DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old mother of five angelic children. You'd think that a seasoned mother would know the real value of family, but you would have been wrong.

I, like so many others, became caught up in the details of my own life and forgot that I was a part of someone else's life -- my mother's. I forgot to chat with her about nothing when she called me. I forgot to visit her for no special reason. I forgot to appreciate her "just because." I never bought her a Mother's Day gift because I never seemed to have the money. Of course, I always had a good reason, and I thought "tomorrow" would bring another opportunity.

Well, tomorrow never came. My mother committed suicide March 24, 2004. I called her that day, just to say "I love you," and got her answering machine. I never had the chance to tell Mommy all the things that I forgot. I was so busy with the details of my own life that I was blind to the disintegration of hers.

Now that it is too late, I talk to Mommy every day -- especially if I'm busy. I look for gifts I know she'd like, even though I still don't have the money. Please, Abby, let your readers know that it's not too late for them. People don't just assume that they are loved and appreciated. We need to show them every day.

I would give anything in this world to be able to see my mother's beautiful face one last time and say, "You are amazing!" Please tell someone you love them today. Tomorrow is promised to no one. -- MOMMY'S BABY GIRL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BABY GIRL: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. It is clear that you are still grieving. When someone close commits suicide, it is normal for the survivors to feel guilt. But please, stop dwelling so much on your perceived shortcomings. Mothers do not commit suicide because their daughters forget to call or visit. And they do not commit suicide because their daughters don't buy them Mother's Day gifts. I'm sure your mother knew you loved her and was proud of you.

I agree with your message that it's important to tell those we love how important they are to us, and not to take anyone for granted. I hope my readers will take it to heart. However, in light of the fact that it has been three years since your mother took her life, I am urging you to consult a mental health professional who can help you to let go of the burden of guilt you are carrying. The time has come to start looking forward again, not backward.

DEAR ABBY: I am 55. I consider myself successful and happily married -- not too many things seem wrong. My wife and I have been married 27 years and have three children.

I have a question for you. I found a behind-the-ear hearing aid in my bed by the pillow. My wife and I don't need hearing aids. There are only so many ways that it could have gotten there. Do you think I should be concerned? -- BURNED UP IN BURNSVILLE, MINN.

DEAR BURNED UP: Unless the pest control man has a hearing problem, you should consider this a red flag. You are certainly within your rights to show your wife the evidence and ask her, "Who's been sleeping in my bed? Goldilocks?"

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding "Never the Bridesmaid" (5/14). Why "must" a female in a wedding party wear a dress? I stood proudly next to my best friend last year wearing a beautiful suit that I had made (with her blessing) in a color she picked. She made it clear from the time she asked me to stand with her that she had no intention of asking me to wear a dress because she knew it would have made me extremely uncomfortable. While this was easy in the small wedding party, I have also seen women wear pantsuits in other weddings. Not all women wear dresses, Abby. -- D.P. IN VERMONT

DEAR D.P.: You're right. Readers offered other "suit"able suggestions -- as well as encouraging advice -- to "Never." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My best friend had the same issues as "Never the Bridesmaid." I bought her a beautiful black satin tuxedo jumpsuit with white satin lapels. It was classic and lovely. Ten years later, she still wears it for formal occasions. You can't do that with most bridesmaids' dresses. -- WENDY'S BEST FRIEND

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am uncomfortable in dresses. I didn't even wear one for my own wedding. However, I have never regretted setting my feelings aside, hiding my misery and putting on a dress, hose and shoes to be in two of my best friends' weddings, as well as my brother's. I would like to encourage "Never" to remind herself that it's just a few hours in a lifetime on an occasion that will mean a lot to so many. -- DRESS REGISTER WITH NO REGRETS

DEAR ABBY: There are two occasions when I get into a dress no matter what: weddings and funerals. It's her brother's wedding, and they should not be catering to a bridesmaid. It is an honor to be a part of someone's wedding, especially a sibling's.

