DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. The first 30 were pretty much devoted to raising children.

Now that we are both retired and empty nesters, I realize just how focused our lives have been on family issues. While I have developed many interests, "Fred," has none besides solitary activities. He isn't interested in most of the things that I enjoy, but offers no alternatives. Consequently, I've learned to make social plans that do not include him.

I do spend a good deal of time at home with him, but I am feeling increasingly detached. I would like to have more of a life with Fred, but must I give up the relationships and activities that have provided a needed balance in my life in order to revive our marriage? -- MRS. COUCH POTATO

DEAR MRS. POTATO: And what's to guarantee that if you give up your friendships and activities that your marriage will be "revived"? Marriage is about compromise. Before this situation goes any further, you and Fred should talk to a counselor about the state of your union.

People who are anti-social may be extremely narrow in their range of interests, or they could be depressed. I'm advising you to find out now into which category your husband falls before you sever your social contacts.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter, "Amy," was recently dumped by text message, and I am extremely frustrated with how to address her tears and heartbreak. Text messaging and instant messaging seem to be the only ways that young people communicate these days. This young man took the coward's way out.

Amy and I have had several heated discussions about it, mostly ending with us agreeing to disagree. My perspective is, when two people are ready to end a relationship, they should face the other person and talk about the reasons why it isn't working. Hers is, "That's just the way we do things now." Any thoughts? -- KATHY IN SPIRIT LAKE, IOWA

DEAR KATHY: You are both right. Communication is a skill that people learn through practice. And I, too, am concerned that a generation of young people isn't learning to communicate face-to-face. It's almost as though there is a fear of intimacy, and the signals that people send through facial expression and gesture are being lost because of over-dependence on technology.

Although "that's the way we do things now" may be your daughter's perspective, my question to her would be, "Now that you know how terrible being dumped that way feels, would you do it to somebody else?"

DEAR ABBY: When someone sneezes multiple times, do I have to "bless them" after every sneeze, at the end of all sneezes or only after the first sneeze? -- BLESSED OUT IN MENOMONEE FALLS, WIS.

DEAR BLESSED OUT: It depends upon how superstitious you are. The custom of "blessing" a person who sneezes originated during the Middle Ages, when people believed that when someone sneezed their souls left their bodies for an instant. Saying, "God bless you" ensured that the soul would jump back in, rather than be "lost."

If you're really superstitious, then you should utter the blessing every time someone sneezes. However, today most people say it only once after the first sneeze.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son's girlfriend, "Liza," had her breasts enlarged several years ago. Her entire wardrobe now consists of clothing with plunging necklines that expose most of her "assets." Don't get me wrong. I don't expect Liza to wear turtlenecks, just to cover up some.

Whenever there's a family function, there "they" are for all to see. My husband and the siblings (all over 18) have talked about how uncomfortable that makes them. This is not one of those things that you can just turn your head from, especially when Liza is sitting across the table at dinner.

My son doesn't have a problem with it, but I would like to know if there's something you would suggest I could say -- either to her or my son -- to let them know how uncomfortable we are without making it sound like we're attacking her? -- COVER UP, PLEASE, IN ALABAMA

DEAR "C.U.P.": Liza has invested a lot of money -- not to mention the pain -- in acquiring those assets. She wouldn't be human if she didn't want to display them. However, because you feel you're seeing too much of a good thing, approach your son about asking his girlfriend to dress a little more conservatively at dinner. If that doesn't do the trick, lower the temperature when they're over and hand her a sweater -- or serve lobster and hand out bibs.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance bought a ring and necklace for me for Valentine's Day. The ring was to be a wedding ring. Both are yellow gold, which is something I have never worn, nor do I care to.

The first ring he selected was white gold. Then he decided that with the yellow gold, he would get "more bang for his buck." A friend of ours, "Diana," went with him and told me the story. I told Diana I'm thinking of asking him to return the items and have the two of us look for a white gold set. Her response? "You'd better shut up and wear them. He may send you packing if you hurt his feelings."

