DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old male. My younger brother, "Chaz," is 22 and has always been extremely popular with everyone -- parents, grandparents, guys, girls. He is the better-looking, more talented, smooth-talking brother.

Chaz and I have been close growing up, sharing the same hobbies and doing the same things. But ever since I can remember, people have walked past me on their way to flock around him. The only time girls talk to me is when they ask about him. Chaz juggles three gorgeous girlfriends who know about each other but are still crazy about him.

I don't consider myself ugly or awkward. I do OK. I'm thought of as the nicer, warmer one who people can talk to. I'm not bad at what I do, and I do get compliments on my talents, but often it's followed with, "But your brother ... wow!"

I know I shouldn't compare myself to Chaz, but it hasn't been easy living in his shadow and being seen by everyone as "just his brother." It has done a real number on my self-esteem. What can I do to not let this affect me so much? Should I move someplace where nobody knows him? -- CHAZ'S BROTHER

DEAR BROTHER: Let's follow that last sentence to its logical conclusion. You move far away from Chaz -- and then what? Pretend you're an only child? What if he comes to visit? What if you meet someone special and want to introduce her to the family? Only as a last resort should you take such drastic action.

It's time to start working to beef up your sagging self-esteem. One way would be to schedule some sessions with a psychologist who can help you appreciate the traits that distinguish you from your brother. Another important step would be to involve yourself in activities separate and apart from Chaz, which will help you to cultivate an identity of your own.

You are far more than just someone's brother. You are already considered the "nicer, warmer one who people can talk to." Recognize that those are important qualities and something you can build upon.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and still haven't had my first kiss. When all my friends are talking about theirs, I just hope they won't ask me about mine. Boys will ask, "Have you had your first kiss?" or, "Who was your first kiss with?" I hate having to say it hasn't happened yet.

Abby, how should I answer these questions -- or should I not answer at all? I don't know what to do. -- ASHAMED IN OPELIKA, ALA.

DEAR ASHAMED: A first kiss should be with someone special because it's an event you will remember for the rest of your life. Not having been kissed (yet) at 13 is nothing to be embarrassed about, so stop worrying.

As to all those "curious" boys who ask about your first kiss, it's time you learned you do not have to answer every question that's asked of you. Just smile and say, "I don't kiss and tell." Then ask them if they've had THEIR first kiss yet, and who it was with. And remember -- a guy who would talk about another girl would talk about you.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I commissioned a friend to make a one-of-a-kind model lighthouse for my brother. When my brother saw it, he thought it was hideous. I suppose I could sell it, but how should I handle the situation when I see my friend again and he asks how my brother liked the lighthouse he made? I don't want to cause hurt feelings, but I'm a terrible liar. Any suggestions? -- PATTY IN PORTLAND

DEAR PATTY: Allow me to offer one. If you are asked about the model, tell your friend that the lighthouse "didn't fit my brother's decor." It's the truth. You don't have to specify that your brother passed judgment on it and found it lacking. Then offer to sell the model back to the artist. If he refuses, feel free to dispose of it as you wish.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 years old and have known a girl I'll call Emma for a couple of years. She's 14 and like a member of my family -- a little sister. My parents joke that Emma is their second daughter.

Emma is an only child and lives with her mother. Her dad is an alcoholic who is currently serving time in prison. Lately Emma has been hanging out with a group of 18- and 19-year-old boys who let her drink and smoke pot with them. People say she's just "doing what all teens do," but I have never smoked or had a drink in my life.

Should I tell Emma's mother what's going on and risk losing our relationship, or should I wait to see if it's just a phase? I feel responsible, but don't know what to do. -- BIG SISTER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR BIG SISTER: Tell Emma's mother NOW. Because Emma's father is an alcoholic, she already has the predisposition to become one. The longer you procrastinate, the greater her chances of getting into serious trouble --and face it, she's already well on her way. The "boys" Emma is hanging out with are too old for her, and girls under the influence of alcohol and marijuana make mistakes that can affect the rest of their lives.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 26, and "Henry," my boyfriend of five years, and I are expecting our first child. We're not married, but plan to be sometime after the baby arrives.