She should get over it for one day and wear the dress out of respect for her brother and the occasion. I did it for my best friend. Having to wear a dress you would prefer not to is just part of being a bridesmaid. She should step out of her comfort zone for an hour or two, smile, and help them have the wedding they want. Everyone will be watching the bride anyway. -- JESSICA IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My son was married last month and I could not have been prouder. His older sister is slightly disabled from a birth defect. Her left leg has no muscle and is about a third the size of the normal one. The tendon is short and she walks with a noticeable limp. Her left foot is also a size smaller than the right, and she cannot wear high heels. Because of this she has not worn a dress since she was a little girl. She is also extremely shy.

However, when her brother's fiancee invited her to be a bridesmaid she didn't hesitate to accept the honor. Seeing how she put aside her feelings to walk down that long aisle brimming with love for her brother is what made me proud.

Please tell "Never" to get over herself. The wedding isn't about her, and she shouldn't insult the couple by asking if she can do something else. She should choose NOT to be a miserable bridesmaid and bless their day. -- PROUD MOM IN S.F.

DEAR ABBY: My wedding was 20 years ago, and my husband's sister (who also didn't like dresses) was part of my wedding. She was not thrilled at the thought of wearing a bridesmaid's dress but wore one anyway because she loved her brother (and me). She passed away last September, and we treasure the memory we have of our sister -- not only in our hearts, but also in our wedding album. -- MISSING MY BRIDESMAID

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DEAR ABBY: I am the single mom of a terrific 6-year-old boy. "Matthew" is smart, happy and generally makes good choices when given options. My problem? I'm terrified of the future.

I hear horror stories about kids who take drugs and the downward spiral their lives take. Matthew's father made poor choices regarding drugs and alcohol -- one of the many reasons I divorced him -- so my son is genetically predisposed to addiction. What is to stop him from accepting drugs from friends or acquaintances?

One of my parenting styles has been to let Matthew make choices and live with the consequences, hoping that the price he pays when he is young will be a lower one that when he gets older -- as long as he's not going to hurt himself or others.

If I explain that drugs and alcohol for kids aren't acceptable, in short, "forbidding it," he may rebel. I know he is only 6, but these fears keep me up at night.

Is there an established, proven course of action that parents can take starting at this age to help in the prevention of future horrors? -- SLEEPLESS IN THE HEARTLAND

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Yes, there is. The answer is clear, open communication and education. Talk consistently with your son about the fact that experimenting with drugs and alcohol can cause permanent damage to a young person's developing brain.

When he is a little older, add to that message the fact that it is especially important for him to avoid these things since he has a genetic predisposition to alcoholism that runs in the family. He needs to understand that you are not speaking "generally," but that, where others might have a margin for error, he does not.

Be sure to allow Matthew to communicate honestly with you without fear of punishment. If he is a bright child, he will heed the warning and understand that he can take his concerns to you regardless of the subject.

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend is being married this summer to a man who is abusive. She is in denial about his extreme, sometimes violent, jealous and controlling behavior. Recently, he threw coffee in her face while she was driving and caused an accident. He blamed it all on her, and she accepted the blame.

He punches holes in the walls when they fight. Once he even broke a bone in his hand. He constantly accuses her of cheating, and when they're together, he watches her like a hawk and she won't leave his side.

She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I am not comfortable with it because I would not be able to celebrate the occasion. Her fiance knows how I feel. He doesn't like me, and the feeling is mutual.

What should I tell her? In the past I told her that marrying him would be a big mistake, and she got very angry. Your advice would be appreciated. -- DEPRESSED IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR DEPRESSED: Your friend appears to be in for a rocky future. She's so desperate for a husband -- any husband -- that she's willing to settle for a control freak who didn't hesitate to put her life at risk.

Under the circumstances, you should not participate in the wedding. But do tell her that if this doesn't work out as she is hoping, you will help her form an escape plan, because the likelihood is that she is going to need one.

P.S. I don't blame you for being depressed. If she was my friend, I'd be depressed, too. However, until she's ready to face reality, there is nothing you can do.

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