DEAR ABBY: I am almost 13. There has been a recent death in the family. My aunt and a very close family friend were both killed in a car crash.

Every time I hear a sad song or a song my aunt or the friend liked, I want to cry, but I can't. In school, when I hear something that reminds me of my aunt, I want to cry, but I don't want to humiliate myself.

My little sister is very new to the whole death situation. She doesn't know how to handle it, so she expresses it in anger. Can you help me? -- MISSING MY AUNT IN NEW YORK

DEAR MISSING YOUR AUNT: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Death is hard for anyone to cope with, but at the tender ages of you and your sister it can be particularly traumatic.

You could both benefit from grief counseling, because talking about your feelings is an effective and healthy way to deal with loss. Also, if you feel the need to cry, remember that tears are healing. If you are embarrassed to cry in front of schoolmates, excuse yourself and do it in private.

Sometimes people need help in finding their way through the grief process. Your parents, clergyperson or a counselor at school can help you get it. So please don't wait to ask.

DEAR ABBY: I did something I really regret. I was given a beautifully wrapped gift for my wedding. I was told what it was and, because I had already received one as a gift, I decided to give it to someone else who was being married. The problem is, I never opened the beautiful package.

Later I realized there could have been a card inside with my name on it. I have a feeling the recipient of the regifted item found something that let her know it was not meant for them. Should I confront the person and fess up?

It has been 12 years, and she is my husband's relative. Needless to say, I have not been invited to any more family bridal showers, baby showers, etc. I feel so guilty. Please warn people not to make the same mistake. -- CAUGHT REGIFTING IN DELAWARE

DEAR CAUGHT REGIFTING: I'm pleased to oblige. However, I see nothing wrong with regifting, as long as it isn't obvious, and obviously you should have checked the gift and rewrapped it before sending it to the bridal couple.

What I do see as problematic is the fact that you have been excluded from family gatherings for the last 12 years. By all means say something to this relative. Begin by telling her how much you enjoyed the gift you were given, which is why when you discovered you had a duplicate, you passed the gift along to her. Then listen to what she has to say.

DEAR ABBY: What is your opinion of a husband who plans a cruise with you and then invites most of his co-workers -- none of whom are taking their husbands? So, now I'm going on a cruise with 10 women and my husband. What do you think about that? -- DIANE IN BROWNS MILLS, N.J.

DEAR DIANE: A couple of thoughts come to mind. Your husband may be trying to write off the cruise as a business expense -- and when tax season is here, it will be interesting to see how the IRS reacts. It also appears your husband has some issues regarding intimacy because he seems to have gone to great lengths to prevent you from having much quiet time together.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 18, a freshman in college, and I'm having the hardest time making friends. I have always been a quiet person, but meeting people around here has been like pulling teeth. I have received advice from many people telling me I should be more open to people, and I should talk more and be active in groups and organizations. Although I have followed this advice, no one seems to take an interest in me.

What should I do? I have been beating myself up about this. Now I'm starting to get depressed. -- LONELY IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR LONELY: Cheer up. If misery loves company, you have plenty of it. Loneliness is probably the No. 1 problem in my mail. Everybody wants to be well-liked. It's essential to a person's self-esteem to know that others think he or she is worth having as a friend. But making friends doesn't always come naturally. For many, it's a learned skill.

While joining groups and organizations is an excellent way to meet others, before you do, it's important to take a good look at yourself. Ask yourself why you find some other people immediately attractive. Obviously, because they appeal to you. Well, how do you appeal to them? The expression on your face can be your greatest asset -- or liability. Would you strike up a conversation with someone who is wearing a permanent-press frown? If that could be you, get rid of it.

If you walk down the street in any foreign country in the world, even though you may not understand a word people are saying, when you see a smile, you get the message. It says, "I'm friendly. I'm approachable."

My booklet "How to Be Popular" is filled with many tips on how to become socially adept. It can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

The keys to popularity with members of both sexes are: Be kind. Be gracious. Be honest, but be tactful. Be generous of spirit, and always grateful for the blessings that you have. Readers of all ages have told me how much this booklet has helped them and people they know.

DEAR ABBY: My son was married eight years ago in a ceremony attended by a small number of family and friends. The marriage lasted two years. He is being married again, and this time the ceremony will be larger.

Would it be acceptable for me to wear the same dress to his second wedding as I wore to his first? I love the dress and it still fits. It was very expensive and has been worn only once. What do you think? -- JUST WONDERING

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Your son's first marriage did not fail because of the dress you wore to the ceremony -- and the same will be true of this one. Because the dress fits and you love it, wear it and enjoy it. You have my blessing.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to respond to "Grateful Mom" (July 13), the widow who, in her time of need, was invited by her son Neil and his partner to live with them despite having rejected Neil in the past because he is gay. I have a gay son, too, and I would not trade him for anyone. He is the most loving and caring son any parent could ever have. I consider myself very lucky.

When it was time for me to relocate, it was his partner who first approached me about moving across the state to be near them. My son helped me find a cute little house to buy. My two dogs and I are very happy.

I will not have grandchildren, but I do have granddogs and another wonderful son. I am blessed. -- ANOTHER GRATEFUL MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR ANOTHER MOM: I am pleased that things are going so well for you. The responses to "Grateful Mom's" letter were heartwarming. They serve as a reminder that acceptance, love and recognition of the importance of family can triumph over intolerance and fear. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was touched that "Grateful Mom" was able to reconcile with her son and forge a wonderful relationship with him. My oldest brother was gay, and my parents welcomed his life partner into our family. We all have open minds and hearts about individuality.

I was saddened to read that "Grateful's" other children denied their mother a place in their homes. I took care of my mom in her final years, and although it was difficult for me to watch her health deteriorate, I was honored to be able to spend her last moments with her. I cherish those memories. -- CATHY IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of three boys, one of whom is gay. "Grateful Mom" had forgotten the most basic of things -- that your child is a part of you, and we must love, support and participate in our children's lives. This is what's missing in our society today, and it is causing all kinds of issues for the next generation. I love all my sons, and I am proud of them. I hope "Grateful" continues to enjoy her son and continues to share the lessons she is learning. -- PROUD DAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: My mom came out to me and my brother about five years ago. She had been with men her whole life and, while we were shocked, we understood we could react in one of two ways. We could either accept her and her girlfriend, "Daphne," or disown her and have to explain to our children why they couldn't see their "nana." We decided to accept my mother for who she is and welcome Daphne into the family.

It was one of the best choices my brother and I ever made. Daphne loves my kids and can't wait to see them (she lives in Australia) later this year. My kids call her "Nana Daph." She is the best thing that ever happened to my mom, and I'm thankful she's in our lives.

I'm happy that "Grateful Mom" learned to accept and appreciate her son and his partner exactly the way they are. -- JENNIFER IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for recommending P-FLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) to your readers. It is an organization that provides understanding and support to both gays and their families. I have a lesbian daughter who has brought me much joy and pride. I went to P-FLAG when she first came out, and it was the wisest thing I ever did for the two of us. -- BENITA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR ABBY: "Grateful" said her two daughters and one of her sons "married well." Sounds to me like Neil is the one who married well. Her letter made me cry. If only the world could be half as tolerant as Neil and his partner, Ron. Because of their good hearts and generous spirits, even that intolerant mother was able to change. How hopeful! -- BERKELEY, CALIF., READER

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)