DEAR ABBY: Within the last two months, my dear 75-year-old friend, "Margery," lost her 51-year-old daughter and her 29-year-old granddaughter to cancer. (They were mother and daughter.)

At the funeral home there was a table at the entrance to the viewing room with a printed card asking for your name, address and phone number if you wanted to receive an obituary and memorial card encased in plastic. (I did.)

Two days after the funeral, I received a call from the funeral home asking me what my thoughts were about the funeral. I told the man I had been to many funerals in my life, but had never been called and asked my thoughts about any of them. However, since he was asking, I told him I had been upset to hear from Margery that he tried to charge her $1,000 more for her granddaughter's wake then he did for the daughter's identical wake.

And then, this insensitive jerk proceeded to ask me if I had any thoughts about making "prearrangements" for my OWN demise and funeral! Abby, I couldn't believe my ears! A funeral home trolling for business from grieving friends and relatives of the deceased mother and daughter two days after the granddaughter's funeral? And to use the signed book (to receive memorials) for names, addresses and phone numbers to "promote business" is, in my eyes, unconscionable! Your thoughts, please. -- DORIS L. IN FLORIDA

DEAR DORIS: Just when I think I have seen it all, a letter like yours lands on my desk. Whether the person who called you was the funeral director or a salesman, that person is his own worst enemy. Margery should consider herself fortunate that he didn't approach any mourners who appeared to be under the weather and try to sign them up then and there.

People with such little sensitivity for the feelings of others should not be in a people-oriented profession. If that man's employer reads this, I strongly recommend that he be relegated to the back room, where the individuals he deals with are far beyond the cares and concerns of this world.

Readers, in case you're under the impression that most people are this insensitive and cynical, read on for a change of pace:

DEAR ABBY: Please print my letter about an act of kindness. I was having a rough day at school. I had left some medication at home, but only had enough bus fare for one way. So I borrowed money from a friend and went home at lunch. The heat was terrible, but I still had to walk back to school.

After I returned to school, I fainted in my fourth period class. My teacher said I could go home.

The bus came right away. The driver told me to get on and look for my money afterward. Well, I couldn't find it. It must have fallen from my pocket when I fainted. I told the driver why I didn't have the fare and even offered him two fares for the next day.

He didn't believe me. I was so upset I started to cry while I was getting off the bus. Then I heard a woman say, "Wait!" She took out her wallet and looked for change. She didn't have any, so she offered the driver a $20 bill. The driver couldn't accept the money, but I thought it was so kind of her to offer to pay the bus fare for a total stranger.

I was just about off the bus when another woman offered me a bus ticket. I don't know how to express how grateful I was to those two women.

So if you are one of the women who took the Route 43 bus and helped me out that day, please know I will always remember the kindness you showed me. You are the two nicest people ever -- and I don't even know your names. -- THANKFUL FOR THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR THANKFUL: Thank you for an upper of a letter, which proves that angels don't always fly -- sometimes they ride the bus just like the rest of us.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was so glad to see the letter from "Irritated in Missouri" (Feb. 11), referring to people calling each other "retarded." I have a son with Down syndrome who is my absolute joy, and it breaks my heart to hear people use his disability as a derogatory insult. My son is my hero, and I am proud to be his mother. I cannot say his name without smiling.

No parent I know denies that their "special" children are mentally retarded, but to use the name of their disability in a derogatory and insulting manner is inexcusable. Thanks for letting me vent! -- PROUD TO BE SHANE'S MOM

DEAR PROUD: You're welcome. I, too, have heard the word "retarded" abused, and some of the people who have done it are in public life and should know better. When I printed that letter, it resonated with many readers who have family members with disabilities who also described how hurtful it is. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am the younger sister of a mentally retarded woman. Anyone who knows my sister knows she is sweet, funny and caring. She also has feelings and knows when she's being ridiculed, even if she doesn't always understand what is being said about her.

