DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute I am having with my roommates. The four of us "girls" have separate bedrooms, and mine is messy. I admit it is covered with clothes and papers. But there is never food, food wrappers or anything lying around that could attract "unwanted guests."

My roommates are always after me to clean my room, but I feel I shouldn't have to. I'm an adult. I work 20 to 30 hours a week, and my major requires that I have class for another 30 hours. On top of that I have homework, and I try to have a social life. I keep my door closed so my roommates and their guests won't see the mess.

Now, here's the zinger: I am the only one who keeps the rest of the house clean. I am the one who does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom, vacuums, etc. I have to beg my roommates to do anything, and many nights I come home to three stacks of dirty dishes and two bags of trash.

I don't expect you to say it's OK to have a cluttered room, but what do you think about people who barely lift a finger to help around the house telling me what to do in my room? -- THE MESSY ONE, HINESVILLE, GA.

DEAR MESSY ONE: Talk about a case of the pot calling the kettle black! Frankly, it seems rather selfish for your roommates to keep their private spaces neat as a pin while ignoring the need to contribute to the upkeep of the common areas.

The time has come to hold a "roomies" meeting and offer "the girls" a proposition. You will find the time to straighten your room when they agree to post and abide by a "chores chart" so you no longer have to play Cinderella.

DEAR ABBY: My darling grandmother, a selfless pillar in our community, died just over three weeks ago. Her death hit me extremely hard, but I was lucky enough to see her one last time before she fell into a coma.

In my kitchen is an amaryllis plant that my husband received as a gift more than 10 years ago. It hasn't bloomed in the last seven years, but we kept it going because the fronds are so pretty. In fact, I liked it so much I bought one for my grandmother as a Christmas gift a few years ago.

Well, after seven years of being dormant, my beautiful amaryllis began blooming on the day of Grandma's funeral. This amazing, stately flower stands tall and reminds us of her. There is no reason why this plant should flower now. I haven't fed it in ages, it gets watered only when I can remember to do it, and I have never "conditioned" it to bloom out of season. I think it's Grandma telling me she loves me even though she is gone. -- JENNIFER IN LINCOLN, MONT.

DEAR JENNIFER: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your grandmother. She may be sending you a message of love, reminding you that in death people of faith enjoy a new beginning, or telling you that you should not grieve for her, because wherever she is, she, too, is "blooming."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Would you please invite all Americans to stand together, unified in spirit, for 60 seconds of respectful silence during the National Moment of Remembrance at 3 p.m. local time this Memorial Day?

The purpose of this moment is a noble one, to honor America's fallen. The freedoms we take for granted each day are reminders of their ultimate sacrifice and our ongoing debt to them. We mourn our fallen and honor their courageous legacy and the future they bequeathed to us.

The agony of a fallen soldier's mother is as old as war. One such mother is Sallie Stubenhofer. Her son, Mark, was killed by a sniper in Iraq. He left three young children, including a daughter who was born four months after his return to active duty. Mark and his wife named their baby Hope, which signified what he wanted to offer his children and all children.

The Moment of Remembrance and our year-long, lifelong determination to "live honoring America's fallen" are in memory of Army Capt. Mark Stubenhofer and all those brave members of our military who have died in the service of our nation. We invite all Americans to pause in their Memorial Day activities at 3:00 local time to honor those who live in our history, reside in our hearts and rest forever in the arms of God. -- CARMELLA LA SPADA, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, WHITE HOUSE COMMISSION ON REMEMBRANCE

DEAR CARMELLA: I am pleased to convey your invitation to observe the annual Moment of Remembrance.

Readers, Memorial Day is Monday. I hope you will join me and millions of other Americans at 3 p.m. local time in giving heartfelt acknowledgment of our fallen heroes for the noble sacrifice they have made in the name of freedom.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and have fallen in love with "Brad," a wonderful and very successful businessman. On a recent trip out of town, my co-workers were joking that we were going to elope.

