DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day, but this is the first time I have ever written. I'm a 16-year-old girl with a big problem. I dated a guy I'll call "Mickey" for about a month, maybe a little longer. Then we broke up because he said he wasn't over his last girlfriend. I know now it was a lie, since I found out they had never actually broken up -- he just cheated on her with me.

The problem is, we are fairly good friends, and he called me a month ago and we ended up having phone sex. I thought it meant something, and I believed him when he said he'd call me the next day, but he never called. In fact, Abby, he never said another word about it.

Should I act like nothing ever happened, too -- even though it kills me -- or should I break off this friendship? -- EMBARRASSED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Treat this as a learning experience. "Mickey" is a user who has lied to you at least twice and cheats on his girlfriend. There is no need to break off the friendship because there was no friendship to begin with. If you're smart, you'll steer clear of him in the future, because boys who behave like this bring nothing but pain.

DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem. My husband has anger management issues. He takes pills, but they make him insane. He has been fired from three different jobs and takes out his anger on our kids. He hits them frequently, and when I catch him, I make him stop -- but when I'm not around, he just hits them again. No matter what I do, he won't stop.

I work, but if my husband doesn't find a job and keep it, we won't have enough money for the house payment or our living expenses. I have no clue what to do. Please help me. I am in such crisis! -- TORN APART IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN APART: I don't know who is prescribing those pills for your husband, but if it's a doctor -- and not some street pusher -- the doctor should be notified immediately about what's going on. Your husband needs to be examined from the neck in both directions, because he could wind up seriously injuring or killing one or more of your children.

I seriously doubt if he will be capable of getting and holding a job in time to save your home. So I'm advising you to contact any family you have, and see if you and your children can find temporary refuge with them. If that's not feasible, then call the National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free at (800) 799-7233. A counselor there can advise you. Please don't wait to make that call.

DEAR ABBY: Is it socially correct to have a housewarming party for someone who has lived in the home for more than 10 years? The party is scheduled to be held at a restaurant.

The idea for this party was the "honoree's" mother's because her daughter has never been married or had a child, and her mother thinks that the people she has given gifts to all these years owe her something back. I have never heard of such a party, but others think it's a great idea. -- CONFUSED IN SPENCERPORT, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: Although unusual, it's not unheard of. This kind of party is sometimes thrown for a "confirmed bachelorette." However, it is not referred to as a housewarming party. It's called a "happily single" shower, and the happy single registers at stores the same way a bride-to-be or expectant mother does.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: One of my sons, "Clayton," is in his early 20s -- tall, slim, handsome and intelligent. He dated a girl in high school, "Julie," who was the love of his life. They broke up and got back together several times, until she finally moved on and married a nice young man.

Clayton graduated from college and has a well-paying job. The problem is, all he does is go to work and stay in his room watching TV (yes, he's still at home with my wife and me) until it's time to go back to work. Rarely does he even eat dinner with us.

He does go to church on Sunday mornings, but speaks to no one, even though people try to talk to him. Several people his age, male and female, have approached him trying to strike up a conversation, but he is rude to them and won't even say hello.

He refuses to go to restaurants with us because he "might see someone" he knows. He says that Julie was the only girl for him, and if it's not Julie then he isn't interested in anyone -- ever.

Any suggestions? We don't necessarily want him to date if he doesn't want to, just to have some friends, male or female, and get a life. -- DISTURBED DAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISTURBED DAD: I do have one. Your son needs some professional counseling in order to get on with his life. The behavior you have described is not normal. Clayton could be chronically depressed or even mentally ill. Please don't let the status quo continue any longer. See that he gets the help he needs.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single, 32-year-old woman with an older sister who has 12 grandchildren from her three kids. No matter how hard I try to be fair to all the kids, their parents and grandmother get angry at me for splitting the children into groups and not taking them all together all the time.

I try to split up the outings into age-appropriate activities, but that apparently isn't good enough. They insist that I am not being entirely fair to the group.

Abby, I admit I sometimes ask the older children, particularly the three soon-to-be-teenage girls, over for slumber parties a little more often than I do the others -- but that's because they are growing too old to want to spend time with their aunt, and I want to take advantage of whatever precious time I have left with them. The little ones will have their turn as pre-teens, too.

Is there something wrong with splitting them up into smaller groups so I can spend quality time with each instead of simply baby sitting or playing referee? Am I asking too much to expect the parents of the younger children (ages 7 and under) to explain to them that they are just too little to go some places, with the promise of an outing just for them later?

If you think I'm being unfair, I'll have to stop all the slumber parties because I just can't handle all the kids all the time. But if you agree with me, how do I get their parents to chill out? -- FRUSTRATED AUNT IN INDIANA

DEAR FRUSTRATED AUNT: There's an old saying, "There are none so blind as those who will not see." In other words, you can't force people to accept something they would rather ignore. You don't need to be sorry for your "shortcomings," which seem perfectly reasonable to me. Entertain the number of kids you are comfortable with, and stop apologizing. From where I'm sitting, you are a loving and attentive aunt, and the children are lucky to have you in their lives.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call Jessica who has a major drinking problem. She is aware of it and asked me to help her because she's too embarrassed to get help from strangers. I am trying hard to help her without acting like a parent, but it's not easy.

Jessica says she doesn't need to stop drinking entirely, just limit herself to no more than two drinks. This makes sense to me.

Two weeks ago, Jessica came to my house with a bottle of vodka. She had two drinks that I found out later were double-shots. Before long, she began acting very drunk, and I told her she was cut off. She seemed fine with it, but an hour or so later, I heard her in the kitchen and caught her drinking straight from the bottle. I became very frustrated and poured it all down the sink. When Jessica realized what I was doing, she began sobbing and got very angry. She stayed that way for the next two hours until she finally passed out.

The next morning, when I told her what she did, she was amazed and apologized, and said I did the right thing. But a few days later, Jessica partied with some other friends and got so drunk she fell and hurt her wrist.

Please help me, Abby. I don't know what to do and neither does Jessica's family. She will die from this if she doesn't get help. She's only 21, and her whole life is ahead of her. -- WORRIED SICK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter -- and so does Jessica and her family. The fact that she is in your kitchen chugging vodka straight from the bottle speaks volumes. She's an alcoholic in denial.

Please urge Jessica's family to start learning all they can about the disease of alcoholism -- because it IS a disease. An excellent place for them -- and you, by the way -- would be the Al-Anon Family Groups. They are a 12-step fellowship of men, women and children whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend. They provide literature in 30 languages and have support groups almost everywhere. The toll-free phone number is (888) 4-ALANON, and the Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.al-anon.alateen.org" ��www.al-anon.alateen.org�.

Once the family understands more about Jessica's problem, they may want to stage an intervention to divert her from her self-destructive path. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) could do her a world of good. Part of the process of healing is admitting to strangers that she has a problem she can't handle by herself. The members will understand that fact because they all share the same problem.

AA members are men and women who have found a solution to their drinking problem. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. It's supported by voluntary contributions made by its members and groups. And if Jessica is afraid that if she admits that she's an alcoholic the word will be spread, her fear is groundless. Members observe personal anonymity at the public level, preferring to emphasize principles rather than personalities.

To find an AA meeting, look in a local phone directory or newspaper, or visit its Web site: � HYPERLINK "http://www.aa.org" ��www.aa.org�.

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