DEAR ABBY: I am being sort of sexually harassed, and I don't know what to do. I'm 15 and my brother, "Joey," is 16. We live with our mother. Our parents are divorced. Mom works, so we're home by ourselves in the afternoon after school.

Joey has a new friend, "Mike," who constantly makes sexually oriented comments to me. He has never tried to touch me, and I don't think he ever would, but the comments really bother me and I have tried to tell him so. He just laughs and says he means it as a compliment.

I have told Joey in private how much it bothers me and asked him to get Mike to stop, but he won't say anything. Joey is very meek and Mike is very domineering. Also, Joey has always had trouble making friends, and Mike is his only friend right now, and I think he's afraid of losing his only friend.

I stay out of the bedroom when Mike is here, but we live in a small apartment, so I can't really get away from him. But I don't feel I should have to hide whenever Mike is here. So far, I haven't said anything to Mom. Knowing her, I am sure that if I told her, she'd say Mike can no longer come over -- and that would be the end of the friendship. I don't want that. I just want the comments to stop. What can I do? -- EMBARRASSED IN BAKERSFIELD, CALIF.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: The next time Mike makes one of his off-color "compliments," tell him you don't like it and consider it degrading. Then tell him you want an immediate apology and his word that it won't happen again -- because if it does you will tell your mother, and he won't be welcome there again.

And if it happens again, follow through on your word. Your brother isn't "meek"; he's acting like a wimp by allowing Mike to disrespect you. And I have a strong hunch that Mike isn't coming over because he cares anything about your brother. I suspect he's there because he has a crush on you.

DEAR ABBY: I was married briefly five years ago. My ex-husband, "Hank," and I share custody of our soon-to-be 7-year-old son. As a result, we see each other frequently.

Over the last five years, we have had an on-again, off-again sexual relationship. The last time we had sex was three weeks ago. Literally the next day, his engagement announcement came out in our local paper. I was shocked, to say the least.

Hank is a pilot and travels every other week. His fiancee is a drug sales rep, and I assume she travels, too. I knew he was seeing her, but he always told me it was casual. The wedding is next month.

The other problem is, I am now two weeks late for my period. What should I do? I think she should know, especially if there is the possibility that I could be pregnant. -- CONFLICTED IN NISKAYUNA, N.Y.

DEAR CONFLICTED: Do you know for a fact that you're pregnant? Does Hank know? If the answer to both questions is yes, then his fiancee should be told that he has remained sexually involved with you. Hank appears to have no respect for women, or he wouldn't have been cheating on his girlfriend and having unprotected sex with you. If you're pregnant, he will be legally obligated to support the two children he has with you.

P.S. In the future when he's visiting "the children," please stop having sex with him. Being a single parent with two children is hard enough without adding a third.

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DEAR ABBY: Call me confident, but I know I am a real catch. But for the life of me, I can't get a date with the "right" kind of guy.

Abby, I am beautiful inside and out. I was raised in a great family with good morals, I'm kind to everyone, I've got a killer personality, great sense of humor, an inspiring attitude, and the glass is always half-full.

This may seem cocky, but my two problems with men are: I seem to attract creeps, and the kind of men I deserve don't think they've got a shot in hell, so they don't ask me out.

Most of the dates and relationships I've had have happened because I asked the other person out. I've been in two major relationships with very attractive, bright men, and I'd like to experience that again.

I'm so sick of meeting creeps! I really want someone in my league. I've been told a thousand times that I'm gorgeous, stunning, or asked why I'm not modeling. Yesterday someone called me Miss America. I'm well-read and in tune with the arts, smart and funny. Where are the male equivalents? -- DATELESS 23-YEAR-OLD

DEAR DATELESS: They died of altitude sickness, trying to climb the pedestal you have placed yourself on. You have described your obvious selling points, but what about the quality of your character? Are you nice to people who don't want anything from you? Are you giving? Sensitive? Can you compromise? Are you interested in other people?

Perfection does not exist in anyone. And the sooner you become less preoccupied with your own perfection, the more likely it is that you'll meet your male "equivalent."