My problem is my mother. She keeps telling me that because Henry and I aren't married, the baby's last name should be my maiden name. She says it's the law. I always believed that a child's last name should be the father's last name, married or not.

Is my mother right, or is our baby entitled to have his father's last name? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: According to the Los Angeles County Hall of Records, because you and Henry are not married, in order for his name to appear on the baby's birth certificate, he will have to sign a Declaration of Paternity. This can be done in the hospital at the time of the child's birth. However, because you don't live in L.A. County, and laws can vary in different places, check with the birth clerk at the hospital where the baby will be delivered.

DEAR ABBY: I recently celebrated a birthday and was taken to lunch by a couple who are like a second set of parents to me. As they always do, they presented me with a card filled with cash. The cash was a combination of $10s and $20s.

I opened the card in front of them, read the sentiment inside and thanked them from the bottom of my heart. However, it is always awkward because I never know what to do with the money. Is it proper to count it in front of them, or acknowledge the cash, close the card and count it later in private? -- GRATEFUL IN ORLANDO

DEAR GRATEFUL: You should thank your benefactors warmly for their generosity, close the card and count the money privately. Then write them a sweet note in which you thank them again for the amount they gave you. To count the money in their presence would make it appear you are fixated on the amount.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: On Father's Day many stepdads are often underappreciated or excluded, so I wrote this poem to honor these unsung heroes. I hope you'll put it in your column, so my husband -- and other stepdads everywhere -- will know it was written for them. -- LESLEY STITT, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR LESLEY: In these times when blended families are common, your tribute is clever, appropriate, and certainly worth space in my column. Read on:

NOT HER FATHER

Hey, it's really not "your day."

I just don't know what else to say

Because, you see, you're just a "step,"

You're not her dad -- you're just a "rep,"

-- A stand-in really, rest assured

You're only there to be endured.

Oh! Unless she needs a ride,

Or someone there to take her side,

And please have money you can lend;

'Cause that's when you will have a friend.

She's NOT your daughter, though, be clear;

You're not her dad, just someone here.

There's really lots for you to do;

And you get all the "good jobs," too;

You get to worry when she's late,

Pick her up from her late date,

Comfort her when she's in tears,

And try to calm her teenage fears.

And you will get to love her, too,

Even though she won't love you.

You'll get to care for her each day,

And see my daughter doesn't stray

From rules that you will get to make --

She won't admit they're for her sake!

She thinks stepdads just aren't "fun,"

You're just as boring as her mom.

You're only there (you must concede)

To see that she's got all she needs!

Father's Day? Nah, she won't bother

Thanking you -- you're not her father!

So let me do it in her stead,

As I have done since we were wed.

Thanks for all the things you do,

And all you are -- I love you, too.

Happy Father's Day.

DEAR ABBY: Our mah-jong group has three older women. Our fourth member died recently. We have three substitutes, one of whom wants to become the permanent fourth member. But she's rude and demeaning to one of the other substitutes, of whom she's apparently jealous. How do we tell "Troublemaker" we no longer want her to play, even as a sub? -- SEEKING HARMONY IN SCOTTSDALE

DEAR SEEKING HARMONY: It shouldn't be too difficult. Ask one of the other substitutes to become the permanent member, and I predict the insecure "Troublemaker" will "punish" you by becoming unavailable.

TO FATHERS EVERYWHERE -- BIRTH FATHERS, STEPFATHERS, FOSTER FATHERS, TOO: Happy Father's Day to all of you! In addition, I extend good wishes to those caring men who donate their time mentoring youngsters whose parents are absent or deceased. The most precious gift a person can give is a gift of self, and the difference you make is immeasurable.

P.S. To Morton B. in Minneapolis: Happy Father's Day, Pop!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)