DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and thinking about the future. After much consideration, I have decided that unless I have a very strong relationship in place by the time I am 30, I plan on going to a sperm bank and having a child on my own.

With the divorce rates what they are, and the custody disputes I have seen my friends go through, the idea of having a child on my own is very appealing.

I have set the deadline at 30 because I want to be a younger mother, and I desperately want my father to be around for my future child.

I felt good about this decision until I discussed it with a close friend who called me selfish for consciously depriving a child of a father. I think it would be selfish to deprive my future children of their grandfather, who I already know is an amazing person.

What do you think about this? Am I being selfish? -- SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF IN NEW YORK

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: Although many children are not so fortunate, I think that "ideally" a child should have two parents. Had you told me that you felt you wanted to become a mother by age 30 because you felt your chances of delivering a healthy baby were better, or that you felt a child would complete you, I would be more inclined to support your decision.

However, having a child because you want your father to be around does not strike me as a justifiable reason, and I hope you will think longer and harder about it before signing on for single motherhood.

Have you discussed it with your father? At the risk of sounding negative, what if he were to pass away or decide he'd like to move to Florida? Then what?

DEAR ABBY: I am a pack rat and a slob. My husband is the opposite. I am trying hard to change my ways, but it is not easy because I was raised to appreciate sentimental gifts, and my husband is always saying, "If you don't use it -- toss it!"

It has been especially difficult because we now have a 3-year-old. He gets many gifts from my mother. When he outgrows these toys, I often throw them out or give them away. If it's something Mother has purchased, I am afraid she may find it in our garbage and make me feel guilty "because it cost a lot of money" until I reluctantly agree to keep it.

This has happened in the past, and I have suggested that my mother keep it at her house if it means that much to her. She says her house is much smaller than mine, and she doesn't have the room.

Any suggestions on how to stand up to her regarding these toys? I feel constantly railroaded when it comes to getting rid of anything in my house. -- PACK RAT IN REHAB

DEAR PACK RAT: You may think you have a problem, but it pales in comparison to the one your mother must have if she's rifling through your garbage. The next time she brings something you have thrown out back to you, confront her on that. Then remind her that regardless of how expensive the item may have been, once a child has tired of it -- it's over. And if she persists in laying on the guilt, donate the item.

DEAR ABBY: I'm slightly confused. If someone has extremely good qualities and states what they are, is that bragging -- even if there was no intention of making others feel bad? -- INQUISITIVE IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR INQUISITIVE: It's a matter of degree. Tooting one's own horn isn't necessarily bragging; it can be a form of self-promotion. However, if you go on and on about your own "extremely good qualities" and fail to mention the good qualities of others, frankly, you will eventually find yourself talking only to yourself.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 years old and believe I am suffering from chronic depression. I am very emotional and cry a lot. I get good grades, and people say I'm a great baby sitter, but I feel that I'm not good at anything else.

My younger sister, who is 15, is very outgoing and has a lot of friends. I have only a few, so I get jealous.

Now I have started gaining weight to the point that I am no longer "skinny."

About four months ago, my best friend of two years and I stopped getting along, and we haven't spoken since.

I have had counseling for two years. I go every three months, but nothing is changing. Both my parents feel that it is a waste of money. I try to talk to them sometimes, but they just take it as a joke. I am confused about everything, and I am so lonely. Do you have any advice? -- HURTING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURTING: Yes, I do. Depression, increasing isolation and low self-esteem are problems that require counseling on a more regular basis than every three months, and possible medication in addition. If the person you are seeing hasn't recognized that the sessions haven't helped you, then it's time for another evaluation with another therapist. Please show this to your parents and tell them the letter was written by you. You need more help than I can give you in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: Eight months ago I lost my job in Indiana. I moved here to be with my fiancee, "Michelle," and take a job I was offered. It meant leaving my 10-year-old daughter behind. (She lives with her mother, my ex.)

