DEAR ABBY: Please help me deliver a message to a family here about their son, who is a fifth-grader in the school my children also attend.

These parents are well-known. They refuse to allow their son to get his hair cut, and it has caused him to withdraw from sports at school. He told some of his friends that he would like to get his hair cut because the other kids are calling him a girl. He just sits at home and plays games on TV. He's afraid to let his parents know about the teasing. Even some of the adults are afraid to talk to them.

I believe this to be a form of child abuse. The boy's parents read your column in the local paper. Please help him because the name-calling is bound to get worse as he gets older. -- ANOTHER PARENT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR PARENT: Surely these "well-known" parents love their son. Sometimes children are reluctant to confide to their parents that they're being teased because they are too ashamed. Because the boy is the target of ridicule, his teacher or the principal should have a talk with the mother or father. However, if they are too intimidated to raise the subject, then you should.

DEAR ABBY: A friend and I attended a bridal shower of a friend's daughter. After the young woman opened her gifts, we were escorted to another room where blank note cards were strewn on a coffee table, surrounded by envelopes and stamps. The hostess instructed us to write on these folded cards our names and what we had given the bride-to-be.

The hostess told us to write: "Dear Mary (using our own names, of course), Thank you for the nice afghan" (or whatever we had given), and place the card in one of the envelopes. We were then told to address and stamp the envelopes, but not to seal them so (I assume) the "too busy" bride-to-be could sign her name.

As I foolishly followed these ridiculous instructions, I was tempted to thank myself for the 30-minute drive I had made in each direction to purchase a gift, and the 45-minute drive I made to attend the shower.

How stupid are we going to feel when the "thank-yous," in our own handwriting, show up in the mail? My son says I should refuse the letter.

And do you want to know the "topper"? I asked the bride-to-be before leaving when her wedding was. Get this -- it's in two days. I am not even invited to the wedding!

What's wrong with this generation? Please shed some light on this. Thanks, Abby. I feel better now that I've vented -- stupid, but better. -- FEELING USED IN KANSAS

DEAR FEELING USED: Nothing is wrong with "this generation." What you have described is a family that never learned basic good manners. Rather than an "afghan" -- or whatever your gift was -- the bride-to-be would have been better served to have received a book on etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: What are the proper uses of "J.D." and "Esq.," especially when it comes to signature lines sent via e-mail? -- LIVONIA, MICH., READER

DEAR READER: The titles are used on both snail mail and e-mail. Some lawyers use the honorific "Esq." after their name. Others prefer the initials "J.D.," which stand for Juris Doctor (Doctor of Law). This is a degree conferred by a law school, unusually after three years of study. And many spell out the title by using "Attorney at Law" after their names.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our 16-year-old son uses instant messaging, and we often "check in" on what he is saying and who he's speaking with. Although he knows we keep abreast of what he's doing online, he's obviously unaware of how much detail we have access to.

My husband and I know that our son is considering smoking pot and that his other friends do it occasionally. One boy in particular seems to be encouraging him to try it and is offering to provide it. This friend has dealt to others in the past.

We have a firm "parents have to connect" rule when our son wants to go to someone's house, to ensure that the teens are supervised. Our problem is, although the homes have parents "on duty," the friends are allowed to walk to town for a pizza. It's clear from reading the IMs that the boys are taking advantage of this loophole to get high.

How do I tell my son's friend's parents that their child is smoking pot and is the source for several others? -- AWARE IN LAWRENCE, MASS.

DEAR AWARE: Tell them in plain English -- and do it quickly. When someone is the source for others, in the eyes of the law it is considered "dealing," the penalty for which can be years in the pokey. And if you haven't already done so, inform your son that the penalty for smoking pot when -- not if -- you catch him will be severe.

Last February, I printed a letter from Marc Galanter, M.D., the director of alcoholism and drug abuse at New York University Medical Center. In it he said: "(W)e know that illicit drug use changes the developing brain. Many young people smoke pot before their brain development is settled, and their chronic use of the drug can affect certain centers in the brain that control emotion and reason.