I have heard people my whole life use the word "retarded" as a derogatory slur. They stare and talk like we can't hear them when we're out with my sister. I was taught from an early age that teasing anyone for any reason is wrong. I would have been punished for behaving that way. I can understand the curiosity of small children. But older children and adults need a refresher course on basic manners, and parents and schools should stop turning a blind eye toward children who behave like this. -- MISS M. IN ORMOND BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the special ed teacher and your response hit me emotionally. I am the sister of a mentally retarded individual, and my heart breaks every day when I see her struggle, her triumphs and her innocence.

Surely those teens and adults who use the term "retarded" in an abusive manner are not personally acquainted with an individual who is truly retarded. Mental retardation is no joy ride, nor is it the end of the world. Those who are afflicted are to be protected and loved by those who have the ability to do so.

My son has become a psychologist specializing in adults with mental retardation. My sister has taught me to deal with grief and anger, and also to have patience, gratitude, hope, acceptance, empathy and unconditional love. She has been my most distinguished teacher, and my world is a better place because she is in it. -- EVELIA IN CARSON CITY, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: I am the parent of a daughter with developmental disabilities, and it is painful when I hear a friend or colleague use the term as an insult. Thank you, Abby, for reminding people to treat others with respect. For people who would like to learn how to talk sensitively about people with disabilities, I recommend a Web site: � HYPERLINK "http://www.disabilityisnatural.com" ��www.disabilityisnatural.com�. There they will find commentary regarding "People First Language." I hope this is helpful. -- TRICIA T., ROSWELL, GA.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently had a baby boy. Mother and baby are doing fine, but the problem is the sonogram during pregnancy showed a baby girl, according to the doctor. So now our grandson has a slew of pink blankets, jammies and clothes given by friends before little Jack was born. I say, no big deal.

My wife says it is a big deal. No way a boy should be dressed in pink. She's worried the color will give the wrong message to people, who will then treat our grandson like a girl in a way they won't even be aware of, even though they're told he's a boy. She worries that this will somehow make him a cross-dresser when he's grown up and make him gay.

Our daughter and son-in-law are in a quandary, too, over the pink clothes. What do you think? -- JACK'S GRANDPA IN GUERNEVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR GRANDPA: As long as the baby gifts have not been used, there should be no problem exchanging them for items in the "right" color.

However, please tell your wife that her fears are groundless. Even if her grandson decides to become a cross-dresser later in life -- which, by the way is NOT related to what color clothes a man wore as a baby -- it won't make him gay. The majority of cross-dressers are heterosexual.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old "woman." I say "woman" because I still feel like a girl.

I graduated from college two years ago. Unlike a lot of people my age, I am self-supporting. Since graduation, I have tried to adopt some of the behaviors of an adult. I work hard at my job and manage my money well. I get up early on weekends and do chores around the house, and I'm learning how to cook. I make an effort to reach out to my parents, who are recently retired. I try to learn about the world around me and keep up with the news.

So why do I still feel like a teenage kid? -- KID AT HEART IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR KID AT HEART: Please don't judge yourself so harshly. You are more mature than many people who are chronologically older.

From my perspective, it appears that you are growing up at a very respectable pace. If you are under the impression that because people reach a certain age they are suddenly mature adults, you are operating under a misconception. Age is only a number. People mature at different rates, and there are folks in their 50s, 60s and older who are still growing up. Wisdom and maturity are gained cumulatively -- and in some cases it can take a lot longer than 21 years for individuals to stop behaving like children.

DEAR ABBY: I was visiting a local shopping center and was dismayed to notice that the car parked next to mine had a baby seat in the back -- complete with an actual live baby.

My first instinct was to immediately call the police. However, it was a mild day and partially overcast, and the moderate conditions made me hesitate for fear of being a "busybody." A day later, I'm still second-guessing myself. So I ask you, did I do the right thing by not sticking my nose in, or was it my responsibility to have alerted the authorities? -- INDECISIVE IN SAN MATEO

DEAR INDECISIVE: Unless you were prepared to stay by the vehicle until that foolish, neglectful parent returned, you should have called the police. Leaving a baby alone in a parking lot, regardless of how mild the weather was, is against the law. In some states, there are also laws against leaving pets in parked cars.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the first night of Passover. Happy Passover, everyone!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)