Since then, I have been offered a job back in Indiana where, if I take it, I can reunite with my daughter and other family. Michelle and I aren't getting along well, and I love my daughter dearly and truly miss her. I feel like I have let her down. She calls daily -- sometimes crying -- begging me to move back home to be with her.

I want to move back home and be with my daughter, but on the other hand, I don't want to hurt Michelle. Someone has to be hurt in this decision I must make. Can you give me some direction here? -- SUFFERING IN OREGON

DEAR SUFFERING: Talk to Michelle. It may not be necessary for "someone" to be hurt, if she is willing to move back to Indiana with you and find another job. If, however, she is not willing to do that, then you will have to decide which relationship is more important to you -- that with your daughter, or the one you have with your fiancee.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a hotel clerk. How should I address our guests when they check out? I normally tell them to "have a good day," but when they are here for a funeral I feel uncomfortable saying this. Please advise. -- "SUNNY" IN HILLSDALE, MICH.

DEAR "SUNNY": If someone has been staying in your hotel because of a funeral, say, "Thank you for staying with us. I hope you'll consider staying here again the next time you're in town." It will let the person know you are grateful for the business, and plant a seed that could benefit the hotel at a later date.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Heartbroken in Westchester, Pa." (April 9) said she had just broken up with an emotionally abusive man who withheld affection from her because he wanted her to lose weight. She went on to say she was working on her master's in counseling psychology, and couldn't understand why she had tolerated his emotional abuse for nine months. She said she could hear his put-downs over and over, and knew it was self-destructive but couldn't let it go.

Please tell her that the best weight she ever lost was the burden of "Shallow Hal." Unfortunately, I married a man much like him. His favorite pastime was degrading my career choice. (I'm in the military and have been for 19 years.) Your comment, "trying to win an unwinnable man," hit me like a ton of bricks.

Thankfully, I was only with my husband nine months before I came to my senses, but the damage to my self-esteem and trust was severe. I got help through both military and civilian resources, and went on two anti-depressants for depression and insomnia for six months -- enough time to get it through my head that it wasn't my issue, it was his.

Please tell "Heartbroken" there are men out there who will love and appreciate her for who she is, not how much she weighs. -- PROUD OF MYSELF IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR PROUD: I'm pleased you managed to get away while your self-esteem, though tattered, was repairable. Not surprisingly, "Heartbroken's" letter hit a nerve with many readers who took pen in hand to vent. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a different angle on why "Heartbroken" put up with "Shallow Hal's" comments and ultimatums: Our society treats fat people so badly that she didn't think she deserved any better. The messages were just more of what she heard all the time.

The message from ads and magazines is that being fat is almost a sin or a crime. This is brainwashing, and undoing it takes a lot of work. Until we do it, fat people will always settle for less because we have internalized the message that we're less valuable people. -- B.B. IN YONKERS

DEAR ABBY: That woman's boyfriend was a bona fide jerk! She needs to learn from this episode so she can pass it on to her future clients. She should look at it as a life experience and warn her clients about the danger of people like this, and tell them to always be objective when evaluating a potential mate.

By the way, I'm a guy, and I would never do what that jerk has done. That's why I've been happily married for 30 years. -- GUY FROM TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: When my "Shallow Hal" told me I should lose weight because I wasn't attractive, I was in recovery from an eating disorder and had put on 50 pounds. I told him that if he didn't like me as I was, he should give Cindy Crawford a call to see if she would give him the time of day. Then I moved out of the apartment we shared and moved on.

I'm so glad I did, because three months later I met the man of my dreams, who loves me as I am and who still treats me like a queen after seven years together. -- HAPPY AS I AM, CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: What "Heartbroken" is doing is allowing that man to "live rent-free in her head" and to win the mind games he has been playing with her. Every time she thinks of him, she should remember the phrase "rent-free in my head," and soon she won't even think of him. I have used this technique for years, and it works. -- WISHING HER LUCK IN CORDOVA, TENN.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)