DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman enrolled in night school. A favorite professor of mine is a 46-year-old woman for whom I had a great deal of respect. We had some mutual interests and became casual friends. We'd grab a cup of coffee now and then, and she'd call me at work occasionally to say "hi."

Over time, we double-dated with our husbands (who hit it off), going out to eat or see a movie.

It has now reached the point where my professor expects to have lunch with me two and three times a week. She singles me out in class as an obvious "favorite," and calls me daily at work. She gets mad if I skip a class and says she doesn't want to teach then. She has become rude and disrespectful to her husband, and spends more time and effort trying to be with me than with him.

Abby, I feel suffocated. My husband and I are the kind of people who respect the need for space. I can't handle a clingy friend. I sometimes wish I had never signed up for night school. -- SUFFOCATED STUDENT IN MADISON

DEAR SUFFOCATED: It appears your teacher has formed a crush on you. The woman may also have some unresolved emotional problems. Begin to extricate yourself by being less and less available for phone calls and lunch dates. Not everyone can accept personal calls during working hours, or make the time to indulge in involved conversations. You also have a right to lunch with others, or to have other plans. That is not a "rejection" of this new-found friend; it is creating boundaries, which you should begin doing immediately.

If your professor becomes punitive, discuss this with the head of the department or the dean of the school and ask if you can switch classes. This woman's behavior is not only unprofessional, but possibly unethical.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed three years ago at the age of 40. A previous decade-long marriage ended in an amicable divorce. Since my husband's death, I have been engaged twice but have broken off both relationships for sound reasons. My most recent engagement was to a man who turned out not only to be manipulative and controlling, but also had an undisclosed mental illness.

Is it normal not to want another relationship? I'm enjoying the time and freedom to pursue my hobbies and friendships. Most men my age seem to have more emotional or financial baggage that I want to take on, and a "Me Tarzan, you Jane" attitude that I find unacceptable. Am I on the rebound, in denial or just self-fulfilled? -- LOVING THE SINGLE LIFE

DEAR LOVING: You do not appear to be either on the rebound or in denial. You appear to be genuinely grateful for the good things in your life and in no hurry to encumber yourself. Those are attractive traits, and I predict that one of these days you will meet someone who recognizes it.

DEAR ABBY: At sporting events and parades, when we rise for the national anthem, are women supposed to remove their hats? -- A PATRIOT IN OHIO

DEAR A PATRIOT: No. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette," women's hats do not have to be removed during the national anthem.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my late 40s. My father and siblings all live in the same town. We have always been close and spend holidays, birthdays, etc. together, even as our families have grown.

Last year my brother's daughter married a horrible man I'll call "Willard." Willard is rude, vulgar and makes constant sexual innuendos. The rest of the family have decided to have nothing to do with my brother's family because of it. We're afraid to invite them to gatherings and holidays for fear that Willard will come with the rest.

We have talked about it with my brother and his wife. They feel that because Willard has become part of their family, he should be accepted whether we like him or not. Another problem: My brother thinks Willard is "wonderful" and says nothing when he's out of line. Is it time for us to also cut them off, or do you have any other ideas? -- TORN IN TUCSON

DEAR TORN: It is not your brother's job to muzzle his son-in-law when the man becomes offensive. Invite the family to one more gathering, and when Willard steps out of line, the person he offends should speak up. If Willard does not stop, do not invite him again.

By the way, when "children" are grown they should receive invitations of their own and not expect to "tag along" with their parents. Your brother should not be ostracized because of his son-in-law's bad behavior. However, if he chooses to estrange himself in order to "punish" you for drawing the line, the choice will be his.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Blake," called off our engagement recently. He has a 4-year-old son, "Danny," with whom I grew very close during our 3 1/2-year relationship. Danny lives with his grandmother, and she and I also have a close relationship. Danny's mother has never been in the picture, and Blake and I would see the boy every weekend.

The grandmother called me recently and asked if I would still like to see Danny. I want to do what's best for the child. I do not wish to use him as a way to stay in my ex-fiance's life. I grew very attached to Danny and, near the end of my relationship with Blake, he had begun to call me "Mommy." I had hoped that one day we would be a family and he wouldn't have to endure another mother figure leaving him.

Would it be best for Danny to continue to see me, or should I leave him alone? -- ALMOST MOM IN SARASOTA

DEAR ALMOST MOM: Because you have been close to Danny for more than three-fourths of his short life, I see no reason why you shouldn't see him. However, you should no longer allow him to call you "Mommy." Tell him that you love him, but he should call you "Aunty" because you will not be living with him. That way you can still have a warm relationship with the boy, even if his father marries someone else who would assume the mommy role.

DEAR ABBY: Does a house "burn up" or "burn down"? -- HOT TOPIC IN ASHEBORO, N.C.

DEAR "HOT": It does both, depending upon where the fire starts. According to the Beverly Hills Fire Department, if a fire starts in the attic, it burns down -- and if it starts on the first floor, it burns up.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced twice before I met my present husband, "Lou." We have been married seven years. When we're with his extended family or new acquaintances, Lou makes a point in his loud, animated way of letting everyone know that he is my third husband. It's embarrassing. And because I am at a loss for words, I usually stay silent.

I have asked Lou in private why he offers that information when no one asks. I think he's trying to make me look bad. I told him maybe he should have a "3" tattooed on his forehead if he's that proud.

If someone pays me a compliment in his presence, Lou will say, "She really has you fooled!" But, Abby, Lou is the one who has everyone fooled. If his family knew the things he has said and done over the last seven years, they would be shocked.

Early on, his first wife stopped going anywhere with him. I have reached the point where I have begun trying to avoid going out with him. How should I respond -- if at all -- when he tries to make me look bad? Perhaps I should just say, "Yes, you are No. 3. But when you talk about me like that, it makes me wish you weren't." -- OBJECT OF RIDICULE

DEAR OBJECT: If you haven't already done it, tell your husband privately that you don't appreciate being embarrassed in front of family and friends. Tell him that you want it stopped immediately. Your husband appears to be insecure and trying to make himself look better at your expense. If he persists, the next time it happens, smile sweetly and say, "And I'd like you all to meet my soon-to-be third EX-husband." (Come to think about it, that might not be a bad idea.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 38 years young and still single. I enjoy my friends, my freedom and rock concerts. My issue is that at the last two concerts I went to, I heard men -- or boys -- say, "Watch out. Here come the cougars!" I think this is insulting. Or is it?

Can you define a "cougar"? I don't know whether I should be insulted or take it as a compliment. -- STILL ROCKIN' IN IRVINE

DEAR STILL ROCKIN': A "cougar" is a woman who likes to date -- and aggressively pursue -- much younger men. Whether it's an insult, an accurate description or a compliment depends upon how you wish to be perceived. But from my perspective, the comments you heard were stereotypical and "catty," to say the least.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young man who is having some trouble working for "the man" -- you know, the corporate culture. I have always worked for large companies, but have found that my current employer is not open to accepting new ideas or suggestions.

I feel I'm hitting a brick wall when I look at a problem and come up with a solution, but no one will take me seriously because of my youth. Any advice on how to deal with this? -- EAGER IN CUMBERLAND, MD.

DEAR EAGER: When someone is hired by a company with a strong corporate culture, that person is usually expected to conform and not shake up the status quo. I can think of few things more depressing than going every day to a job where you do not feel your input is valued. Feeling as you do, you might be wise to explore opportunities at another company -- or even a field -- that is more youth-oriented.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)