DEAR ABBY: I'm 30 years old and an intelligent person, but I'm embarrassed to say I'm stumped when I have to talk to someone who has recently experienced the loss of a loved one. I don't really know what to say, especially when the person is older and I have to convey my condolences on the phone. I can't make it a one-liner, and I don't know how to go about conversing about their loss.

There have been a couple of situations recently that I avoided altogether because I didn't know what to say. Whatever I think of saying sounds too hollow and insincere to my ears, because I don't really know the pain of loss that they are experiencing. Can you help me here?

-- TOTALLY CLUELESS

DEAR TOTALLY CLUELESS: This subject has been discussed before in my column, but because your problem is shared by so many readers, I'll do it again.

When someone has experienced a loss, all you need to say is, "I heard the sad news and want you to know you're in my thoughts. I'm very sorry about your loss." It is the truth -- it's not insincere or hollow. If the person wants to discuss it further, he or she will. Your job at that point is just to listen. There is no way you can make the pain go away. But sometimes talking about it, or even having a shoulder to cry on, can temporarily lighten someone's load.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school I didn't bother getting a yearbook until my senior year. Now that I look back, I wish I had the ones from my first three years of high school. Is there any way to obtain old high school yearbooks? -- BELLE K., CADILLAC, MICH.

DEAR BELLE: Contact the high school from which you graduated and make an inquiry. Also, if there is an alumni association, contact it to see if there are any extra yearbooks available for purchase.

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DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter from "Wary in the West" (Aug. 10), the young girl who is apprehensive about having to room with her sister to accommodate a new exchange student the family is hosting.

My family has hosted several kids from Northern Ireland, and two years ago a young man from Brazil. He is now my best friend, and I will be going to Brazil for a month this winter.

Although I didn't have to give up my room, I felt the pressure of sharing a bathroom and my parents. But I wouldn't give up my experience for anything. "Wary" needs to be open and kind. It can be surprising how much exchange students already know about the United States and the world. Many of them also speak English well before they arrive and just need to practice it. "Wary" will come to regard her visitor as family and have the time of her life! -- MARINA IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MARINA: Thank you for sharing your experiences. Hosting a foreign exchange student can be a rewarding adventure -- as long as the logistics are worked out in advance. This is a program with great worth and appeal in our modern, diverse, "global" world, as the following readers attest:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was forced to compromise when an exchange student came to stay. Because we did not have an extra bedroom, I had to trade with my brother and share with "Helga." Yes, the year was trying at times -- she and I were very different, but the result of her stay has been a 25-year friendship. Our families are very close, and we go back and forth to Norway often. She and her children also come here.

"Wary" may be surprised with the result of hosting an exchange student. If she is open-minded, a whole new world will reveal itself to her. I know I never would have guessed that Norway would someday feel like my second home. -- THANKFUL IN EDGEWATER, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: During the summer of 1975, while I was home from college, my parents hosted two boys from Japan. When I returned to school for my senior year, I looked for elective courses to round out my schedule and noticed classes in Japanese language, history and literature. I signed up for all three. (I had been fascinated by the handwriting of the two students and wanted to learn it.)

While I was practicing in the language lab, I met a female student from Japan who was studying Spanish, as I had previously done. We agreed to tutor each other, which led to dating, which eventually led to marriage and two wonderful sons. During the summer we celebrated our 28th anniversary. -- JEFF IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have hosted students three times. They have all been wonderful experiences, and my children love doing it. Having a foreign daughter/sister has been rewarding and memorable for everyone in our family as well as for each of the visiting students.

Since it is such a major undertaking, the adjustments and changes to be made must be discussed by all family members. The teenagers are coming from another culture, leaving behind their own friends and families. They need to know that the host family wants to share everything with them, as well as learn from them. -- FOREIGN EXCHANGE FAN

DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of six. In the early '60s, my parents hosted two teen boys from Mexico City for two months. They had so much fun the first year, they returned for two more winters. All six of us spent at least one summer in Mexico. This exchange has enriched our lives. We are still in contact with our Mexican brothers and sister.

My husband and I have befriended many foreign students and families, and have been hosted in Norway, Germany, Japan, Spain, France and Turkey. If "Wary" embraces the experience, it will bring her great joy. In this shrinking world, understanding other cultures and languages is critical. -- PAT IN TUCSON

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