DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call Jessica who has a major drinking problem. She is aware of it and asked me to help her because she's too embarrassed to get help from strangers. I am trying hard to help her without acting like a parent, but it's not easy.

Jessica says she doesn't need to stop drinking entirely, just limit herself to no more than two drinks. This makes sense to me.

Two weeks ago, Jessica came to my house with a bottle of vodka. She had two drinks that I found out later were double-shots. Before long, she began acting very drunk, and I told her she was cut off. She seemed fine with it, but an hour or so later, I heard her in the kitchen and caught her drinking straight from the bottle. I became very frustrated and poured it all down the sink. When Jessica realized what I was doing, she began sobbing and got very angry. She stayed that way for the next two hours until she finally passed out.

The next morning, when I told her what she did, she was amazed and apologized, and said I did the right thing. But a few days later, Jessica partied with some other friends and got so drunk she fell and hurt her wrist.

Please help me, Abby. I don't know what to do and neither does Jessica's family. She will die from this if she doesn't get help. She's only 21, and her whole life is ahead of her. -- WORRIED SICK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter -- and so does Jessica and her family. The fact that she is in your kitchen chugging vodka straight from the bottle speaks volumes. She's an alcoholic in denial.

Please urge Jessica's family to start learning all they can about the disease of alcoholism -- because it IS a disease. An excellent place for them -- and you, by the way -- would be the Al-Anon Family Groups. They are a 12-step fellowship of men, women and children whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend. They provide literature in 30 languages and have support groups almost everywhere. The toll-free phone number is (888) 4-ALANON, and the Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.al-anon.alateen.org" ��www.al-anon.alateen.org�.

Once the family understands more about Jessica's problem, they may want to stage an intervention to divert her from her self-destructive path. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) could do her a world of good. Part of the process of healing is admitting to strangers that she has a problem she can't handle by herself. The members will understand that fact because they all share the same problem.

AA members are men and women who have found a solution to their drinking problem. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. It's supported by voluntary contributions made by its members and groups. And if Jessica is afraid that if she admits that she's an alcoholic the word will be spread, her fear is groundless. Members observe personal anonymity at the public level, preferring to emphasize principles rather than personalities.

To find an AA meeting, look in a local phone directory or newspaper, or visit its Web site: � HYPERLINK "http://www.aa.org" ��www.aa.org�.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Caleb," has a serious bullying problem. He is 14 and in ninth grade. His teacher has had to meet privately with me three times this week. Caleb will hit, bite, chew, spit on or slap the other students in the classroom. He has even hit his teacher.

At home, Caleb hits me and bites my arm. He also picks up things and throws them at people. I don't know if I should try to deal with him myself or send him to a psychiatrist. I am worried that my son is becoming a serious problem, and I want to make sure that it doesn't ever go too far. Please help me. -- CAN'T COPE, RICHARDSON, TEXAS

DEAR CAN'T COPE: It has already gone too far. Your son has a serious problem. By age 14, he should have long ago learned how to control his raging temper. Caleb should absolutely be evaluated by a mental health professional. And if he assaults you, another child or a teacher again, the police should be notified because the young man is a serious danger to others.

DEAR ABBY: Please encourage the families of soldiers returning from the war to be patient and not pressure the soldier upon his/her return by insisting he or she visit relatives, or attend this or that function in their honor.

A relative of mine just returned from the Middle East and regrets each and every time he has visited home because his parents won't let him rest and be quiet. He is now considering no longer coming home on leave.

All he wants is time to adjust and regain some peace of mind. He often hides out at my house, where there are no pressures, just relaxation and a quiet atmosphere because I place no demands on him. This has been very stressful for my soldier relative -- to the point that he has broken down in tears in my presence more than once.

Should I say something to the parents when and if their relative stops coming home altogether? I'm not that close to them, but the relative and I have always been close. -- CARING RELATIVE, CHATTANOOGA, TENN.

DEAR CARING RELATIVE: Ideally, the person who should speak to these proud parents is their son. If he can't find the courage to inform them that he's not up to public appearances, then you should do it -- now.

And thank you for giving me the chance to point out that upon return from a war zone, our fighting men and women need private time to rest, decompress, and slowly readjust to a lifestyle in which they are not constantly under the threat of danger, where every stranger they encounter is not a potential suicide bomber or terrorist, where the sound of a balloon popping is not a signal to hit the dirt, and they can sleep through the night in a place they are certain won't be a target. (There is no guarantee they won't wake up in the middle of the night still feeling the terrors of the war zone, anyway.)

The pressures to which our service members are subjected in a war zone can leave them with post-traumatic stress problems that take time, and often therapy, to overcome. It's important that families understand and appreciate this, and not overschedule their service member regardless of how well-intentioned the social schedule may be.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I chuckled when I saw the letter from "Eating Single but Not Alone" (Feb. 5), about discovering single men in a diner at breakfast. She's right on. I own and run a diner that's been serving breakfast and lunch for more than 25 years. Not only do male customers meet and eat here weekly, many of them eat here every day, usually at the same time, so they can catch up with others who do. Many of the men are single, widowed, divorced or retired, and just want to start their day with a decent meal in a friendly atmosphere. Between 8 and 9:30 a.m. seems to be the most popular time -- and yes, they sit at the counter.

My advice to single women: Bring the crossword puzzle from the daily paper and you won't feel so awkward. It will give you a legitimate reason for starting a conversation, and you may even get offered help with the answers. -- MAINE-LY COOKING IN PHIPPSBURG

DEAR MAINE-LY COOKING: You may be Maine-ly cooking, but I wouldn't be surprised if you have stirred up more than a couple of love matches. I loved the mail that letter generated. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a waitress at a 24-hour diner. Kudos to you for passing "Eating Single's" letter along. I love it when our "regulars" come in and become friends with each other. Even if it leads to nothing more, it widens your circle of friends. -- AMANDA IN CARMEL, IND.

DEAR ABBY: I have another suggestion for meeting men -- if you don't mind dating someone who's been around the block and already has children, that is.

On Wednesday, Friday and Sunday evenings (usually on the first, third and fifth weekends of the month), McDonald's is full of single dads either getting their kids for a Wednesday evening with not enough time to do anything but feed them, or just after picking them up on Friday night after a hard day at work, and again on Sunday just before dropping them off to Mom.

Some of these guys are a little skittish, but there are some real treasures among them who make great friends until they're ready for something more. After all, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure. I hope this helps some of the gals out there meet Mr. Right, or at the very least, make some good friends. I speak from experience. I've been married to my McDonald's man for 25 years. -- GOT MINE IN WEBSTER, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I'll tell you where all the dateable men are. If you like boating, go to the boat show. If you like motorcycles, go to a motorcycle show. If you like architecture, go to a home remodeling show. Go where the men are! You'll find men in all age ranges and income brackets. For the price of a $10 ticket, you can have an experience you'll never forget.

Oh, and this is for the men: If you want to meet a nice woman and get to know her background without asking questions, go to a nail salon and get a manicure and pedicure. My fiance and I get pedicures and manicures together, and the ladies just love chatting with him. It's one of the few times they can talk and a man will listen. -- HAPPY HUNTING! NUTLEY, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: Folks who want to meet eligible singles should join their high school or college alumni association and attend all the events offered. There are beautiful "gems" out there among the attendees. I know, because a dear friend of mine met, reconnected with and married her husband that way. -- BARBARA IN GLEN ALLAN, MISS.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)