DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and thinking about the future. After much consideration, I have decided that unless I have a very strong relationship in place by the time I am 30, I plan on going to a sperm bank and having a child on my own.
With the divorce rates what they are, and the custody disputes I have seen my friends go through, the idea of having a child on my own is very appealing.
I have set the deadline at 30 because I want to be a younger mother, and I desperately want my father to be around for my future child.
I felt good about this decision until I discussed it with a close friend who called me selfish for consciously depriving a child of a father. I think it would be selfish to deprive my future children of their grandfather, who I already know is an amazing person.
What do you think about this? Am I being selfish? -- SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF IN NEW YORK
DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: Although many children are not so fortunate, I think that "ideally" a child should have two parents. Had you told me that you felt you wanted to become a mother by age 30 because you felt your chances of delivering a healthy baby were better, or that you felt a child would complete you, I would be more inclined to support your decision.
However, having a child because you want your father to be around does not strike me as a justifiable reason, and I hope you will think longer and harder about it before signing on for single motherhood.
Have you discussed it with your father? At the risk of sounding negative, what if he were to pass away or decide he'd like to move to Florida? Then what?