DEAR ABBY: I recently began attending a private high school in Manhattan on scholarship. The commute can take two hours -- or more -- each way. In the beginning, I was willing to accept the challenge and make it work. However, as the long days continue, I'm wondering if it's worth it.

I don't seem to relate to any of my classmates and I'm not sure this school is right for me. Also, my relationship with my family has gotten worse since I started. I come home too tired to talk with them, and discussions about supplies usually result in fights ending in tears.

I don't think my parents are proud of me. Instead of encouragement and support, I am being yelled at for feeling the way I do. I know this school will create a bright future for me, but can it only come at the expense of the relationship with my family and my happiness? I go to school upset and miserable every day. Should I drop out? Or should I exchange happiness in my life now for success in the future? Please help. -- CONFUZZLED IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFUZZLED: I'm not sure the answer is "either/or." Let me take your concerns one at a time.

Obviously the challenges brought about by this new school have required certain lifestyle changes for you. Perhaps a few more could be beneficial. Specifically, if the commute to and from school is too tiring, have you considered taking a 45-minute nap when you return home? Many people find that a nap renews their energy. Also, the trip could provide you with valuable study time. If that isn't feasible, then perhaps you and your family could agree that weeknights aren't a workable time for the level of communication you would like, and make an extra effort to be together on weekends.

You say that discussions about school supplies are so stressful they end in fights and tears. Is it possible that there is a special fund at school to help scholarship students with school supplies? The way to find out would be to schedule a session with your counselor and ask. And while you're at it, ask if there's a way for all the scholarship students to meet and get to know each other. If they feel as isolated as you do -- and they may -- perhaps you could form a support group.

The only reason to drop out and forgo an opportunity like the one you have been given is if you have exhausted every other option. You should not have to exchange happiness for success, but happiness can be fleeting and the lessons you are learning at this school are not all inside the classroom.

DEAR ABBY: My wife eats cookies and crackers in bed. When I ask her not to, she tells me it's her bed too, and says I can't tell her what to do. In the meantime, I have to sleep amid the crumbs.

Am I being bossy or is she being inconsiderate? If I'm bossy, please help me understand. If she's inconsiderate, how do I make her understand? -- THE COOKIE MONSTER'S HUSBAND

DEAR HUSBAND: You are not being bossy. Your wife is being stubborn and inconsiderate. You cannot make her "understand" if she refuses to. So, if you love her, either brush the crumbs back to her side of the bed or invest in a hand vacuum.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother has baby-sat my 1-year-old daughter, "Lily," since she was less than 2 months old because circumstances compelled me to return to work earlier than planned. She agreed to keep her for free to help my husband, "Riley," and me because she knows things are tough financially right now. We pay Mother as much as we can, and of course, provide all of Lily's food, diapers, etc. to keep at her house. I have thanked my mother many times, and hope she realizes how grateful we are for everything she does.

However, the longer Mother baby-sits Lily, the more she acts like she can overrule the decisions Riley and I make regarding our daughter. She complains about how "stupid" our pediatrician is (even though she has never met Lily's doctor personally). She tries to dictate what decisions we make based on her "mother-knows-best" philosophy, then becomes offended if we do something different.

Recently she informed me that she was sending back the "chunkier" baby food I had bought for Lily to eat at her house because she doesn't think Lily is ready for that kind of food. When I pointed out that Lily has been eating the same food at our house for the last two months, she hung up on me.

I have always tried to avoid confrontation with my mother, but when it comes to my daughter, I believe Mother should respect the decisions that Riley and I make. I'm afraid if I say anything, though, she'll refuse to keep Lily any longer. What should I do? -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS

DEAR IN A BIND: Your choice is whether to bite your tongue or bite the bullet. Avoiding confrontations may have worked when you were a child, but now that you are a parent your little girl's welfare must come first.

It appears your mother is trying to relive her own mothering experience by imposing her will on you. The situation is not healthy for you, your daughter, or even your mother. Either find the courage to talk to her woman-to-woman and clear the air, or you and Riley should make other child-care arrangements for your daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I entered high school this year and auditioned for a play. Well, I got the part. It's a pretty big one and I'm happy about it. However, I will have to kiss a senior! It will be my first kiss -- ever! I'm so nervous. I can't get out of the kiss or the role.

Please give me some tips about kissing. I know you are busy, but I really need your help. -- NEVER BEEN KISSED IN VERMONT

DEAR NEVER BEEN KISSED: This is something you need to discuss with the actor you'll be kissing, as well as the drama teacher who will be directing the play. If you're afraid you'll make a mistake because you don't know how to kiss, be comforted in the knowledge that most of the action will be assumed by the senior, who probably is experienced in that department. All you will need to do is lift your chin, close your eyes and pucker up. Also, there will be rehearsals before the performance -- and practice makes perfect. (Oh, the sacrifices we make for art!)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and in high school. There's this boy, "Jon," who has liked me for a long time. Recently a friend of his asked me if I'd ever consider being Jon's girlfriend. I told him no. I said I liked Jon, just not in that way. Obviously, the friend told Jon.

My problem is Jon is now acting obsessive toward me. He calls me almost every day telling me he WILL make me his girlfriend someday.

Abby, I am friends with Jon's ex-girlfriend, "Sara," and that's one reason I said no. The second reason is that Sara confided in me that she broke up with Jon because he had begun to abuse her. The third is that I'm just not interested.

Jon follows me around the school when he thinks I don't know. He has even followed me home. I don't know what to do about this, so please print my letter. -- BEING STALKED IN VANCOUVER, B.C.

DEAR BEING STALKED: You cannot be "friends" with Jon, because he doesn't regard you in that way. The next time he calls, tell him he must stop calling, and that you know he has been following you, and that must stop, too. Then inform your parents what's been going on, and let them tell Jon's parents the attention you're receiving from their son is unwanted.

Years ago, people used to think that the behavior you have described was just part of young love. Since the early '90s, however, members of law enforcement and the mental health community have come to realize that individuals who behave the way Jon does may be mentally unbalanced. In your case, this may be just a teenage crush, but if Jon doesn't leave you alone, your family may have to involve the police.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I celebrated our 50th anniversary a few weeks ago. Last spring we jokingly said that we would have to throw the party for ourselves because no one else would. We took all kids, spouses and grandkids on a cruise over the summer because that's when the kids were out of school.

Well, our big day arrived. One daughter sent flowers, another bought a ham -- for me to cook. One son called to say "Happy Anniversary." The other son forgot.

I have been so depressed ever since that I break down in tears several times a day. Not one of our children thought our 50th was important enough to contact the siblings and say, "Hey, let's take Mom and Dad out to dinner on this special occasion." Am I wrong to feel hurt? How can I get beyond this? -- HURT BEYOND WORDS IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT BEYOND WORDS: Your children may have been under the impression that the cruise you took them on during the summer was all the celebration you had in mind. If so, then your problem is not one of neglect; it was one of poor communication.

The way to move beyond this is to dry your tears and resolve that you and your husband will schedule a romantic getaway for just the two of you. That way there will be no disappointments.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: A happy Eid al-Fitr, one and all!

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