I told Brad about it and how ridiculous it was, since we have been dating only about six months. He replied that we couldn't elope because I haven't signed a pre-nup! I stewed over it for a couple of days and, because I couldn't get it off my mind, brought it up again and asked him if he was serious.

Brad said he was. He said he has worked hard for what he has (which I understand) and mentioned the fact that I have a failed first marriage. I didn't think that was fair. My husband had cheated on me, and we were married only a few months. We talked further, and Brad said if he thought I was with him because of his money, he wouldn't be with me.

I understand his reasons for wanting a pre-nup, but doesn't getting one indicate that we are preparing to fail? I am pretty sure marriage will be in our future, and I'll sign a pre-nup (after my attorney reviews it), but it seems like negative thinking. How can I get my head around this? -- DON'T FEEL TRUSTED IN ALABAMA

DEAR DON'T: One way to "get your head around it" would be to remember that a pre-nuptial agreement carries with it guarantees for BOTH parties. Many couples have them to protect assets accumulated before marriage. Such a document not only protects the man, it can be structured so that YOU have certain guarantees should the marriage not work out.

I strongly recommend that you discuss this with your attorney before you discuss it with Brad again. As with any other legal document, I agree that it should be reviewed with your legal counsel before you sign it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have recently gotten to know a lovely lady I'll call "Judith," whose son is being married in August. During a recent trip to Florida, Judith mentioned that she was looking for a dress to wear to the wedding and asked where she might find something nice. The next day, the woman she had spoken to arrived with a beautiful gown she had worn only once. The dress is lovely and of excellent quality. It fits and looks perfect on Judith.

After showing the dress to her future daughter-in-law, Judith received an e-mail from the young woman stating that the dress will "clash" with her ivory wedding dress and might look "dirty" next to it. (The dress is a light metallic gold.) She also told Judith that the purse was too gaudy.

Is it the bride's place to tell the mother of the groom what to wear? -- FRIEND OF JUDITH'S

DEAR FRIEND: Tell her? No. But to discuss her concerns with her future mother-in-law would have been acceptable. The bride-to-be's method of conveying her concerns to Judith was unfortunate. They both would have been better served had she picked up the phone and called.

DEAR ABBY: How do you politely and firmly discourage overzealous religious solicitors who go door-to-door? My mother's co-worker and her husband have been coming to our house for some time, but now that Mom has retired, they have increased the frequency of their "visits."

Every time they show up at our door, Mom and I tell them, "No, we're not interested," but they don't seem to understand the meaning of those words. They still keep coming, and when we're not home, they leave literature on our doorstep. It's becoming irritating, and we're losing our patience. This couple has been "visiting" us for at least five years. Any ideas? -- HOUNDED IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR HOUNDED: What took you so long to write? The next time they show up, greet them with a smile and tell them, "Thank you, but I have already been saved." Then firmly close the door. If you find "literature" on your doorstep, toss it.

This question has arisen before. Years ago, a helpful reader wrote that a "courteous young man" had ignored the "No Solicitors" sign that was posted. When he offered her some religious literature, she responded, "You may give it to me only if you take some of MY literature for YOU to read," and handed him the Catholic Digest. The young man not only left in a hurry, but didn't accept the literature or leave any of his.

DEAR ABBY: My wife had a wheelbarrow with a steel wheel that had a tendency to sink into the ground when she was pushing a heavy load, making it difficult for her.

I recently won a large sum of money in a lottery, and to show my love and appreciation, I bought her a wheelbarrow with an inflatable rubber tire so it would be easier for her to push a heavy load. My wife has not talked to me since. What did I do wrong? -- BIG WINNER IN THE USA

DEAR BIG WINNER: Congratulations on your good fortune. What you "did" isn't the problem. What you DIDN'T do is what has upset your wife. You didn't ask her what she would LIKE to have. Do it now, and I predict she'll not only start talking, but you'll have trouble getting her to stop.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)