DEAR ABBY: My children are 10 and 12. When my wife and I suggest that we all do something together, they whine and moan. We have to force them to go, or end up getting upset with them and staying home.

We live five minutes from the beach, but the kids say they "don't like" going to the beach. The bay is down the road, and we used to fish there all the time, have picnics, visit the local zoo and other outdoor activities. But we rarely go anymore. It seems that unless it involves spending money -- like going on boardwalk rides or trips to the arcade -- the children don't want to go. They would rather play on the computer, watch TV, or ride their bikes up and down the street.

Should we ease up and let them do their own thing since they are getting older, or continue to try to do family things together? -- DISAPPOINTED DAD, NORTH CAPE MAY, N.J.

DEAR DAD: You and your wife are the parents in your family, and your wishes should be respected. Yes, your children are getting older, but doing something as a family twice a month isn't a punishment.

Perhaps you should ask them what THEY would like to do as a family. Another thought: Allow them both to include a friend in these activities. It could turn out to be more fun for all concerned. Give it a try.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Cindy," recently moved in with me. We have a history of fighting, often to exhaustion. I have been trying hard to improve my communication skills.

Something that troubles me is a tactic of hers that forces me to stay in the conversation when I need to take a break from it. Cindy literally stands in front of me when I'm trying to go outside to calm down. She will position herself in front of me without actually touching me, so I have to make physical contact in order to get out the door. Then she claims that I am abusive because of the extreme physical contact needed to get by her. If I give up and stay in the house, her verbal abuse will continue.

I feel trapped. I either endure her verbal abuse until she runs out of steam, or fall into her trap and become someone who physically abuses his girlfriend. I am twice Cindy's size, so I don't think authorities will buy my story of feeling trapped should she show them any marks I leave while trying to push through the door. What's the answer? -- HELD HOSTAGE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HELD HOSTAGE: Recognize that you and Cindy are too combustible a combination to have a healthy relationship and end it now. And when you do, be sure to have witnesses present who can help her pack her things.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who can't swing up on a horse. Hard as I try, I just get laughed at by the people in my riding club. I keep practicing, but nothing works. What can I do? I need help, even my friends say so. -- HOPELESS IN UTAH

DEAR HOPELESS: Try this. Go to a gym and have a trainer prescribe some exercises to increase the strength in your arms and legs. If you follow my advice, I predict that in a few months you will be the person getting the last laugh. (If that doesn't work, you may need a shorter horse.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman enrolled in night school. A favorite professor of mine is a 46-year-old woman for whom I had a great deal of respect. We had some mutual interests and became casual friends. We'd grab a cup of coffee now and then, and she'd call me at work occasionally to say "hi."

Over time, we double-dated with our husbands (who hit it off), going out to eat or see a movie.

It has now reached the point where my professor expects to have lunch with me two and three times a week. She singles me out in class as an obvious "favorite," and calls me daily at work. She gets mad if I skip a class and says she doesn't want to teach then. She has become rude and disrespectful to her husband, and spends more time and effort trying to be with me than with him.

Abby, I feel suffocated. My husband and I are the kind of people who respect the need for space. I can't handle a clingy friend. I sometimes wish I had never signed up for night school. -- SUFFOCATED STUDENT IN MADISON

DEAR SUFFOCATED: It appears your teacher has formed a crush on you. The woman may also have some unresolved emotional problems. Begin to extricate yourself by being less and less available for phone calls and lunch dates. Not everyone can accept personal calls during working hours, or make the time to indulge in involved conversations. You also have a right to lunch with others, or to have other plans. That is not a "rejection" of this new-found friend; it is creating boundaries, which you should begin doing immediately.

If your professor becomes punitive, discuss this with the head of the department or the dean of the school and ask if you can switch classes. This woman's behavior is not only unprofessional, but possibly unethical.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed three years ago at the age of 40. A previous decade-long marriage ended in an amicable divorce. Since my husband's death, I have been engaged twice but have broken off both relationships for sound reasons. My most recent engagement was to a man who turned out not only to be manipulative and controlling, but also had an undisclosed mental illness.

Is it normal not to want another relationship? I'm enjoying the time and freedom to pursue my hobbies and friendships. Most men my age seem to have more emotional or financial baggage that I want to take on, and a "Me Tarzan, you Jane" attitude that I find unacceptable. Am I on the rebound, in denial or just self-fulfilled? -- LOVING THE SINGLE LIFE

DEAR LOVING: You do not appear to be either on the rebound or in denial. You appear to be genuinely grateful for the good things in your life and in no hurry to encumber yourself. Those are attractive traits, and I predict that one of these days you will meet someone who recognizes it.

DEAR ABBY: At sporting events and parades, when we rise for the national anthem, are women supposed to remove their hats? -- A PATRIOT IN OHIO

DEAR A PATRIOT: No. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette," women's hats do not have to be removed during the national anthem.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my late 40s. My father and siblings all live in the same town. We have always been close and spend holidays, birthdays, etc. together, even as our families have grown.

Last year my brother's daughter married a horrible man I'll call "Willard." Willard is rude, vulgar and makes constant sexual innuendos. The rest of the family have decided to have nothing to do with my brother's family because of it. We're afraid to invite them to gatherings and holidays for fear that Willard will come with the rest.

We have talked about it with my brother and his wife. They feel that because Willard has become part of their family, he should be accepted whether we like him or not. Another problem: My brother thinks Willard is "wonderful" and says nothing when he's out of line. Is it time for us to also cut them off, or do you have any other ideas? -- TORN IN TUCSON

DEAR TORN: It is not your brother's job to muzzle his son-in-law when the man becomes offensive. Invite the family to one more gathering, and when Willard steps out of line, the person he offends should speak up. If Willard does not stop, do not invite him again.

By the way, when "children" are grown they should receive invitations of their own and not expect to "tag along" with their parents. Your brother should not be ostracized because of his son-in-law's bad behavior. However, if he chooses to estrange himself in order to "punish" you for drawing the line, the choice will be his.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Blake," called off our engagement recently. He has a 4-year-old son, "Danny," with whom I grew very close during our 3 1/2-year relationship. Danny lives with his grandmother, and she and I also have a close relationship. Danny's mother has never been in the picture, and Blake and I would see the boy every weekend.

The grandmother called me recently and asked if I would still like to see Danny. I want to do what's best for the child. I do not wish to use him as a way to stay in my ex-fiance's life. I grew very attached to Danny and, near the end of my relationship with Blake, he had begun to call me "Mommy." I had hoped that one day we would be a family and he wouldn't have to endure another mother figure leaving him.

Would it be best for Danny to continue to see me, or should I leave him alone? -- ALMOST MOM IN SARASOTA

DEAR ALMOST MOM: Because you have been close to Danny for more than three-fourths of his short life, I see no reason why you shouldn't see him. However, you should no longer allow him to call you "Mommy." Tell him that you love him, but he should call you "Aunty" because you will not be living with him. That way you can still have a warm relationship with the boy, even if his father marries someone else who would assume the mommy role.

DEAR ABBY: Does a house "burn up" or "burn down"? -- HOT TOPIC IN ASHEBORO, N.C.

DEAR "HOT": It does both, depending upon where the fire starts. According to the Beverly Hills Fire Department, if a fire starts in the attic, it burns down -- and if it starts on the first floor, it burns up.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)