DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the problem encountered by "Hurt Beyond Words in Cedar Rapids" (Oct. 22). Sorry to disagree with you, Abby, but "Hurt" needs a divorce lawyer, not a marriage counselor. I'm speaking from experience.

My ex-wife essentially abandoned my kids and me in order to spend time with her "best bud," and married him less than six months after the ink was dry on the divorce she engineered. Yes, I tried counseling; she didn't like the counselor she asked me to choose. But her mind was made up long before the problem became apparent.

My prayer is that "Hurt" will pick himself up, divorce himself from this woman and this situation, and move on with his life. -- WALKED IN HIS BOOTS, ALLEN, TEXAS

DEAR WALKED IN HIS BOOTS: Please accept my sympathy. I heard from readers of both sexes whose spouses had left them after Internet affairs, and none of them agreed with me that the marriage might be salvageable. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was in the same situation as "Hurt" 10 years ago. My wife at the time also "found" someone online. They started out as friends, and then she drove to Texas to see him. I tried to be strong as I watched her drive off. She promised nothing would happen. Well, something did happen.

We went to marriage counseling before and after her trip. She even flew to spend a long weekend with him while we were in counseling.

My advice is to cut the strings now. She has already cut the emotional strings, and like my ex, she is stringing her husband along while she gets her ducks in a row. As for telling her family, no matter what she does, whether they like it or not, she will always be their little girl, and they will stand by her.

Please urge "Hurt" not to fall into this emotional trap. It's a lost cause, and he should get on with his life. -- MARTY IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: That woman has made her choice to throw in the towel and have a premeditated affair by planning the trip. She should have filed for divorce if she wanted out so bad. But sometimes the partner is irresponsible and leaves it up to the other partner to take care of the details. Let her go! Sometimes it's best to go your own separate ways. She ain't worth it! -- BECKY IN OGDEN, IOWA

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt's" wife has fallen for someone online that she knows nothing about. He could be a serial killer as far as she knows. The very idea of her going to Texas saying she's going to see her parents when all the time she's going to meet him -- I think she's out of her mind! She may never come back from Texas. He needs to get the divorce papers ready. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who thought so little of me. -- GRANNY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked at your response to "Hurt." You advised that husband to talk to his wife's parents about the problems he was having with their daughter?! The No. 1 rule for a good marriage and healthy family dynamics is NOT to talk to the in-laws about the faults of their child. See a counselor or minister for help with your marriage. -- MICHELLE IN EAST MOLINE, ILL.

DEAR MICHELLE: I felt that the parents should greet their daughter with their eyes wide open.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays here, I know you are again being inundated with questions about what kind of gifts to give to seniors. Years ago, I took one of your ideas and decided to help my grandmother with Christmas cards. (She had arthritis, and it was hard for her to write.) It was one of the best presents I ever gave her, and it was lots of fun for me.

I visited her, asked for the names and addresses of the people she wanted to send cards to, and wrote them all down on notebook paper. Then we went through her address book together. She had a story about everyone in the book. At Thanksgiving, I took her to the store to select cards and then addressed them and had her sign them.

As Christmas drew closer, Grandma would tell my mom who had sent her a Christmas card. I realized then that the gift I thought I was giving her was really several gifts -- doing the cards for her, the visits, and her receiving cards because people knew she was thinking of them.

This Christmas I would like to suggest giving the gift of TIME to older persons. Visit, take them to dinner or to the store. The gift I thought I was giving my grandmother turned out to be a precious gift I gave myself. I continued doing it until my grandmother died, and I still miss hearing her wonderful stories. -- GRATEFUL GRANDSON, ROCHESTER HILLS, MICH.

DEAR GRATEFUL GRANDSON: Although today's seniors are living longer and the quality of life is extended, for some there comes a time when infirmity and the death of friends cause them to become isolated. I agree that the most precious gift a person can give another is the gift of self, time and attention in this hyperactive, stressful world we live in today. I hope my readers will take your suggestion to heart because it's a valuable one. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a holiday gift suggestion for seniors who are on fixed incomes: My Aunt Jane is 85. She's in poor health and virtually stuck at home. She has what she needs -- except, of course, her health, independence and her late husband. She has reached the stage of giving things away -- certainly not collecting more.

With Aunt Jane in mind, I went shopping at a local toy store and selected a bunch of cute items (stickers, balls, jacks, puzzles, etc.). The store generously included enough gift bags and colored tissue for each little purchase.

When I presented Aunt Jane with 10 bags of tiny gifts she could give to her great-nieces and -nephews, she was thrilled. We had a wonderful time together deciding which child would receive which toy and writing appropriate messages on the gift cards.

This gift idea is far more practical than more soaps and sachets than the recipient can ever use. -- MARY L., NEW ORLEANS

DEAR MARY L.: Good ideas come in small packages. Thank you for sending yours.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was the other woman for seven years, involved with a man I thought was perfect. His wife knew about me. It was never an issue until he fell in love with me. After that, things changed. He began making promises and told me as soon as his wife got herself together and found a job and a place to live, he'd divorce her and be with me forever.

Two years became three, three became five. Finally I realized he'd never do what he promised, so I ended it. The problem is, he's my boss. He was my best friend, and I still had some hope. We see each other every day because of work, although I am considered an independent contractor.

A year after I called it quits he finally filed for divorce. A few months later he met this new woman. He says he loves her, but I still hurt. Every day is another day of holding back my tears, another day to hide my pain.

Today I met a woman who is a member of a group I belong to. She mentioned she knows a man who would be "perfect" for me. She said they had dated a few times over the years. Abby, the number she gave me was his. While we were together he was seeing this other woman! I am devastated.

I am still in love with him. How can I make myself forget him when we still work together? Please advise. -- WEEPING IN CHICO, CALIF.

DEAR WEEPING: Forget him? People only learn from the mistakes they are willing to remember. Dry your tears and get out of that office NOW. As an "independent contractor" it's time to declare your independence. Finding a job with better benefits should be a breeze, considering that all you have to show for this one is heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I was hired about a month ago at a biotech firm as a logistics coordinator, basically doing a little of everything -- shipping, arranging travel, etc. I put a lot of hard work into every assignment I was given and, as a result, was moved into the marketing department last week and given a more defined position with a greater workload. My title is "marketing coordinator."

When I had more time, I didn't mind covering the occasional shift for the receptionist when needed. But now I am asked to do it on a nearly daily basis, sometimes with little or no notice. I politely informed the receptionist that I had more work to do now and could not always cover, and she drew up a schedule that has me covering one hour a week.

The beef I have is that no other new hires are being asked to cover. I feel I'm being taken advantage of because I am young and female, and if I don't put my foot down now, early in my career, I'll be continually taken advantage of. What is your advice? -- GO-FER IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR GO-FER: If you haven't already received one, approach your supervisor and ask for a written job description for your new position. If fill-in receptionist is not one of your duties, it is possible that the receptionist went beyond her authority in assigning the shift to you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)