DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a great guy, "Curtis," for about a year, and I'm happy with everything about our relationship except for one thing. Curtis lives out of town. I live in the same town as his parents. He stays with me many weekends, and when he visits his parents and they ask where he is staying, he lies to them.

I understand that his folks are religious and that they wouldn't approve of his staying over, but Curtis is 25 years old. At this point, shouldn't he be able to choose what he wants to do?

My parents are also traditional in their beliefs, but I have made it clear to Curtis that I was raised to tell the truth, even if it means disappointing someone. His mom and dad have met me. They know this is an enduring relationship. I want him to feel comfortable telling them where he's staying on weekends.

Should I stop worrying about this, or should Curtis be telling his parents the truth? I know he loves me, but I feel like his guilty secret. -- CANADIAN READER

DEAR CANADIAN READER: While I agree that by age 25 Curtis should be man enough to level with his parents about whose pillow he's hitting on weekends, I don't think this is anything to obsess about. His folks may be religious, but they're probably not naive -- and this may be a "game" they have played for years.

Because they have met you and know you have an ongoing relationship, you are not Curtis' guilty secret. The fact that he is sexually active is Curtis' guilty secret, and I don't think you should push him to reveal it until he feels ready.

DEAR ABBY: I have many out-of-town relatives who come in for the holidays every year. As our families have all grown, the group has gotten larger. I consider this to be a blessing, except for the fact that it makes hosting the holiday meals every year overwhelming. Additionally, over time it seems my visiting sisters do less and less to help me prepare and serve the meal and clean up afterward. And my brothers and brothers-in-law hardly help at all.

Each year I feel like my home is turned into a fast-food diner. Abby, I think they have forgotten how much work it takes to clean and prepare for such a large group. I know they have traveled far and paid for airfare, but they seem to think that entitles them to treat me like the owner of a hotel/restaurant who is here only to serve them.

Can you please remind your readers to show some appreciation to family members who host them year after year? I never get any thanks or flowers or offers of being taken out for dinner for hosting all of these relatives. Even if they can't do that, help with cleaning and doing the dishes would go a long way. -- POOPED IN ISSAQUAH, WASH.

DEAR POOPED: Have you never heard the saying, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease"? Please do not count on me to get the message out to your relatives -- who, after all these years of being waited on, are probably under the impression that you enjoy "having the privilege."

Before the out-of-towners arrive this year, begin communicating your feelings and enlist their help in shouldering the workload. Assign the chores to various relatives -- including the brothers and brothers-in-law. The alternative will be ordering takeout and using paper plates, and I don't think that's what anybody has in mind.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional woman in my late 20s. I admit to being commitment-phobic. I have no desire to be married or even in a relationship. I have always felt this way.

I recently began having an affair with a married man. We have never spoken about his wife, but he knows I know he's married. I do not want an emotional relationship with him, and I think he is on the same page.

I know I should feel guilty about this, but somehow I don't. I feel as though his wife undoubtedly realizes what's going on. Considering that he spends every other weekend at my house, how could she not know? Maybe she's choosing to ignore it. Could this be the reason I'm having a hard time feeling guilty?

I have always despised cheaters. What has prompted me to change and be so heartless? At this point, the only reason I would want to end this liaison would be if he were to tell me he wanted more from this situation. Abby, I need some tough, honest, brutal advice to make me finally stop this. -- THE OTHER WOMAN IN ST. PAUL

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: I'll try. If you truly felt good about this relationship, you would not have written to me asking for my help in ending it. Whether your lover's wife knows about the affair or not is beside the point. She may tolerate it because she enjoys her lifestyle and doesn't want it disrupted because her husband is a womanizer.

You call yourself "heartless" and say you don't feel guilty. However, I believe neither statement is true. You are involved in this relationship because it feels good, and I caution you that when something feels good, it is easy to become addicted. Once that happens, you WILL become emotionally vulnerable, and then you'll be in for a world of pain. There's no free lunch. There is always a price tag that somebody has to pay.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked at my present job a little over a year. When I make a mistake, my supervisor comes over to my desk, leans very close to me and tells me loudly what I have done wrong.

The office is very large, and I find her behavior threatening. I feel like I am backed into a corner. My way of dealing with it is just to say anything to get her out of "my space." It's also embarrassing that everyone in the office can hear everything we say. I'm about ready to file a harassment suit.

How can I get her to back off a little or take it to a private office? -- INTIMIDATED IN WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR INTIMIDATED: Your supervisor's behavior is insensitive. Some people become so intimidated when they are publicly embarrassed or their space is invaded that they "blank out" and can't remember all the details of what happened -- hardly an effective management technique.

At a time when both of you are calm, talk to her privately, in her office with the door closed (that's how she should be correcting you), and explain how her "corrective technique" affects you. If that doesn't work, then talk to her supervisor or your union rep. It appears your supervisor could use some coaching on effective management.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I live 3,000 miles away from my immediate family. I am happily married and six months' pregnant. In the past, I had many issues with my family. I have a long history of anorexia, and my pregnancy has forced me to give up my self-destructive behaviors. I would never jeopardize my baby.

I asked my father if I could have a baby shower this month. I don't want to travel when I am further along in my pregnancy, nor do I want negative comments from my family members about my size. After my baby is born, I will not visit for at least a year.

My father suggested that I have a baby shower then, but my baby will be a year old! He believes having a baby shower "too early" is asking for gifts. I am hurt by his attitude, and I'm having a hard time understanding his logic.

Meanwhile, my friends and a few family members have offered to host a shower for me next month, but I want my father's support -- which perhaps is another issue in itself. Please advise. -- MOM-TO-BE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MOM-TO-BE: You are correct -- your need for your father's approval, and his unwillingness to give it, is "another issue in itself." Unless he comes from a culture in which infant mortality is so high that it is traditional to wait until a child is born to hold a shower, I can only conclude that his unwillingness is a form of punishment.

My advice is to allow your friends and family members to host the shower. Take plenty of pictures and send copies to your "immediate family." Visit them next year, and don't be surprised if no shower is forthcoming then, either. Live a healthy, happy life, enjoy your husband and child, and do not allow anyone to make you feel less than adequate. And that includes your father.

P.S. If, after your baby arrives, you begin backsliding with your eating disorder, for your sake and the sake of your child, I urge you to get professional counseling. Children model their eating habits on those of their parents.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old grandmother, twice divorced. I have been living with a man I'll call "Mickey," and we're contemplating marriage.

My older sister met Mickey for the first time and insists that I abandon my marriage plans. She says that while she talked with him, she realized that he is controlling, possessive and angry. She's convinced that he will ruin my life.

I love my sister, and I'm not sure how to react to her phone calls and e-mails. I have not discussed this with Mickey because I don't want him thinking poorly of my sister. I know he has problems, anger issues being one of them. And perhaps she's right about his being controlling and possessive.

I'm not sure what to do here. Mickey wants to get married next month. I'm thinking we need to wait a while longer. We've been together only seven months. -- WENDY IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR WENDY: You have struck out twice at marriage. For your own sake, please do not marry again without at least a year of premarital counseling. The traits your sister spotted, and that you admit Mickey suffers from, are red flags that he could be an abuser. Your mental and physical health could be at risk, so do not allow yourself to be rushed into anything.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)