DEAR ABBY: I recently accepted the honor of raising my 10-year-old nephew, "Matt." I have a daughter, "Sierra," who is also 10. Sierra's father is being a jerk about my raising someone else's child. He claims that by having Matt in the house, I am "taking away" from our daughter. She calls him the brother she has always wanted.

Matt was in trouble in the past. He has issues because he has been passed around a lot. We're dealing with it as a family. Matt is getting used to the fact that I am not going to throw him away no matter what he does, and he's straightening up. He's a great kid.

What should I do about the fact that my daughter's dad won't stop with the "he has parents, let them raise him" remarks? If I send Matt back, I know he'll end up in jail. He's doing well here. I told Sierra's father to mind his own business and I will handle mine, but he's being hateful about it toward me and our daughter. I know you'll have something good for me, Abby. Please share. -- CONCERNED AUNT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: Nowhere in your letter did you refer to "the father of your daughter" as your husband. In this case, that may be a good thing. It implies that he is not under your roof spreading his poison.

In most relationships, one party is more dominant than the other. In your case, I hope the dominant party is you, because you must draw a line in the sand that Sierra's father can't cross. The price he will have to pay for having a relationship with you and your daughter will be that he can no longer bad-mouth your nephew or your choice to raise him.

I know this isn't a decision that can be made lightly, but the question you must answer is: In the scheme of things, which "man" in your life is more important to you?

DEAR ABBY: My mother recently killed herself. She had been in pain for a long time and couldn't take it anymore.

My two young daughters -- ages 6 and 8 -- have asked me several times, "How did Nana die?" I told them Nana had been in a lot of pain for a long time, and then she died.

They continue to ask, though, how she died. I searched on the Internet, and many sources say to tell them what happened, but I feel they are too young. Also, my dad doesn't want me to tell them specifics. He feels they are too young to know she killed herself with a gun.

What should I do? When is the right time to tell them? How should I tell them? Please advise me because I have no idea how to handle this, and most parenting resources don't address this situation. -- LOVING DAUGHTER AND MOTHER

DEAR LOVING DAUGHTER: I have a hunch that the reason your daughters "continue to ask" how Nana died is they either already know the answer and want confirmation, or people have clammed up about it in their presence to the point they know something is wrong.

You should sit them down and ask them why they have been asking that question. Then tell them the truth -- that Nana was sick and in pain and ended her life earlier than anyone wanted her to.

You did not mention whether your mother killed herself because she was in physical or psychological pain. If it was the latter, it's important that your daughters understand in the coming years that depression can run in families, that there is help for it, and that they can come to you if they need to talk about anything that is troubling them.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am being sort of sexually harassed, and I don't know what to do. I'm 15 and my brother, "Joey," is 16. We live with our mother. Our parents are divorced. Mom works, so we're home by ourselves in the afternoon after school.

Joey has a new friend, "Mike," who constantly makes sexually oriented comments to me. He has never tried to touch me, and I don't think he ever would, but the comments really bother me and I have tried to tell him so. He just laughs and says he means it as a compliment.

I have told Joey in private how much it bothers me and asked him to get Mike to stop, but he won't say anything. Joey is very meek and Mike is very domineering. Also, Joey has always had trouble making friends, and Mike is his only friend right now, and I think he's afraid of losing his only friend.

I stay out of the bedroom when Mike is here, but we live in a small apartment, so I can't really get away from him. But I don't feel I should have to hide whenever Mike is here. So far, I haven't said anything to Mom. Knowing her, I am sure that if I told her, she'd say Mike can no longer come over -- and that would be the end of the friendship. I don't want that. I just want the comments to stop. What can I do? -- EMBARRASSED IN BAKERSFIELD, CALIF.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: The next time Mike makes one of his off-color "compliments," tell him you don't like it and consider it degrading. Then tell him you want an immediate apology and his word that it won't happen again -- because if it does you will tell your mother, and he won't be welcome there again.

