DEAR ABBY: "Proud Mama of Two Different Boys" (Feb. 23) should know she is not alone. Your response was right on, too. People will argue what they want, and sometimes it's easier to nod, "agree" and walk away.

When my twins were newborn, I would have them in their double stroller to run errands. People would stop me, look at them and then say, "Oh, twins -- how cute! They're identical, right? They just look identical!"

I would look them straight in the eye, smile and say, "Oh no, not identical. He is a boy, and she is a girl." Now, Abby, if the pink/blue clothing did not tip anyone off about their different genders, then paying attention might have. My son had black hair, dark brown eyes and creamy olive skin. My daughter was as pale white as possible, with big blue veins noticeable across her nose and forehead, piercing blue eyes, and so bald she hardly had eyelashes! Identical -- absolutely not! -- JESSICA IN NORTH CANTON, OHIO

DEAR JESSICA: When I printed that letter, I had no idea how many parents had had the "identical" experience. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many people who make these comments are just looking for a way to make conversation as they admire your family. Although I am adopted, many people would say how much alike my mother and I looked. We would simply say "thank you" and share a secret smile. That worked for us! -- JOYCE K. IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons, and although they don't look alike we get those same comments. Normally I just smile and say, "I sure hope so -- or else I have some explaining to do to my husband!" Then we enjoy a good laugh and that ends the conversation. -- MELISSA P., EDINBURG, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I have two handsome sons who are now 17 and 19. A lot of people have told me how closely they resemble each other, although I always see them as very different. But there had to be something to it because they were recognized as brothers on sight without being introduced that way. I have learned that people look at my kids with different eyes than my husband or I do. We focus on nuance; they focus on the generalities.

Oddly, a few weeks ago, my youngest was performing in a school play, and as I saw him up on stage, for the first time in 17 years I thought he looked exactly like his brother! -- B&E's PROUD MOM

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I are two years apart and have very different personalities. We were always asked if we were twins when we went out together. (She is now 37 and I'm 35.) Back when she and I were in our 20s, we had some pictures taken together. We had our makeup done similarly and were dressed alike. That was the first time we saw how much alike we looked.

Please remind "Proud Mama" that she "sees" the personalities of her children, not their looks. Our mother was as amazed as we were at how alike we were in those pictures. -- JENNIFER C., EASTPOINTE, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: As the mother of seven children, I always chuckle when people tell me they all look alike. I smile and reply, "Well, we did make them with all the same ingredients."

People are just making conversation. Why put them on the defensive by disagreeing? -- LISA V., CAMILLUS, N.Y.

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DEAR ABBY: I am unsure what to do about a friend who I thought was an honest, law-abiding citizen. She bragged to me that she's committing welfare fraud by not revealing additional income.

Abby, she gets free medicine, Section 8 housing and utility bill help among other things, courtesy of the government. In the meantime, she has bought a new car (paying cash), plastic surgery, etc. I never thought she would do something like this.

Should I report her to the authorities or mind my own business? I am not perfect, but I don't steal or defraud others, and it makes me angry that people who really need these services are denied them while she's on a continuous spending spree. What should I do? -- TICKED OFF IN TOPEKA, KAN.

DEAR TICKED OFF: Unless you want to continue subsidizing "her majesty" the welfare queen's continuous spending spree, pick up the phone and report what she's doing. Yes, there are a lot of people who need help; we pay taxes in part to help them -- but your "friend" isn't one of them. She should be made to pay restitution.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Cameron," is turning 18 next month. After she graduates from high school, she insists that she's going to take a "road trip." She wants to drive from Texas to California. She has a car.

I am terribly upset about this. I worry about her safety. My husband, however, feels it is normal for kids to want to do this and won't back me up to try to influence her not to go.

Am I being overprotective, and if she insists, can she do what she wants now that she's officially an adult? -- WORRIED SICK IN PFLUGERVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED SICK: If your daughter not only owns the car, but also pays for her own insurance and gas, and will be self-supporting and living on her own upon her return from her road trip -- then she can do as she wishes with no regard to your concerns. If several of her friends accompanied her, there would be less chance of her getting into a dangerous situation while on the road or in California.

Frankly, your husband's attitude mystifies me. Just because kids want to do this kind of thing doesn't mean their parents should buckle under. If it comes down to it, YOU should accompany her on her adventure. Tell her that after 18 years of raising her, you deserve this bonding experience.

DEAR ABBY: I suffer from food sensitivities. Recently, during an important yearly service at a church my daughter and I have not attended for long, I had some extremely loud and embarrassing gastrointestinal symptoms from having accidentally eaten something cooked in soybean oil at a restaurant.

This disturbance lasted more than 15 minutes, and everyone in our small church could hear it. I am now embarrassed to return to the church, as I don't want to be remembered as the woman whose flatulence wrecked the important church service. Is there any way to save face in this situation? -- IT WAS THE SOYBEANS!

DEAR SOYBEANS: When the flatulence started happening repeatedly, you should have stepped outside until it subsided. It would have spared you some embarrassment and been less of a distraction to your fellow worshippers.

However, because your concern is your fear of being remembered as the woman whose flatulence wrecked the service, you have no choice but to go back to the church and give them something positive to remember you by. Please don't let embarrassment keep you away. I'm sure your clergyperson will back me up on this.

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DEAR ABBY: Please help me get the word out about a common condition that severely affects children's ability to succeed in school because it inhibits reading, spelling and concentration.

My daughter, who was obviously bright, tested at first-grade reading level in fifth grade. She had undergone all the school testing for learning disabilities, plus two days of testing at a respected university hospital. None of these tests or specialists revealed what could be wrong with her.

My child's self-esteem suffered. Her confidence faltered; she began acting out in school. At home she was a great kid, until it came time for schoolwork. Then the battles began. She thought she was dumb. When studying, she could read for only a very short time. She often begged me to read things to her. When working on spelling and assigned to rewrite the words she missed five times, she often recopied them wrong. We thought she just wasn't trying.

After much research on the Internet, I came across a disorder called "convergence insufficiency disorder." This visual condition is the leading cause of eyestrain. Fortunately, we had the opportunity to have her tested at the Mayo Clinic, where her condition was confirmed, and she was successfully treated with vision therapy.

It was as though a miracle had occurred. After six months of treatment, my daughter is almost at her age-appropriate reading level. Her comprehension and retention have markedly increased, and her self-esteem and attitude about reading are much better.

Children with this condition will not benefit from tutoring, special education or extra help from teachers until the condition is diagnosed and treated. My child had 20/20 vision and still had this disorder. It's not routinely checked with eye exams, and schools don't test for it.

I suspect that many children out there are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed and going untreated. The treatment for convergence insufficiency disorder is noninvasive, effective, and much of it can be done at home. Please help me get the word out so other families won't have to go through what we experienced. -- ANGIE W. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ANGIE: I am pleased to help you get the word out to other families whose children are struggling to learn. After reading your letter, I contacted my experts at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and was informed that this problem, where the eyes drift too much inward (or outward) in attempting to focus, can also be present in adults.

The symptoms can include eyestrain, headaches, blurred vision, sleepiness and trouble retaining information when reading. Other symptoms associated with convergence insufficiency include a "pulling" sensation around the eyes, the rubbing or closing of one eye when reading, words seeming to "jump" or "float" across the page, needing to reread the same line of words, frequent loss of place, general inability to concentrate and short attention span.

The good news is: Vision exercises can fix the problem in most cases, some done at home and some performed in-office with a vision therapist. Prism glasses are another option; however, they are more often prescribed for adults with this disorder than for children.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)