"Research shows that regular use ... may also lead to mental health problems. Youth who use marijuana weekly have double the risk of depression later in life, and are three times more likely than non-users to have suicidal thoughts."

In light of Dr. Galanter's warning, it's time the other parents are made aware of what their teens are having with their pizza.

DEAR ABBY: When a friend asks for a ride from work to home, or home to work -- or anywhere, for that matter -- is it rude for the person to start adjusting the windows, volume on the radio, the thermostat, the sunroof, etc. without asking first?

I realize we are adults, but this is driving me crazy. -- JAY IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.

DEAR JAY: Many cars have child safety locks that prevent passenger windows from being operated or doors opened. Utilizing yours could solve part of your problem. However, many people do this when they enter a vehicle, and the driver doesn't mind. Because you do, speak up and say that you find it annoying, and I'm sure it won't happen again.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter-in-law, "Carmella," speaks a foreign language with her parents and children while in our presence. We don't understand a word of these "private" conversations and have let her know that it makes us uncomfortable. We consider her behavior rude. Are we wrong to feel excluded? -- THE IN-LAWS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR IN-LAWS: Your feelings are not wrong. Unless Carmella's parents and children speak no English and she must translate for them, excluding you from the conversation is extremely rude.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 12 and adopted. I have always known and have never felt less loved because of it. My mom always said that when you're adopted, you know that you are wanted and loved because nobody gets adopted by accident.

My 14-year-old sister, "Melissa," is our parents' natural child. We were always close, but lately she has decided to be mean to me and tries to hurt me by telling me that I'm not her "real" sister and our parents aren't my "real" parents. This hurts very much. If I cry, she thinks it's funny. She never says it in front of our parents -- she wouldn't dare.

Melissa used to tease me when we were alone in our room, but now she does it in front of her friends, who also laugh at me when I get upset and cry. Melissa would be in big trouble if I told Mom, but I'm afraid it will make her even meaner. I don't want to get her in trouble because, in spite of this, I still love her. I just want her to stop being mean and start treating me like her real sister again. Abby, what should I do? -- REAL SISTER IN TACOMA

DEAR REAL SISTER: Clip this and show it to "Miss Melissa." I have news for her. Parents who raise a child ARE "real" mothers and fathers. And you are as "real" a sister as Melissa is likely to get.

Her behavior is cruel, insensitive and immature. She's doing it because you have allowed her to get away with it. Give your sister one warning. Tell her that if she repeats that nonsense again, you will tell your "real" mother, who also happens to be HER mother. And if she's foolish enough to try it -- follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 20s and work as a cashier in a convenience store. One of my regulars recently won the lottery.

I am newly married and have a 7-month-old. We live with my in-laws, and we're dying to get our own place.

The lottery winner is somewhat good-looking, but about 20 years older than I am. Abby, he propositioned me -- if you know what I mean. He offered a large sum of money, which would help my family get our own place.

I'm confused. What do I do? -- DESPERATELY SEEKING MY OWN PLACE IN TEXAS

DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING: You're not confused; your customer is. He may have won the lottery, but he's a loser. You are a cashier, not a prostitute. Tell him there are some things money can't buy -- and one of them is YOU.

DEAR ABBY: I participate in a depression forum. One question comes up repeatedly, and I have yet to find a decent answer.

What is the best way to answer someone who inquires about a self-inflicted scar? And are there ways to hide scars besides wearing long sleeves or pants all the time? Should we even feel that we have to hide them? -- GETTING BEYOND MY PAST IN HONOLULU

DEAR GETTING BEYOND: Because over the years I have heard from (and about) young people who have tried to cope with severe depression by cutting themselves instead of seeking the counseling they need, I am sure that question comes up with some frequency. The problem with "cover-ups" is sooner or later -- like scars -- the truth is exposed.

The honest answer to someone you trust is simply to tell the truth. For others, make light of the question ("Oh, those darn rose bushes ...") and steer the conversation to another subject.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)