And if it happens again, follow through on your word. Your brother isn't "meek"; he's acting like a wimp by allowing Mike to disrespect you. And I have a strong hunch that Mike isn't coming over because he cares anything about your brother. I suspect he's there because he has a crush on you.

DEAR ABBY: I was married briefly five years ago. My ex-husband, "Hank," and I share custody of our soon-to-be 7-year-old son. As a result, we see each other frequently.

Over the last five years, we have had an on-again, off-again sexual relationship. The last time we had sex was three weeks ago. Literally the next day, his engagement announcement came out in our local paper. I was shocked, to say the least.

Hank is a pilot and travels every other week. His fiancee is a drug sales rep, and I assume she travels, too. I knew he was seeing her, but he always told me it was casual. The wedding is next month.

The other problem is, I am now two weeks late for my period. What should I do? I think she should know, especially if there is the possibility that I could be pregnant. -- CONFLICTED IN NISKAYUNA, N.Y.

DEAR CONFLICTED: Do you know for a fact that you're pregnant? Does Hank know? If the answer to both questions is yes, then his fiancee should be told that he has remained sexually involved with you. Hank appears to have no respect for women, or he wouldn't have been cheating on his girlfriend and having unprotected sex with you. If you're pregnant, he will be legally obligated to support the two children he has with you.

P.S. In the future when he's visiting "the children," please stop having sex with him. Being a single parent with two children is hard enough without adding a third.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Call me confident, but I know I am a real catch. But for the life of me, I can't get a date with the "right" kind of guy.

Abby, I am beautiful inside and out. I was raised in a great family with good morals, I'm kind to everyone, I've got a killer personality, great sense of humor, an inspiring attitude, and the glass is always half-full.

This may seem cocky, but my two problems with men are: I seem to attract creeps, and the kind of men I deserve don't think they've got a shot in hell, so they don't ask me out.

Most of the dates and relationships I've had have happened because I asked the other person out. I've been in two major relationships with very attractive, bright men, and I'd like to experience that again.

I'm so sick of meeting creeps! I really want someone in my league. I've been told a thousand times that I'm gorgeous, stunning, or asked why I'm not modeling. Yesterday someone called me Miss America. I'm well-read and in tune with the arts, smart and funny. Where are the male equivalents? -- DATELESS 23-YEAR-OLD

DEAR DATELESS: They died of altitude sickness, trying to climb the pedestal you have placed yourself on. You have described your obvious selling points, but what about the quality of your character? Are you nice to people who don't want anything from you? Are you giving? Sensitive? Can you compromise? Are you interested in other people?

Perfection does not exist in anyone. And the sooner you become less preoccupied with your own perfection, the more likely it is that you'll meet your male "equivalent."

DEAR ABBY: I'm 30 years old and an intelligent person, but I'm embarrassed to say I'm stumped when I have to talk to someone who has recently experienced the loss of a loved one. I don't really know what to say, especially when the person is older and I have to convey my condolences on the phone. I can't make it a one-liner, and I don't know how to go about conversing about their loss.

There have been a couple of situations recently that I avoided altogether because I didn't know what to say. Whatever I think of saying sounds too hollow and insincere to my ears, because I don't really know the pain of loss that they are experiencing. Can you help me here?

-- TOTALLY CLUELESS

DEAR TOTALLY CLUELESS: This subject has been discussed before in my column, but because your problem is shared by so many readers, I'll do it again.

When someone has experienced a loss, all you need to say is, "I heard the sad news and want you to know you're in my thoughts. I'm very sorry about your loss." It is the truth -- it's not insincere or hollow. If the person wants to discuss it further, he or she will. Your job at that point is just to listen. There is no way you can make the pain go away. But sometimes talking about it, or even having a shoulder to cry on, can temporarily lighten someone's load.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school I didn't bother getting a yearbook until my senior year. Now that I look back, I wish I had the ones from my first three years of high school. Is there any way to obtain old high school yearbooks? -- BELLE K., CADILLAC, MICH.

DEAR BELLE: Contact the high school from which you graduated and make an inquiry. Also, if there is an alumni association, contact it to see if there are any extra yearbooks available for purchase.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)