DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years (minus five months separated). Whenever the subject of marriage comes up, he says, "... whenever YOU want to ask." In other words, he's putting the responsibility on me! I am old-fashioned when it comes to proposals, Abby. I think the man should ask.

Do you think he's putting the responsibility on me because he knows I won't ask and he doesn't want to commit? I have one child from a previous relationship, and I would like more, but I vowed that I wouldn't have another one until I was married. I am only 28, but I don't want to be having kids 10 years from now.

Oh yeah, we are looking at houses to buy together. How can I tell if he will ever "pop the question" or if it's a lost cause? What should I do? -- TIFFANY IN TEXAS

DEAR TIFFANY: With a child from a previous relationship and house-hunting with your current boyfriend, you may not be as "old-fashioned" as you think.

You appear to be a very trusting young woman. At the risk of sounding like a party-pooper, I am urging you to think long and hard about pooling your money to buy real estate with anyone until you have an attorney to look out for your financial interests.

At the pace your romance is going, it's fair to assume that your boyfriend is in no hurry to rush to the altar. If you're waiting for him to get off the dime, it could be years before he gets around to it -- if ever. So lay it on the line, call his bluff, and hope his answer is yes, because that will be the test of whether he's marriage-minded at all.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 20, and my mother won't let me go. She wouldn't allow me to get my driver's license and has gone so far as to "lose" all my important documents. She will not let me obtain new ones or even get an ID to get a job.

All I want to do is have a job and some freedom. I am not even allowed to leave the house without her permission. I have to stay home all day to wake her up to go to work, then wait until she gets home to cook her dinner and wait on her hand and foot -- without even a "thank you" or an "I love you." What can I do to make her let me go? -- FED-UP CINDERELLA IN GEORGIA

DEAR FED-UP CINDERELLA: The situation you have described is not a normal mother-daughter one; it is virtual slavery. You must get out.

The first thing you should do is discuss your mother's obsessive hold on you with your clergyman and find out if someone from the church can give you a place to transition to. If that's not possible, contact a domestic violence shelter in a larger city than the one you live in -- because in a sense, your mother's behavior is a form of domestic violence.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble at home, and nobody will listen to me. My dad is asleep all the time, and my mom is too tired and won't stop playing on the computer. What should I do? -- FEELING ALL ALONE, DAYTONA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR FEELING ALL ALONE: Regardless of what is causing your parents' fatigue, you should be their first priority. Because you cannot talk to them, you must find another adult you can confide in. Ideally it would be another relative -- a grandparent or an aunt. If that's not possible, perhaps the mother of one of your friends would make the time to listen and intercede with your parents for you. Please know you have my sympathy, and that while you think you are all alone, many other young people share your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble at home, and nobody will listen to me. My dad is asleep all the time, and my mom is too tired and won't stop playing on the computer. What should I do? -- FEELING ALL ALONE, DAYTONA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR FEELING ALL ALONE: Regardless of what is causing your parents' fatigue, you should be their first priority. Because you cannot talk to them, you must find another adult you can confide in. Ideally it would be another relative -- a grandparent or an aunt. If that's not possible, perhaps the mother of one of your friends would make the time to listen and intercede with your parents for you. Please know you have my sympathy, and that while you think you are all alone, many other young people share your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers, and I'm going into my second year of high school. Last year was the best year ever. Ever since school ended, though, I keep having this dream that I'm in the last days of the year, and I feel this sense of stress and urgency.

I have considered the several Freudian implications of this dream, such as the fact that it might be associated with my desire for the year to continue or some variation of that. Still, though, I keep having the dream. I also tried to consider what made the year seem incomplete to me that would keep me dreaming about it, but even that doesn't seem to help. What can I do? -- DREAM-CATCHER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DREAM-CATCHER: My advice is to just relax and let your mind go where it wants to go without overanalyzing. You are obviously an intelligent young man. But it's time to stop obsessing about your dream, because the more you do, the more it will recur.

Although Freud made a career of analyzing dreams, in case you may have missed it, he also said, "Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar." Please take that to heart, because it applies to you.

DEAR ABBY: I read one of your "pennies from heaven" columns more than a year ago. I thought the idea was quaint, but didn't pay it much mind because I've always felt that when someone's life ends -- that's it! I never believed in an afterlife. Well, I do now.

