life

Woman's Online White Knight Becomes Her Prince Charming

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2007 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I started reading your column when I was 8. (I am now 38.) From time to time you print stories about how couples met, and I would like to share mine.

I have severe asthma, and in January 2001, I was out sick from work for three days. While I was home, I started talking to John over the Internet. At the time, he lived in Massachusetts, and I lived in Washington state.

After an hour or so, he convinced me to seek medical help. I was taken to the hospital and don't remember much after I got there. Three days later, I woke up with a tube down my throat. My doctor told me if I hadn't come in when I did, I would have died, and my children would have been left motherless!

I was released a few days later, and when I returned home, I found e-mails from John leaving me his work number, home number and pager number. I called him and told him he had saved my life from 3,000 miles away.

In June 2001, I flew back East and we drove back to Washington state together. We were married in July 2002 and renewed our wedding vows last Valentine's Day. We have a 3-year-old son, and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for my husband, who was an emergency medical technician. He says he was "just doing his job." He is now an EMT-Intermediate, and I am now taking a basic EMT class myself.

I tell John every day that I fall more and more in love with him. We always talk over our disagreements and never go to bed angry at each other.

Please print this so others may see that the Internet is not a bad place to meet and fall in love. -- ALIVE AND IN LOVE IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ALIVE AND IN LOVE: The day you met John was your lucky day in more ways than one. I'm pleased to print your testimonial -- with one stipulation.

Meeting someone online is no different from meeting someone in any public place. I know several happy couples who met via the Internet, but I also know people who have tried it and struck out. When meeting on the Internet, it's important to take it slow, have your first in-person encounters in public places, and remember that there's always a chance that not everything you read online is the gospel truth.

I'm pleased your story has a happy ending. It should only be that way for everyone.

life

Dear Abby for September 21, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2007 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I took my 4-year-old son to a park to play recently. He immediately ran over to the playground where another boy around 8 or 9 was playing. Suddenly my son ran back to me and said, "Mommy, that boy said he's going to kick my butt!"

A little startled, I got up, intending to say something to the boy, when I noticed that he had Down syndrome. Not only did I not know what to say to my son, I wasn't sure if I should speak to the boy or his mother, who was sitting on a nearby park bench. (She was unaware of what her son had said.)

How should I have handled this? -- MUDDLED MOMMY IN MIAMI

DEAR MUDDLED MOMMY: If your son had said what that boy did to a much smaller child, wouldn't you have wanted to be informed in a nonconfrontational way? You should have handled the situation by approaching the mother and saying, "I thought you should know that your son frightened my little boy by threatening to harm him." If she's an effective parent, it would be her cue to take her son in hand and explain to him that his behavior was inappropriate.

life

Dear Abby for September 21, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2007 | Letter 3 of 4

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Yom Kippur begins at sundown -- a time for reflection, prayer and repentance. May your fast be an easy one.

life

Dear Abby for September 21, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2007 | Letter 4 of 4

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

life

Death in Her Family Leaves Girl Feeling Sad and Confused

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 20th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 13. There has been a recent death in the family. My aunt and a very close family friend were both killed in a car crash.

Every time I hear a sad song or a song my aunt or the friend liked, I want to cry, but I can't. In school, when I hear something that reminds me of my aunt, I want to cry, but I don't want to humiliate myself.

My little sister is very new to the whole death situation. She doesn't know how to handle it, so she expresses it in anger. Can you help me? -- MISSING MY AUNT IN NEW YORK

DEAR MISSING YOUR AUNT: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Death is hard for anyone to cope with, but at the tender ages of you and your sister it can be particularly traumatic.

You could both benefit from grief counseling, because talking about your feelings is an effective and healthy way to deal with loss. Also, if you feel the need to cry, remember that tears are healing. If you are embarrassed to cry in front of schoolmates, excuse yourself and do it in private.

