DEAR ABBY: My husband had a stroke the morning of New Year's Eve last year. He died on New Year's Day. This year has been hard for me. With the help of my strong faith and my family, I have been coping.

I am having an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness about the upcoming New Year's events. I don't want to go to any gatherings. (We usually stayed home.) I feel like going away, but where could I go without a lot of party stuff going on?

Should I just stay home and deal with the reminder of the events of his stroke happening here at home? I don't know what to do. I don't want to be with anyone, but I don't want to sit around bawling my eyes out reliving the whole nightmare, either. I'm confused and don't think I am thinking clearly.

I am not in some deep depression. I have accepted my husband's death, although I miss him dearly. I just feel nervous and anxious, and I don't feel like celebrating. Please help me figure this out. -- HOLIDAY BLUES IN INDIANA

DEAR HOLIDAY BLUES: Please know that all the feelings you are experiencing are absolutely normal. It is entirely possible that from now on you will associate New Year's with your husband's death. No law says that you must celebrate this holiday. If you would prefer not to be home at this time, consider checking into a hotel and asking a close friend or family member to join you.

Hopefully, as time goes by your anxiety will lessen. However, if that doesn't happen, then counseling can help you.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced in 2001 after a 20-year marriage. They reconciled a few years later, only to split up again after Dad once more had an affair with a younger woman. Dad is now living with his girlfriend, and the situation has my mother severely depressed.

Mom is in poor health due to a severe heart condition. She has had multiple bypass surgeries over the last 15 years and has a defibrillator permanently implanted in her chest. And she's not even 50.

Every time I speak with her or go to visit, she dwells only on the things Dad has done to her. I understand her pain, but I don't know how to help her overcome it. Words cannot express the contempt I have toward him for doing this to her again.

Mom can't work because of the stress it puts on her heart. I try to get her to go out and do things, hoping it will ease her out of her depression, but she wants only to stay home, do housework and watch daytime soap operas. She has also begun smoking again against her doctor's orders.

How can I help her before she works herself into another heart attack? -- HEARTSICK IN HOUSTON

DEAR HEARTSICK: Your mother appears to be chronically depressed, and part of it may be due to her heart condition. You can't fix what ails her, but you should accompany her to see her doctor and explain what's going on. It's possible that with a combination of counseling and medication, her depression can be treated and she'll end the self-destructive lifestyle she has adopted. Because of her serious medical problems, her doctor should also be involved in her rehabilitation.

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DEAR ABBY: As you know, when students are in their last year of high school, their minds start wandering to other places -- college, careers, marriage, etc. But my daughter is the complete opposite. All she wants to do is party and have fun.

When I approach her about the importance of planning her future -- things like college and work -- she tells me to "take a chill pill" and refuses to listen.

I want the best for my daughter. I'm a single parent and am afraid she won't get the education she deserves. She was a very bright student. She was on her way to being valedictorian until she took a turn for the worse. I have tried everything. I even scheduled a meeting with her school guidance counselor. My daughter never showed up. What can I do? -- SCARED PARENT IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR SCARED PARENT: Girls on their way to be(coming) class valedictorian don't normally take the kind of nosedive your daughter has. The first thing you should do is screen her for drugs. If she tests positive, get her into rehab. This will effectively remove her from the "party scene."

If the results are negative, sit your party girl down and inform her that the party is over. The time to start planning her independent future is here and now, and unless she wants to face the job market with only a high school degree she needs to make plans to complete her education.

And, dear parent, if that girl prescribes one more "chill pill" for you, show her in no uncertain terms what life will be like trying to build a secure future while earning minimum wage. After that, what happens will be up to her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old high school student with a big problem. My boyfriend of two months, "Justin," gave up smoking for me. We made an agreement that if he started again, I would dump him.

Now he's asking my permission to start again. I don't want Justin to smoke, but he tells me that smoking is "a part of him," although he wants me to be happy and knows I am against it.

I really like Justin and love being around him. But if he smokes I know it will cause a lot of problems with us. Please help me, Abby, because I'm not sure how long I can take this. -- ANTI-SMOKING IN ST. PAUL

DEAR ANTI-SMOKING: My experts tell me that smoking is both treacherous and addictive. The earlier a person starts, the harder it is to quit because the need for the nicotine becomes hard-wired into the brain. I have never heard anyone say that smoking improved his or her health, although I have heard more than one person say that it shortened their lives.

If you truly care about Justin, you will stand your ground and remind him that you have an agreement, and in order to have you for a girlfriend, he will have to hold up his end. Believe me, you'll be doing him a favor.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and have a problem. My mom's stepdad just passed away. My problem is I'm not sad. I mean, I knew him well enough -- but I'm not SAD. My mom cried, but I didn't. Is there something wrong with me? -- PROBLEM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR P.I.P.: There is nothing wrong with you. Every person grieves in his or her own way. It's possible that your mother's stepdad occupied a larger place in her life than he did in yours. Therefore, the empty space his passing has left is greater for her than for you. You're normal, so stop worrying.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a special cake recipe that I have perfected over the years. I get compliments on it and requests for the recipe every time I take one to any non-family gathering.

People often ask me to make these cakes for them for special occasions. I always tell them that I will need to charge them for it because the ingredients are expensive. No one has a problem with paying me.

I love to cook, and it gives me pleasure to see people enjoy something I have prepared. However, because I use my special recipe as another source of income -- albeit a small one -- what can I say to those people who demand that they must have the recipe?

I usually evade the question by ignoring them, which I know is rude, but I don't know how to tell them "no" without seeming offensive and snobbish. Please help. -- FRUSTRATED COOK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Saying no nicely shouldn't be difficult if you say it with a smile. One way would be to say, "I'm sorry -- I don't share this recipe because it's a way I can earn extra money." That's not rude; it's the truth. Another smiling response might be, "Coca-Cola isn't giving away its recipe, and neither am I!"

DEAR ABBY: I go to church with a woman who is generous and means well, but she likes to give away her old hand-me-down clothing. Recently she gave me two old dresses that fit me, but I wouldn't be caught dead in. I'm 15, and she doesn't understand that.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so when she asked if they fit and if I liked them, I told her they did and they were pretty.

My mom is planning to donate the dresses to charity. But now the woman is saying she wants to give me more of her old dresses. I don't know how to handle this. -- SECONDHAND TEEN

DEAR SECONDHAND TEEN: Your neighbor is both kind-hearted and generous. She also appears to be into recycling, which is a good thing.

Before you turn your nose up at what she is offering, please consider that vintage clothing can be valuable. Some of it is "classic" and can be worn regardless of what the current fad may be. Members of the Hollywood crowd, as well as fashionable members of New York society, already know this. I often see their photos in magazines wearing some of the marvelous items they have collected.

However, if your neighbor's dresses are really not your style, then you should be honest and graciously tell your neighbor that they're not for you.

DEAR ABBY: When you're at a restaurant, after you have made your selection from the menu, what should you do with it? Do you place it closed directly in front of you, or place it hanging halfway off the table? -- CONFUSED IN DENVER

DEAR CONFUSED: If the server has not yet taken my order, I close the menu and place it beside me on the table. (The closed menu signals to the server that I have made my choice.) After my order is taken, I hand the menu to the server.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)