you would want your mother to treat one of YOUR friends.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a single parent, although I never intended to be. Last fall, I was asked to baby-sit a 14-year-old boy. He has been in my custody ever since. His mother abandoned him. Only in the last month have I actually gotten legal custody of him from Social Services. The problems he had prior to being with me have caused me legal expenses I never could have imagined. (They are all paid now.)

I sold my truck and moved out of my original apartment, so I don't have much. We have no furniture other than the beds we sleep on and a dining room table we received as a gift. I have no idea where to go for help. I have no idea what I am doing as a parent. But I made a promise to that boy, and I fully intend to make sure that I carry it through. What do I need to know? -- NEW FATHER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEW FATHER: Congratulations on becoming a father. You have already mastered the most important lesson on becoming a parent -- and that's being there for your child. The library is filled with books on parenting, and I'm sure you will find some answers there. But you are already a stable influence, and that's what the boy needs. You should also know that there is money available to take care of your boy, and the Department of Social Services should be able to help you get it.

DEAR ABBY: Due to years of abuse at the hands of my parents, I decided I could no longer continue a relationship with them. Ten years ago, for the sake of my mental health, I took control and cut the "disease" out of my life. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but it was also one of the best decisions I ever made. I am now a happier, healthier person and have no regrets.

My problem is people who hear about my decision feel the need to tell me about the "inevitable regret" I will feel, and that I should forget the past and make amends.

My decision was not made lightly. I gave it considerable thought and, while it may not be the right choice for everyone, it was the right one for me. People are entitled to their opinion, but I am tired of feeling as though I have to defend myself.

Please encourage your readers to respect the decisions of others, even if they don't always agree.

-- PEACE AT LAST IN TORONTO

DEAR PEACE AT LAST: Do not feel you have to defend yourself. Those who are trying to warn you about your "inevitable regret" are speaking through the filter of their own experience. They do not understand that some family relationships are toxic rather than nurturing, so don't argue the issue. Accept that they mean well and tune them out. You have suffered enough.

DEAR ABBY: I'm starting a small business and have begun to purchase office equipment. When any recent purchase comes up in conversation, the next thing out of people's mouths is, "How much did that cost?"

I think that question is extremely presumptuous. I don't ask them how much their new car or their new house cost them. What's the best way to politely ignore the question? -- JUST WONDERING IN ITHACA, N.Y.

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If you bring up the subject of a new purchase, it is natural for people to be curious. The way to avoid a problem like yours is not to "go there" in the first place. My advice is to stop talking about the items you're buying, and your problem will resolve itself.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)