Sometimes people need help in finding their way through the grief process. Your parents, clergyperson or a counselor at school can help you get it. So please don't wait to ask.

life

Dear Abby for September 20, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 20th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I did something I really regret. I was given a beautifully wrapped gift for my wedding. I was told what it was and, because I had already received one as a gift, I decided to give it to someone else who was being married. The problem is, I never opened the beautiful package.

Later I realized there could have been a card inside with my name on it. I have a feeling the recipient of the regifted item found something that let her know it was not meant for them. Should I confront the person and fess up?

It has been 12 years, and she is my husband's relative. Needless to say, I have not been invited to any more family bridal showers, baby showers, etc. I feel so guilty. Please warn people not to make the same mistake. -- CAUGHT REGIFTING IN DELAWARE

DEAR CAUGHT REGIFTING: I'm pleased to oblige. However, I see nothing wrong with regifting, as long as it isn't obvious, and obviously you should have checked the gift and rewrapped it before sending it to the bridal couple.

What I do see as problematic is the fact that you have been excluded from family gatherings for the last 12 years. By all means say something to this relative. Begin by telling her how much you enjoyed the gift you were given, which is why when you discovered you had a duplicate, you passed the gift along to her. Then listen to what she has to say.

life

Dear Abby for September 20, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 20th, 2007 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: What is your opinion of a husband who plans a cruise with you and then invites most of his co-workers -- none of whom are taking their husbands? So, now I'm going on a cruise with 10 women and my husband. What do you think about that? -- DIANE IN BROWNS MILLS, N.J.

DEAR DIANE: A couple of thoughts come to mind. Your husband may be trying to write off the cruise as a business expense -- and when tax season is here, it will be interesting to see how the IRS reacts. It also appears your husband has some issues regarding intimacy because he seems to have gone to great lengths to prevent you from having much quiet time together.

life

Dear Abby for September 20, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 20th, 2007 | Letter 4 of 4

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

life

Lonely Freshman in College Has Trouble Finding Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 19th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 18, a freshman in college, and I'm having the hardest time making friends. I have always been a quiet person, but meeting people around here has been like pulling teeth. I have received advice from many people telling me I should be more open to people, and I should talk more and be active in groups and organizations. Although I have followed this advice, no one seems to take an interest in me.

What should I do? I have been beating myself up about this. Now I'm starting to get depressed. -- LONELY IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR LONELY: Cheer up. If misery loves company, you have plenty of it. Loneliness is probably the No. 1 problem in my mail. Everybody wants to be well-liked. It's essential to a person's self-esteem to know that others think he or she is worth having as a friend. But making friends doesn't always come naturally. For many, it's a learned skill.

While joining groups and organizations is an excellent way to meet others, before you do, it's important to take a good look at yourself. Ask yourself why you find some other people immediately attractive. Obviously, because they appeal to you. Well, how do you appeal to them? The expression on your face can be your greatest asset -- or liability. Would you strike up a conversation with someone who is wearing a permanent-press frown? If that could be you, get rid of it.

If you walk down the street in any foreign country in the world, even though you may not understand a word people are saying, when you see a smile, you get the message. It says, "I'm friendly. I'm approachable."

My booklet "How to Be Popular" is filled with many tips on how to become socially adept. It can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

The keys to popularity with members of both sexes are: Be kind. Be gracious. Be honest, but be tactful. Be generous of spirit, and always grateful for the blessings that you have. Readers of all ages have told me how much this booklet has helped them and people they know.

life

Dear Abby for September 19, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 19th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My son was married eight years ago in a ceremony attended by a small number of family and friends. The marriage lasted two years. He is being married again, and this time the ceremony will be larger.

Would it be acceptable for me to wear the same dress to his second wedding as I wore to his first? I love the dress and it still fits. It was very expensive and has been worn only once. What do you think? -- JUST WONDERING

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Your son's first marriage did not fail because of the dress you wore to the ceremony -- and the same will be true of this one. Because the dress fits and you love it, wear it and enjoy it. You have my blessing.

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