DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old virgin, and I have never been to a gynecologist. My regular doctor said I should make an appointment to see one. That was a year or so ago. She said it was to "make sure everything was OK."

I have made the appointments, but each time, I chicken out at the last minute and cancel because I have heard that a Pap test is done and it is painful. My best friend said she cried when she had hers done. She said it hurt really bad.

I had anxiety that was really bad two years ago because of big changes in my life. Three of my uncles and two of my cousins died within months of each other. I don't want my anxiety to flare up again. Little things make me anxious, and I am thinking this might trigger an episode.

Should a woman see a gynecologist even if she is not sexually active? Also, do you bleed after a Pap test is done? Thanks, Abby! -- SCARED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR SCARED: A woman should be seen by a gynecologist if she is sexually active, or if she has reached the age of 18. She should DEFINITELY see one if her regular doctor tells her to -- so please start acting like the 33-year-old adult you are and stop listening to "horror stories" from friends. Pap smears are not painful, and women do not normally bleed after having one.

When you arrive at the gynecologist's office, a medical history will be taken -- at which time you should inform the doctor (or nurse) that you are not sexually active. Accommodations will be made for that. You will not be hurt, and everything will be fine. Now get moving, and no more excuses!

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl in sixth grade. My problem is there's this girl, "Stacey," who is in Special Ed who gets picked on every day. My friends pick on her a lot, and it makes me disgusted because Stacey doesn't have any control over how she was born.

Today, my friends and I were playing a game to see who could get the most hugs, and I went up to Stacey who was sitting outside alone like always and gave her a hug. Then my friends started giving her hugs, and it made me so happy to see the look on her face! She was smiling with pure joy.

Abby, if you put this in your column, could you tell people that just giving a hug to someone who doesn't normally get one might make their day? Also, can you tell me how to get my friends to stop bullying her? Thanks a lot! -- HUGS ANONYMOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HUGS ANONYMOUS: You are a wise young lady and sensitive beyond your years. The comment you made about Stacey not having control over how she was born is right on target. It also applies to people's race, religion and gender -- other reasons why people face discrimination.

One way to get your friends to stop bullying Stacey would be to speak out and say that it isn't funny when she is being picked on, and to point out that what they're doing is cowardly and wrong and makes you uncomfortable. You are a born leader, and if enough people follow your lead, the bullying will stop.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter says that if someone seasons a dish she has prepared, it is an insult to her. I say that as the hostess, she should graciously ignore it. Who is right? -- FAITHFUL READER, TATUM, TEXAS

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: If a guest seasons a dish that his/her hostess has prepared before tasting it, then I would consider the gesture to be insulting. However, if the guest has tasted it, I see nothing wrong with adding salt or pepper to accommodate that person's personal preference. Not everyone has the same taste -- and that's why salt and pepper shakers are placed on the table.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Too Tired in Parkville, Mo." (April 27), who said she is "not a morning person," but who has been assigned additional early-morning tasks at work. I, too, am a night owl. Give me a graveyard shift, and I am a happy camper. However, as a single mother of two children, that has never been an option.

I used to have a rough time in the mornings. (I would fall asleep over my keyboard on a regular basis.) I finally sought help from a doctor and learned that my daytime sleepiness was actually from a medical condition. I recommend that "Too Tired" speak to a physician to find out if there is an underlying cause for her sleepiness. -- AWAKE WITH THE SUNRISE, KEIZER, ORE.

DEAR AWAKE: The responses I received to that letter were as different as night and day! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Too Tired in Parkville" was excellent. I realize that some people are not "morning people," but the comment she made about being unable to function no matter how much sleep she had gotten the night before gave me pause.

To change the body clock, one must go to bed at the same time every day, not just the night before one's shift. Eventually, one's body will adjust. However, if the body doesn't adjust, she should check for other causes, like perhaps, sleep apnea. It's a serious medical condition. -- C.C. FROM TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: "Too Tired," should ask to change shifts. I am a manager for a major department store, and we encourage our employees to work the shift that fits them the best. I am an owl. I manage the night shift, the time that is best-suited for me.

