DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s, male, an only child, and I came late in life.

Both of my parents are disabled -- one with a host of ailments, and the other with a very bad back. Both are on disability and don't do well on their own.

I made a decision early in young adulthood to drop out of high school and take care of my parents. I got a part-time job and stayed home the rest of the time to help with "around-the-house chores." I have stayed with my parents now for quite a while, and they are mostly dependent on me.

At the risk of sounding selfish, I know they won't be around much longer, and I don't want to be stuck holding the bag when they pass on, with no high school diploma, no higher education and only part-time employment experience.

Don't get me wrong. I love my parents with all my heart, and I don't want to leave them high and dry. What can I do? -- GOING NOWHERE IN IDAHO

DEAR GOING NOWHERE: As loving a son as you are, you should never have dropped out of high school, and your parents were wrong to let you. The time has come to repair some of the damage that was done.

You do not have to leave your parents high and dry in order to get your GED. You can do that while working part-time and living at home. Please contact your former high school and find out what programs it offers at night for adults. Once you have your GED, you should explore a community college or trade school so you can get the higher education you have missed.

You are a loving and generous son to have shouldered so much responsibility so early in life. However, it is extremely important that you begin taking care of yourself now in addition to your parents.

DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with a husband who seems to hate everyone and everything in life? He hates his job. He hates the fact that he has to be responsible for his elderly father, even though his father still lives on his own but can no longer drive. (I help out on that one.) He hates being responsible for me and our two children.

His latest rant is racism. If you are not a member of his race, then he hates you. And he hates women.

Abby, I am tired! I am not a hateful person. I do not judge others by their color. The way I see it, there is good and bad in every race. Could he be going through a mid-life crisis? He is 47 years old. What can I do to either defuse him or somehow keep the peace? He is not listening to a word I say. -- FED UP IN GLEN ALLEN, VA.

DEAR FED UP: Your husband may be feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities he has assumed, or angry that he has not accomplished more at this stage in his life.

The question you must ask yourself is, Is the change in his personality something new, or has it always been this way? If it is something new, then it is possible that he could benefit from a visit to his doctor and a complete physical and neurological examination to rule out a physical or mental problem.

We all lead stressful lives to some degree, but there are better ways of coping with frustration than blaming people of other races or members of the opposite sex. Sometimes counseling can be helpful -- but only if the person is willing to admit he needs it and is willing to accept it.

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DEAR ABBY: Although this seldom happens, I disagree with your response to "Worried Sick in Pflugerville, Texas" (April 18). Her 18-year-old daughter, "Cameron," wants to make a road trip from Texas to California after her graduation.

By the time my daughter graduated from high school and turned 18, she had already been working for two years and had bought her own car. I was a single parent, and she had also helped with the rent, groceries and utilities -- and still managed to graduate with a 3.9 GPA. She went to San Francisco, Chicago and Las Vegas that summer after graduation -- then returned home, got her own apartment, and continued working at the same grocery store another two years before deciding her career path.

When our children turn 18, they are (by law) adults, and should not have to answer to their parents about their vacation plans. If parents have placed some responsibility on their children's shoulders while growing up, they usually have their feet firmly planted on the ground by the time they are 18.

Mom should untie those apron strings and allow Cameron to shine with the lessons she taught her. -- DIANA, HELENA, MONT.

DEAR DIANA: Call me overly cautious, but I was surprised at the number of people who wrote in support of "Cameron's" road trip -- even including some handy tips. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: There comes a time when grown adults need to discover the world on their own terms. Our country is waiting to be discovered! There is so much to see.

Your advice about taking friends along was a good one. But instead of being worried, that mother should help her daughter plan it out -- from road maps, to emergency kits, to learning how to change a tire. "Worried" can allay her fears if she teaches her daughter one last lesson: how to be prepared for the adventure of a lifetime. -- CINCINNATI TO CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: "Cameron" will learn more about her country and the good people who make it up. She will also be exposed to new careers, climates, geography and, yes, adventures. While all parents worry when a child first leaves the nest, this could be the kind of experience that will make "Cameron" more self-sufficient and ready for the real world.

Denying such a trip for "safety's sake" is the same as never crossing the street because of "those dangerous cars." A life never lived is a life lost. -- READER IN BRECKENRIDGE, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: As a teen, I understand her daughter perfectly. After graduating from high school, many people take road trips. It's a liberating, coming-of-age experience. Besides, it will teach her how to become independent. And I don't know why anyone would want to take that away from her. I hope "Worried Sick" realizes that you gotta let go sometimes. -- SAN FRANCISCO TEEN

DEAR ABBY: "Cameron's" parents should do as mine did the first time I set off: Make sure she gets an AAA membership. It offers maps, travel guides, and hotel and camping guides that are invaluable. Insist she has her car checked out, and deal with any problems before she goes. Talk a little about safety -- what to do in certain situations, and what to do if she gets tired on the road. If she doesn't have a cell phone, she should get one.

They have raised a young woman who is bold, confident and ready to face the world on her terms. Now it's time to be supportive of her and very proud of themselves! -- FEMALE TRAVELER IN FLORIDA

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DEAR ABBY: Is 16 too young to know you're truly in love? My boyfriend, "Miles," and I both feel that we're truly in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together. We realize that it will be a few years at the least before we can marry, but we're willing to wait.

My older sister laughs at me when I say that I know I'm in love. She says I am way too young, and I need to be older and more mature -- like she is -- to understand. She's 17 1/2, so she's really not that much older.

I have a large picture of Miles in our room, and when she has friends over, she points at it and says, "That's Judy's true love forever," and they all laugh about it. Can you be truly in love at my age? -- JUDY IN BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR JUDY: Yes, it is possible to be truly in love at 16. However, at 16 you are still maturing emotionally and intellectually.

The problem with making a lifetime commitment at this age -- although some people have done it -- is that both of you are still "growing" as individuals. Not all people grow at the same rate, and their interests often diverge. Does this mean the couple is not truly in love? No. But it does mean that it's better to be older before making a promise to stay with someone "forever."

That said, your sister is wrong to belittle and ridicule your feelings. And for her to do so is a reflection of her own immaturity.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a certain man for about eight months. We get along wonderfully most of the time. However, when we're out in public, he is very cold to me and standoffish.

Four months ago, we were at a trade show where he ran into friends of his and stood and talked for 15 minutes without ever introducing me. I finally walked off.

The same thing happened again on Mother's Day. Some friends of his approached, and they visited awhile. The difference this time was one of the men in the group noticed me standing there and interrupted the conversation to introduce himself, as did everyone else then. My so-called boyfriend never said a word.

As we were leaving, the main speaker at the clinic where we were stopped him and asked, "Is this your wife?" -- which I am not, but I also am not as he introduced me. He replied, "No, this is my friend." (We are intimate!)

I do not like the way my boyfriend treats me in public, and I am tired of his being noncommittal. Am I being unreasonable? -- TIRED IN COMANCHE, TEXAS

DEAR TIRED: Your "boyfriend" either was never taught good manners, or he is so into himself that he has no concern for your feelings. Instead of pretending you were part of the pattern on the wallpaper and ignoring your presence, he should have immediately introduced you.

What happened at the clinic should be your wake-up call. Although you are intimate and consider him to be your "boyfriend," he has stated publicly that he considers you only a friend. (With benefits!) If that's how you wish to be regarded, then continue seeing him. If not, give your ego an enormous boost and walk away. He's obviously still looking, and so should you.

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