DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been divorced for a number of years. Our divorce was amicable. He is now remarried and has chosen to include his current wife, "Blanche," in all correspondence with our two daughters and me. I admit to some jealousy when it comes to my girls. They are our children, not hers.
This has become more hurtful to me since I found out that I am terminally ill. I don't want Blanche to replace me as a grandmother to any children who are born to our girls.
I am writing now because my oldest daughter has just learned that she is pregnant. If I survive long enough, it will be my first grandchild -- an honor I do not wish to share. Am I being selfish, or is there some other way for Blanche to be part of this grandchild's life without taking my place? My children are not close to her and have also expressed disapproval of their father's inclusion of his new wife in every part of his interaction with them. Please tell me what you think. -- WANTS TO BE REMEMBERED, LONGVIEW, TEXAS
DEAR WANTS TO BE REMEMBERED: Please allow me to offer my sympathy regarding your prognosis. All of your feelings at this point are understandable.
Your grandchildren will have only one biological grandmother, and that is you. Your husband's wife will be their STEP-grandmother. And from what you have written about your daughters' attitude toward her, I'm sure they will make certain that their children know the difference.
So please, rest easy. No one can control the future; not you and not I. And in the final analysis, what is more important is that your grandchildren are loved. The more love they're surrounded with, the better off they'll be.