DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Mara," now 27, recently married a wonderful young man. After they had dated for a few years, she moved to his state of residence and attended graduate school there. It became their home.

When they come to visit us for a weekend, Mara constantly makes plans to see her old high school and college friends, get her hair done at her favorite salon, or attend someone's birthday party, wedding or bridal shower. In the 48 hours they're here, we see them less than four hours.

I have tried asking Mara not to text while she's talking to me, or if we could plan something for just the four of us. Am I wrong to expect a little quality time with my daughter and her husband? I feel neglected and sometimes wish they hadn't come at all. What do you think? -- SECOND BANANA IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SECOND BANANA: Clear the air with your daughter and ask her to block out some quality time with you and your husband during her visits. You're not being neglected; you are being taken for granted and probably treated the way she has always treated you.

Try this: The next time she calls to say she's coming in for a visit, tell her it isn't convenient because you have already made other plans. If you're not quite as available, Mara may wake up to the fact that you and her dad won't be around forever.

DEAR ABBY: My parents moved to Florida 10 years ago. The rest of my family lives more than four hours away. We are not close to my husband's family, but we do have my friends whom we talk to often.

The holidays are approaching, and I dread them because we have nowhere to go. I have tried asking people what they're doing and mentioning that we aren't doing anything, but they don't get the hint that we'd like to be invited to their home. I would be happy to bring a dish or two -- or even cook the whole meal if it meant we wouldn't have to be alone.

What can I do? For me, the holidays are so depressing. Please help. I can't face another lonely holiday. -- LONELY IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR LONELY: How about hosting a holiday feast at your own home? Invite your friends and ask them to bring a potluck dish.

And by the way, the surest cure for the holiday blues is to do something for someone else. This year that might include stopping by a rest home and delivering a batch of holiday cookies, or helping out at a shelter. I guarantee that if you do, you'll be too busy to be lonely, and by the time you leave, you'll be counting your blessings.

DEAR ABBY: My landlord is a nudist. When my friends drop by to visit late at night, they have sometimes seen him outside in the nude and were freaked out by it. My boyfriend is also uncomfortable with it.

I don't know how to confront my landlord. He's the best one I ever had, and I'm just a tenant. How should I address this? I don't want to have to move out. -- CHALLENGED IN HOUSTON

DEAR CHALLENGED: Ask your friends not to drop by without calling first. And when you know someone will be coming over, ask your landlord to please cover up because his nudity is shocking to some of your visitors. You do not have to be confrontational. If he's as nice as you say he is, he will accommodate you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I don't celebrate Christmas and haven't for many years. Once in a while someone will give me a Christmas gift. (I have also received the occasional Easter gift.)

What is the correct thing to do in that situation? Some people tell me I should not accept the gift, and I should explain to the giver that I don't celebrate these holidays. Others have told me I should accept the gift and send a thank-you note.

Please tell me what to do, as I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or offend anyone by accepting a gift when I have not gotten them one. -- ESMERALDA IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ESMERALDA: Not everyone gives a gift expecting one in return. When someone presents you with a holiday gift, explain that you aren't comfortable accepting it because you haven't celebrated the holidays in years. Offer it back, but if it is refused, thank the giver graciously for it and also write a thank-you note. If the item is something you can use and enjoy, do so. If not, donate it to charity.

P.S. If you feel inclined, consider giving the giver a gift at another time.

DEAR ABBY: The holidays are one of the most difficult times of the year for families mourning the death of a child. A time of festivity becomes instead one of great emptiness and sadness.

I would like to make the tens of thousands of bereaved families who read your column aware of the Worldwide Candle Lighting sponsored by The Compassionate Friends, a non-profit self-help bereavement organization with 600 chapters in the United States, and a national presence in nearly 30 countries around the world.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting is held at 7 p.m. local time for one hour on the second Sunday in December (this year, Dec. 9), creating a 24-hour wave of light in remembrance of all children who have died, no matter their age or the cause of death. Also available that day at The Compassionate Friends Web site will be a remembrance book where visitors can post a message in memory of the child who died.

Last year, nearly 375 formal services were held in the United States by chapters of The Compassionate Friends, allied organizations and bereaved parent groups in all 50 states, Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico, and this year Dear Abby readers are invited to participate. Services will also be held throughout Canada and more than a dozen countries abroad.

Anyone who is unable or who doesn't wish to attend a formal service is welcome to light a candle in their home and share this time with family and friends. -- PATRICIA LODER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS, USA

DEAR PATRICIA: I'm pleased to help you spread the word. Your worthwhile organization has helped, and continues to help, grieving families through the darkest period of their lives.

Readers, check for a local candle lighting by visiting The Compassionate Friends Web site at � HYPERLINK "http://www.compassionatefriends.org" ��www.compassionatefriends.org� or by calling toll-free: (877) 969-0010.

I hope this ceremony will make the holidays a little easier for bereaved families, not only in this country, but also around the world who have lost a child. The Candle Lighting is held in remembrance of their little angels, that their light may always shine.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Courtney," was recently married, and the week leading up to the wedding was a disaster. My husband, "Jeff," and I paid for the majority of her lavish wedding with assistance from her new in-laws. My ex-husband, "Earl" (Courtney's father), didn't pay for any portion of it. Over the past 15 years he has offered little support, financially or emotionally. In fact, Earl has stolen from both of my daughters (it was identity theft) and ran up thousands of dollars in bills, not to mention the unpaid medical expenses and child support.

Courtney and her fiance's family were scheduled to stay at our house for a few days prior to the wedding. One week before they were scheduled to come, Courtney informed me that she wanted to "establish a new relationship" with her father and his side of the family.

Being already emotional about the wedding, I flipped out. I didn't understand how she could do this to me and her stepdad after all our years of picking up the pieces.

Courtney told me to "stuff it" and did as she pleased. Her new in-laws sided with her. They were aware of the problems with Earl, the stolen money, etc. Jeff and I attended the wedding, but were treated poorly. Needless to say, Earl was treated like a king.

Jeff thinks I need to write Courtney off, as she has shown her true colors. Right now, I am very upset. Have you any suggestions? -- DEVASTATED IN PHOENIX

DEAR DEVASTATED: Yes, I do. If you want to spare yourself years of pain and aggravation, you will listen to your husband. It appears that Courtney is her father's daughter.

The sacrifices you made to raise her have resulted in her becoming a selfish, self-centered, rude adult. In order for her to fulfill her fantasy of being "Daddy's girl," she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with you. For your own sake, do not forget it. Unless you can take a giant emotional step backward, Courtney will continue to treat you like a doormat -- and don't be surprised if she uses any children she has as leverage. Be forewarned.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old girl who is faced with a dilemma. My friend, "Kate," and I were sexually assaulted at a party we attended recently. The guy who did it was a friend of Kate's and very popular. He claims he blacked out and doesn't remember what happened.

Although it didn't escalate to rape, what happened deeply upset Kate. I have put the incident behind me, but Kate can't. We have brought this to the attention of the police and must now decide whether we should allow this to go to court.

Because we were underage and alcohol was a key factor, would going to court and having the case possibly thrown out be worth the emotional toll it takes on me and Kate? Forcing the guy to go to court would hurt him, but it could hurt us, as well. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Because no rape occurred and, I assume, everyone involved was under the influence, I am unsure what the consequences would be if you took the young man to court. This is something you and Kate should discuss with legal counsel, because more might be gained if he and his family were to agree to foot the bill for post-traumatic stress counseling for Kate -- and alcohol abuse counseling for all three of you.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)