DEAR ABBY: When did it become permissible for people to rub a pregnant woman's belly? I'm 31 weeks pregnant, and everywhere I go (and I'm not exaggerating) someone walks up to me and starts touching my stomach. A day doesn't go by that it doesn't happen.

I am at the point where I cringe when someone gets too close. Abby, these are people I know -- some good friends, some acquaintances -- like hairdressers or teachers at my daughter's school. One woman touches me every time I see her. When my daughter made a comment to me about it, the friend responded, "Oh, it's OK if I rub mamma's belly. It's just me. She doesn't care if I rub her."

I thought, "Oh, really? I don't recall giving you permission!" I'm a person who needs my personal space, and the fact that it is constantly invaded is about to push me over the edge. When did it become OK to touch someone like that? Am I unreasonable to regard this as invasive? Should I stand there and just allow it? -- PREGNANT AND PARANOID IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR P and P: You are not the first expectant mother to ask these questions. For some reason, people -- sometimes even strangers -- feel compelled to reach out and touch a pregnant woman's stomach. Because you feel it's an invasion of your space, it is up to you to speak up and let them know it bothers you. They are not mind-readers, and because you have not objected, they think their touch is welcome.

It might be helpful to visit a T-shirt shop and have a few custom T-shirts made for yourself. On the front of one, the lettering might read, "Don't Touch the Merchandise!" On another, "Hands Off!" Or, "Look, But Don't Touch!" Add them to your maternity wardrobe, and the offenders should get the message.

DEAR ABBY: I am an eighth-grade girl who, in my opinion and the BMI calculator's, is a healthy weight for my height. My problem is, when I'm at school, girls I know -- and even some I don't know -- will come up to me and say, "Omigosh! You are sooo skinny! How do you do it?" Or, "Has anyone ever told you that you are too skinny?" Or even, "Are you anorexic?"

Abby, these girls are not overweight. Actually, a lot of the time they are skinnier than I am! I am comfortable with my weight, but I just don't know how to answer these questions. I wouldn't really call them compliments. Any ideas? -- FRUSTRATED IN BOSTON

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are at an age when many girls become obsessed with their weight. To the girls who ask how you manage yours, say, "I'm just lucky, I guess. I have a great metabolism." To the ones who ask if "anyone" has ever told you that you are skinny, reply, "Yes. You just did -- and it's rather rude to make comments about other people's weight." And to those who ask if you're anorexic, tell them the answer is no. But whatever you do, don't lose your cool.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend purchased a promise ring for me about six months ago. Which is the proper finger to wear it on? -- CAN'T DECIDE IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: According to Michael Botsko, director of Tiffany & Co. jewelers in Century City (L.A.), your promise ring should be worn like an engagement ring -- on the third finger of your left hand.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Heidi," and I are very close. We share a room and confide in each other about everything, with the understanding that nothing will be revealed to our parents or anyone else -- no matter what.

Heidi recently told me that her boyfriend, "Chad," is putting heavy pressure on her to have sex. She's only 16, which is way too young. She says he has promised to use protection so she won't get pregnant.

Abby, my sister really doesn't want to have sex with Chad, but she doesn't want to lose him either. She doesn't think she's very attractive. She has a hard time meeting boys, and Chad is her first real boyfriend.

I don't want to break her confidence, and I know that our parents would go crazy and forbid her from seeing him anymore if they knew. How can I convince Heidi that it's not worth it, and if it means losing this guy, she's better off? -- PROTECTIVE SISTER IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR PROTECTIVE SISTER: Remind Heidi that even though Chad has promised to use protection to prevent a pregnancy, sometimes it can fail. Further, having sex with someone because she's afraid that if she doesn't she'll lose him is doing it for the wrong reason. If the guy is just after sex, he'll be after the next girl who presents a challenge.

Remind Heidi that giving her virginity is something she can do only once -- and that is the reason it should be with someone very special, preferably the man she would like to spend the rest of her life with. And even then, it should be because she's really ready and not because it was something she was pressured into.