All companies want the best productivity from their people, and if changing shifts will improve the person's performance, then I do not know any boss who would not welcome the shift change, especially if the employee is an asset to the company. -- DIANE IN SECAUCUS, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: You know what? I think "Too Tired" needs to suck it up and do the job assigned to her. Most jobs are based on the premise that you wake up early, go to work and get home for dinner. In college you can schedule classes to start at 3 in the afternoon if you want, sleep in and enjoy your mornings.

It's time for "Too Tired" to learn that the majority of people go to work in the morning, and she should get used to it. -- DIANA IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: As an employer, I read that letter and noticed flaws in the writer's work ethic. She stated that she's just out of college and has a part-time job in her field that has been "easy and laid-back." When her employer "upgraded" her responsibilities with no pay raise, her problems began.

Abby, she is being tested by her employer. If she's working in her preferred field, she's going to make a name for herself -- a good one or a bad one. It's up to her to prove herself regardless of whether she's a morning person or not. Period! -- CHEYNE IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: "Too Tired" needs to change her attitude. Someday she may have to feed a child at all hours of the day or night, and the fact that she's "not a morning person" just doesn't cut it.

Do you think that farmers who get up at 5 a.m. to milk the cows are all morning people? They just do what has to be done. I bet the incentive of a large paycheck would make her a morning person in a New York minute. -- JOAN H., SOUTH CAROLINA

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was married to my childhood sweetheart, "Dexter," for 13 years. Only the first five were happy. The rest were spent trying to adjust to his alcoholism and make excuses for why he drinks.

We have two children, 12 and 10, whom I love dearly. I finally made the decision to leave when I realized what a poor example Dexter was setting for them.

The problem is, he continually harasses me. He calls constantly and drops over to my apartment without calling. When the kids see their father, they just let him in. If I'm not home, Dexter questions them about who they have seen me with and whatever other information he can pry out of them. My son asks me if it's OK, or what he should say. I have nothing to hide and am not seeing anyone. I told him it's wrong of his father to ask, but if he does then to be honest.

I love Dexter, but I'm so tired and emotionally drained I don't know what to do. I feel this tremendous responsibility for him, and I don't know where it comes from. He was always the dominant one in our relationship. I never even decorated our home because he picked everything out on the pretense of "surprising" me.

I give Dexter money when he asks for it, even though I have the children and he isn't supporting us. I'm in the process of filing for child support, but feel guilty doing it -- like he is going to suffer because I'll be taking money from him. He has a full-time job, so there's no reason why he shouldn't take care of our children. Why do I feel like I'm abandoning him? -- LOUISE IN DES MOINES

DEAR LOUISE: That's a healthy question. Now, let me hazard a guess. It's because in order to stay with Dexter, you became his co-dependent enabler. By leaving him, you have taken a giant step toward normalcy for yourself and your children -- and on some level that may feel "selfish" to you right now. In doing so, you have forced him to face up to the fact that he has a serious problem. And that was a favor, not "abandonment."

Although you feel "tired and emotionally drained," please make the time to find an Al-Anon group and attend some meetings. There you will learn that the only person who can save your husband from the consequences of his actions is him.

And as soon as your children are old enough, they should attend some Alateen meetings. (Check your local phone book for listings.) This will help them cope with their father's manipulative and controlling behavior, and you as well.

Dexter should not be in your apartment in your absence, pressing the children to spy for him. It's unhealthy for all of you.

DEAR ABBY: My name is Christian. I am 10 years old and in the fifth grade. I want to know why jeans are called a "pair." A pair is like a pair of socks or a pair of gloves. But jeans are only one piece of clothing. Unless you cut the jeans in half and still wear it. THEN you could call it a pair -- which could be embarrassing. Please let me know. -- CHRISTIAN IN BLYTHEWOOD, S.C.

DEAR CHRISTIAN: I have been asked in the past why people call trousers "a pair of pants." Technically, a "pant" is the leg of a garment. Two pants (legs) make up a "pair" of pants. Got it? I suspect that "pair of jeans" evolved from "pair of pants."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)