Alan, my best friend of 12 years, recently took his own life. It was a devastating loss for me, one I am still dealing with. However, one thing has been a huge help -- the pennies he leaves for me.

Alan used to give me any pennies and spare change he collected in his desk and pockets. He knew I was saving all the money I could get my hands on to buy something for my new kitty, and it was his unobtrusive way of helping. After Alan's death, I didn't associate the "pennies from heaven" letters in your column with him ... until the day before his funeral.

It was the morning of the last workday of the week. I just couldn't face going to work, knowing Alan's funeral was the next day. I sat crying in my car for 10 minutes, feeling nothing but anguish as I watched people pass through the parking garage to the high-rise elevator. More than 20 people must have passed by as I sat crying in my car.

After the last person was gone, I dried my eyes and walked slowly toward the elevator. As I pushed the button, I cast my eyes to the floor, feeling utterly hopeless and depressed. I saw a new penny staring face-up with this year's date on it! Suddenly I felt as if I wasn't alone anymore. I picked it up and called out Alan's name, as if I expected him to answer. He didn't, but I felt him "with me," and knew he was telling me I was going to be OK.

I have found several other pennies since then. Each felt like a sign from Alan, urging me to get on with my life. I framed the first penny with a photo of Alan and me. Whenever someone asks me what the penny means, I tell them Alan left it to me. And I smile. -- KELLI IN ALABAMA

DEAR KELLI: Alan left you more than a penny. He left you the knowledge of what it means to be a supportive friend. Lucky you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The latest Harry Potter book came out recently, and I have been reading it. I don't have any serious problems. Rather, I have something to say to those who enjoy spoiling the surprise of a book.

I've read the Harry Potter books since first grade. (I'm now 13.) They are a major part of my childhood. The sixth book was spoiled for me by a close friend. Not only did she emphatically announce who died, it became common knowledge whether you've read the book or not.

I've been reluctant to touch the Internet for a few days. I want to take my time to savor this book because once I read it, I'll never have the same feeling of surprise again. I'm not one of those who speed ahead to finish a book in a night.

Not only do some fans spoil it, but the media does too. I can't look at my e-mail provider page because there are spoilers in the headlines. I am considering sealing myself inside a plastic bubble to avoid hearing anything about the book.

This is also a problem with movies, other books and video games. Please, for those of us who wish to remain in the dark until the end, don't say a word about the plot! -- IN THE DARK (AND ENJOYING IT)

DEAR IN THE DARK: I suspect the impulse to spill the beans and spoil the experience for someone else comes from the need to feel important. ("You heard it from me first!") It is not a particularly endearing trait.

While some members of the media were, indeed, guilty of giving away the end of the last Harry Potter book, other critics and reviewers were considerate enough to write: "Spoiler Alert! Don't read further if you don't want the plot revealed." Hats off to them.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became involved in doing sexual acts for money. I often enjoy these acts, but I fear that one day I might be hurt or even killed. What can I do to stop? -- "TRIXI" IN CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR TRIXI: Your concerns are valid, and it's time to examine the reasons you're having sex with strangers for money. If your reason is financial, understand that the career you have chosen is not only dangerous, but one with a very short shelf life. You would be wiser to find a legitimate career you can enjoy past the age of 40 -- preferably one with retirement benefits.

If you're doing this because you're hooked on the excitement, then you may have a sexual addiction and could be helped by joining a self-help group such as Sexaholics Anonymous, which helps people break the cycle of sexually destructive thinking and behavior. You can find it at � HYPERLINK "http://www.sa.org" ��www.sa.org� or at 866-424-8777.

Another group that could help you is Sex Workers Anonymous, a 12-step program for persons of all ages, races, sexualities, religions and backgrounds. Its mission is to help people find recovery from any aspect of the sex industry. Its Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.sexworkersanonymous.com" ��www.sexworkersanonymous.com�.

Many years ago, I met a pretty young woman at a Hollywood party who was quite open about the fact that she was a prostitute. Curious, I asked her why she had decided to go into that line of work. Here's what she said: "All I ever got was their scorn when I did it for free. So I decided to make them pay!" In other words, she felt it was the only way she could maintain control in a relationship. I found it sad back then, and I still do.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)