DEAR ABBY: My husband reads your column every day, so I hope you will print this.

I have been in a long, stormy marriage for years. Several years ago, my husband started removing all household cash, leaving me with no money, whenever he became angry and upset with me, whatever the reason. Other women tell me this happens to them, too.

What does this behavior indicate? -- WEARY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WEARY: It indicates that your husband is using money (or the lack of it) to control and manipulate you. It is considered a form of spousal abuse.

You -- and the other women this is happening to -- would be wise to put aside a little money every week until you accumulate enough to consult a lawyer about what rights you have as a wife in the state of Pennsylvania. From my perspective, you are all being shortchanged.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have socialized with another couple, "Ginger" and "Roy," for about 20 years. And for that entire length of time, I cannot recall a single evening when they did not argue with each other. It gets very nasty and involves name-calling. It has made us very uncomfortable, and we'd prefer not to socialize with Ginger and Roy any longer.

Their invitations are always open-ended, and I can't think of enough excuses to avoid them. What would be a diplomatic way of letting them know we don't want to continue seeing them? -- CORNERED IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR CORNERED: After tolerating Ginger and Roy's misbehavior for 20 years, I'm surprised that it is only now that you have decided to draw the line. Because you don't plan to continue socializing with them, there is no reason to beat around the bush. The couple may not realize how offensive their bickering and name-calling are to other couples, and you will do them a favor to tell them exactly why they won't be seeing you.

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DEAR ABBY: I love my husband of 13 years and our 6-year-old son. They both love me. The problem is, the two of them cannot get along when I'm around. They constantly fight over me. Don't get me wrong, I have loved all the attention I have been getting these last few years, but the jealousy is getting old.

Abby, they fight as if they are siblings. I feel like I am raising two sons instead of having a happy home life. I never tell either one that I love him more than the other. Should I tell my husband that I love him more in front of our son? After all, one day my son will leave home. Would that hurt my son's feelings? Would that help in the conflict? What should I say or do? -- DIVIDED HEART, DECATUR, ILL.

DEAR DIVIDED: Regardless of how much you "loved the attention," you should have nipped this in the bud when it started years ago. It's time for a frank conversation with your husband, telling him in no uncertain terms that it's time for him to grow up and stop acting like a 6-year-old. You are his wife, and the love you feel for him is that of a woman for a man, not that of a mother for her child.

Under no circumstances should you tell your husband in front of your son that you love him "more." Your son does not need to hear that. What he does need to hear is that he is your firstborn child, and because of that he will always occupy a special place in your heart. To say anything else would only cause the rivalry to escalate.

If my advice doesn't resolve this issue, then it's time to call a licensed psychotherapist and schedule some family counseling. Please don't put it off. What's happening in your household is unhealthy for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: Long story short, my husband of 11 years and I were having serious marital problems and on the verge of divorce. At the same time, my sister moved in with us -- at my invitation. Apparently, one thing led to another, and she and my husband say they have fallen in love.

My husband and I decided to try and save our marriage. Then, two days later, he and my sister slept together! I kicked both of them out of my house. They think they did nothing wrong because, according to my husband, he has no intention of working anything out with me. I say he's an S.O.B., and my sister is a @#!%#. Am I wrong?

Everyone in my family agrees with me, and I am being painted by my sister and my husband as "turning everyone against her." I say I'm justified.

What makes it harder is I still love them both and have now lost my sister and my best friend, and I don't know what to do. -- BROKENHEARTED IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: You say your marriage was on the verge of collapse, and your husband had no intention of working anything out with you. You invited your sister in and put her in the middle. It was a recipe for disaster.

While your anger and disappointment are understandable, you must now decide how long you intend to let them rule your life. If you nurture them, it will poison your soul and leave you bitter.

I have a possible solution. You say you still love them both; then why not forgive them? It will free you to go on with your own life -- and they deserve each other.

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