Abby, it's only a request, but this will be a lifelong remembrance for me to wear. What should I do? -- IN A TIZZY IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR IN A TIZZY: I'm guessing your boyfriend took Diana to help with the selection because he thought she'd know what you like. Frankly, he took the wrong girl. He should have taken you.

If Diana is truly a friend, she should tell him she "forgot" that you have a strong preference for white gold and suggest the two of you exchange the set for something you might like better.

While some readers may not agree, not all surprises turn out to be pleasant ones. The most practical way to choose wedding/engagement rings is for the man to talk to a jeweler in advance about what he can afford to pay and ask that a selection of rings in his price range be put aside for him and his girlfriend when he brings her in. That way, she can have something she will enjoy wearing, he won't feel pressured into spending more than he can afford, and everybody's happy.

DEAR ABBY: When a person cooks a meal, isn't it also his or her responsibility to do the dishes when the meal is finished? If not, then who should? I think the cook should be responsible. -- BOILING OVER IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR BOILING OVER: And I think the person who EATS the meal should volunteer to clear the table and help with the dishes.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to write regarding the letter from "Disgruntled in Lompoc, Calif." (Dec. 28), whose pet peeve is waitstaff (in particular) referring to her and her lady friends as "guys."

Well, 3,000 miles away, I, too, am sick to death of being called a guy. When it happens to me, I tell my server that "the last time I looked, I was NOT a guy!" Sometimes they get it -- sometimes not.

I notice that on some of the TV shows I watch, even women refer to a group of people as "guys." I hate it -- and would ask you, with your worldwide influence, to bring the issue forward. We are NOT "guys." We are "people" or "folks" or "ladies and gentlemen"! Or else, Merriam-Webster will have to change its definition of "guys." Thanks for letting me vent. -- JACKI IN WILBRAHAM, MASS.

DEAR JACKI: I had no idea when I printed that letter that it would hit such a nerve with my readers, but oh, sister, have I heard from them! While I, too, would prefer to have my femininity acknowledged rather than to be called a guy, I would, however, not let it ruin my meal if it happened.

And, as to Merriam-Webster's definition of a "guy" -- my 11th Edition says in black and white that "guy" can refer to "any person" when used colloquially. Frankly, I found it so surprising that I looked in the American Heritage College Dictionary to see if there was agreement, and it also states: "Informal (ital.): Persons of either sex." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As I have told my ESL students, "guys" is acceptable colloquial English. In the singular, it refers to a male, of course. However, in the plural it may refer to males, males and females, or even just females. -- NICK LONGO, RACINE, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: Almost 40 years ago, my wife's college roommates would tease her for using the phrase "you guys." (My wife was born in central California.) Our college chums were all from down South.

If familiar (perhaps overly familiar) slang bothers "Disgruntled," all she has to do is reply, "I'm not a guy. Are YOU?" Nothing will change behavior quicker than public humiliation. -- FAITHFUL READER IN FORT WORTH (OR AS WE SAY IT HERE, 'FOAT WUTH')

DEAR ABBY: Fresh out of college, I moved to Oklahoma from central Illinois to teach high school. In front of my first class I said, "OK, you guys, take out your books." The boys did, but the girls just sat there. That's when I learned to say, "Y'all" if I wanted the whole class to respond.

I hope "Disgruntled" isn't too offended. It's not meant to be disrespectful. It's a regional colloquialism. -- GRETCHEN IN SPRINGFIELD, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: I was at a restaurant once with two women and a male friend who happened to have longer hair than either of us at the time. Our server asked, "How are you ladies doing this evening?" only to be embarrassed upon learning the sex of our male companion -- who also happened to be the godson of the restaurant's owner. Sometimes it's better to be safe than sorry, and "folks" is the safe route. -- ROSE IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Why do young people insist on using that term? First, it is unprofessional, and second, are they blind?

My solution is to smile sweetly and ask, "Honey, do I LOOK like a guy to you? Because if I do, you need your eyes checked." This is just some "food" for thought. Thanks for letting me put my "tip" in. -- A LADY IN CUMBERLAND, MD.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)